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13 and trans, advice on coming out??

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LeonTheKid, Dec 22, 2015.

  1. LeonTheKid

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    Hi
    By the title you've probably figured out im 13 years old and wanting to come out as a transgender (ftm).
    I've already come out to a few of my very close friends a few months ago and they've been very supportive of me but im intensely anxious to come out to my family, reason being im too afraid they wont take me seriously due to my age. I wan't to come out as soon as possible because I desperately want to start wearing boy clothes and I want to be called by my correct pronouns, It makes me sick to the stomach when people address me as a woman and I just want to scream-'I'm not a girl!'
    I felt a sort of jealousy towards boys for as long as I can remember. I desperately wanted to be born a boy. I wanted to wear boy clothes and have a deep voice, I wanted to be everything a boy was really...I knew what transgender was and I hated myself for wanting to be a boy, only because I thought it was a taboo subject. I was disgusted with myself and started to wear dresses and skirts, even if it made me intensely uncomfortable.
    I don't remember when and where but I do remember seeing a transgender woman, who showed pride in who she was and that inspired me to be who I felt I was inside-A boy.

    Though my mother was against it at first, she let me cut my hair, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like myself.I did my research and started binding with sports bras. Teachers at my school would mistake me for a boy and it brought a huge sense of happiness. Thats when I realised I began to embrace the fact I was transgender.
    I've tried to come out to my mother on multiple occasions, only to be overwhelmed by my emotions and breaking down before I got the chance to tell her. I have a baby brother so she's always occupied with him and is very rarely alone. My family isn't religious and supports LGB but not T. I have once blurted out that im not a girl and my mother told me I was being silly. My grandparents don't believe in being transgender and my step-father is like my mother. I'm lost on how to tell them, which is why im putting my hope into this website.

    I appreciate any help you can give, Thank you~~
    -Leon
     
  2. Secrets5

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    Hello,

    Do members of your family have a show they like? Maybe you could do some research if there is a transmale character on there that you could get them to 'relate' to, so that they can also relate to you. For some reason, people like to listen to celebrities more than their own family, so it might help.

    The thing with grandparents is they most likely lived in a time where children were ''seen and not heard'' and they probably got told ''when you're an adult, you'll get to make decisions'' - that's what they were told, and now they're an adult and it's the children who are telling them what to do, and they don't like this as for them it's like they never got to have an opinion. Perhaps discuss with them their views in a neutral environment, so they get their say, and then discuss your views and then they can relate to being a child and wanting to be heard like you do now, and they also get their say. I can't say for definite they'll accept you after this conversation, everyone is different, but at least you're having a conversation about it.

    Maybe ask your mother, ''what would you say if [name of sibling] grows up and tells you that they are a girl?" - so then you can be with the baby but also discuss something about you without talking about you.

    If I may ask you something, why are they supportive of LGB and not T? Thank-you.

    Hope this helps.
     
  3. Midnight Flight

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    Hey Leon,
    I don't know how to deal with parents and family that won't take you seriously, or believe you, but I do know that since you have friends whom know your true self that you should lean on them.
    One thing you can do, to help with coming out to your mother is write a letter. Or even make a video for her to watch. That way you have as much time as you need to get it right, and there's no way for her to interrupt you before you have everything off of your shoulders.
    To be quite honest, I still haven't come out to many people. I only have my best friend Kat as support, and a boyfriend who says if I follow through on being trans* that he will no longer date me. So, please please please tell your friends when you need their help. Even one person standing in your corner will help immensely.
    Do your research, try to think of questions somebody could ask you, and answer those questions before they're asked. It will be hard, but nothing about this life is easy. Nothing about any life is easy.

    Just stay true to yourself, and I hope I was able to help if even only a little bit.

    -Wolf
     
  4. LeonTheKid

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    Thank you so much for your reply, I didn't expect one so quick!
    Your advice was very useful, I'll take your advice and talk to my grandparents about wanting to be heard.
    As for my parents, I'm really not sure why they don't support the trans community but I'll see what they say about how my brother has the potential of growing up a woman, if they disagree I'll ask them why.
    I'll also do my research on trans celebrities and actors/musicians and see how they react.
    Once again, Thank you so much for your help, I feel a little bit more confident in talking about my identity now!

    ---------- Post added 22nd Dec 2015 at 05:50 PM ----------

    Thanks a bunch for your advice!
    I'll do some research on questions trans people are asked and ill consider getting through to her via letter.
    I guess I never really acknowledged the fact that there was no easy way to do this, you've really boosted my confidence! ^_^
     
    #4 LeonTheKid, Dec 22, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2015