Talking about deceased people and what's acceptable to you

Yes I do.

 

I think it's best to be honest with it, there are some people who aren't exactly missed if they were total jerks to everybody. Not too long ago I remember people joking about picketing Fred Phelps' funeral since he had picketed so many. What you give is what you get I guess.

 

I'm just gonna say that, for the sake of retaining a slightly mournful atmosphere, when my dear ol' Dad passes away, I won't be in attendance.

 

The dead are dead. We talk about them and remember them, whether good or bad. By talking about them, and remembering them, we do them at least a little bit of honor.

 

I hate hypocrisy... And being all nice about the dead is hypocrisy, if someone was a fucking assholes he will forever be remembered for being an asshole.

If I follow people logic, in history classes we should introduce Hitler as an Artist and show his canvas... But nothing about Mein Kampf, genocides etc...

 

I think if they were an asshole in life, they don't deserve some special "glossing over" just because they're dead. I think you build your own legacy and if you want to be remembered fondly, act accordingly in the time you have here.

 

The dead are dead, tell it as it is. Don't make it bigger, don't make it less.

 

I don't think it's taboo, I just don't really see the point of it. I think if you want to discuss how someone was meaningful to you warts and all that's awesome. If it really is just piling on the dead guy I question why one would feel that was worth doing. If you want to tell someone that they're an awful person while they are alive at least there is some small chance that you might be able to affect their behavior going forward. With the dead that ship has sailed so I wonder why one would feel the need to speak ill of them. It seems to me that doing so is just inviting negativity into your life with no real payoff. Just my two cents...

 

I'll remember you as you lived and dying wont change my opinion of you.

 

I don't think we can, or should, airbrush the truth about someone, even after they have died. Facts are facts and if someone was an awful person who caused misery, suffering and heartache during their lifetime we shouldn't deny those facts. If someone had a particularly adverse or detrimental impact on your life, you may even rejoice at their passing and that's fine too - it may even help to release your feelings and bring a sense of closure. The most important thing is to move on and not wallow in a state of bitterness long after they have died, otherwise they maintain their hold over you and you can't change anything.

 

I think as long as you're tactful it's okay.

Wrong way: "Wow, I'm honestly glad so-so is dead, she was a real bitch."
Ok way: "She wasn't the friendliest person in the world due to her temperament issues, but .. blah blah blah."

 

Timing and sensitivity is the key. For instance if you were at their funeral and were like "So... who else hated that guy?" then yeah, that's kind of an asshole move.

Having said that, just because someone's dead doesn't make them a saint- but I wouldn't have a go at someone if they had just died or something. (Unless they were the equivalent of Hitler in their life, and if so then feel free to have a go about them). Give it a few months, perhaps years and then I think it's ok to say stuff like "Well he was an all right guy, tried to teach me all he knew about planes and boats but he some rather...traditionalist views"

It's good to share memories with others of them (even the bad ones) because it shows what the time was like and future generations can learn from it.

 

If I disliked someone, and they died, I'd not speak about them.
If I liked them, them I'd speak highly and would probably get a bit upset if I heard someone putting them down.

People like Jimmy Saville I'd not waste my breath on them.

 

This is the sign of a gentleman, I think.
Don't see the point of a hate party, regardless dead or alive.

 

True

 

If their actions have a serious and lasting impact on you or others, it's probably best not to let a falsely positive legacy live for that person. To let a falsehood live about a genuinely nasty person is a poor idea; certain extreme behaviours deserve shame. Abuse, unrepentant bigotry, unjustifiable criminality or horrid political convictions (particularly in public figures) are all things that you may find impossible to ignore in how you speak of the deceased.

If you merely disliked them, then there's not really much reason to sully their name. If you don't see an objective measure by which others could agree with your antipathy toward the deceased, then it's probably worth dropping it. You don't have to lie and speak positively, but it's probably better not to insult those who loved the deceased enough to be offended. It may be true that you disliked them and that they had an annoying personality or that they were constantly but harmlessly drunk or what have you. But what good will that serve anyone when the person in question is six feet under? After death, mere dislike is petty and expressing that pettiness doesn't inform others of any important truth.

There's a spectrum of disrespect of the dead, from the necessary to the justifiable to the plain vulgar. It's best to err on the side of caution, but not to treat death as an exoneration of all a person's evils.

 

I mainly tend to speak negatively of dead people that I didn't really know personally, but had a deep hatred for, people who helped to make things miserable:

Dead people I hate, and do not hesitate to speak ill of:

Ronald Reagan
Jerry Falwell
Jesse Helms...

And yes, I plan to celebrate when Pat Robertson dies. First, we'll all say mean and hateful things, then, we'll have a decadent meal with nice wine, and then, wild group sex.

After that, I'll go take a dump on his grave.

 

Dying doesn't make you a saint. If things need to be talked about, then they should be.