Okay, I know that this isn't really related to anything EC is for, but this is the only website that I could really ask this on that doesn't require a mobile phone (which I don't have) So I'll start with the last email that he sent me, then explain. "I really am not sure what to really say - but thank you. Yes, you have understood my ending correctly and I have the means to do so at any moment, but that is only as a last resort - if shit really gets real or the worst should happen. I'd like to think that I'm not a self-centered egoist who would cause several people severe pain without a second thought. The shit about my parents - really, what they are doing is actually quite normal in mother Russia even today, so I can sort of understand them. After high-school I'm moving out, hence my current focus on skilled trades (so I can find a decent job). It's just rather saddening that home is just another 'war-front'. (Paragraph is actually useless, and very personal for me and him) About the stuff trailing from march... really, it's my fault. I was a total moron and a creep and now am simply getting what I deserve; I know that I really have no chance a success... BTW youtube is blocked so I can't see the video. I can see the title, though: believe me, I've considered all aspects of the issue." Okay, so in his first email, he told me about how his parents would do things such as if he didn't shovel the driveway "they call me a "fucking bastard" (or the equivalent in Russian)" and I expressed my disgust, so that's what is common in Russia apparently. Also he ended the first one with a sentence that implied that he would kill himself possibly at the end of the semester, and I guessed it, so that's what the "you have understood my ending correctly" was for. I have no idea what "the worst" that could happen is. The paragraph about March, is that he had created a fake Facebook account because he has a crush on a girl and didn't want to friend her under his own name. It's not really creepy though, because there was no stalking, and he eventually told her who he really was. I just sent this email: "(stuff about the irrelevant paragraph, trying to lighten the mood) But, if you do decide to {[(kill yourself)]}, then can you please promise that before that you will call 1-800-273-8255 first? You can talk to me about any of that... I'll do what I can to help. Although that may not be much, considering where I am in all of this." I have no idea what to do now... Please help! Update that just happened: he emailed this: "You know, I can promise to NOT call that fucking service first. But I am rather sure it won't come to that."
Is this an online friend? Its hard to know what is actually going on if you are not with that friend in person. I have been suicidal myself, and the one thing that I wanted more than anything was for someone to listen to me fully and not dismiss my feelings. For example, if I said I was sad and someone would say "its not that bad!" Im not saying you would do that, but to just be aware of what your friend wants to hear and what you can do to be there for him. I think the best thing to do is stay in contact with him and be as supportive as possible. He says he wouldn't call that number but he also doesn't think it would come to that? That is a little confusing. Do you know any of his other friends that could help?
No he's not an online friend, and I do know someone else who is friends with him. But I told this person that I had an anonymous friend who might kill himself, and his responses were things like "tell him that he's stupid for wanting to do that" or "tell him that suicide is extremely selfish" so I don't think that that person would be much help...
Accept thst yes, he's sad, saying stuff like 'Its not that bad" wont help. If I were in your place, I's drive over to his house right away and do all I can to stop him from committing suicide.
From my experience, if he's really going to commit, he wont tell you. He'll just do it. The fact that he emailed you implies that he wants help. Try to get him to talk about why he's feeling this way and how you can help. Go talk to him, let him understand that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I also suggest going onto buzzfeed's youtube and searching up their mental health week videos. Specifically the ones about the man who survived jumping from the Goldengatw bridge, and the one where people talk about what it's like to lose someone from suicide. I hope everything works out
Do what you can - if you can visit him, go over and just hang out. Listen to what he is saying and see if there's something you can take from that. However, I've had some friendships like this in the past and YOU have to realize that you can't let yourself be dragged down, either. I am not saying that you should just let him go, just a friendly reminder that you have to help yourself, as well. If it gets too much for you or you don't know what to do, there are resources out there for people who are suicidal. This is not something you can do all by yourself.
When someone close to us is talking about suicide it's very difficult to take it all on board and try to help. Being there to listen can make a difference and if you can get them to consider the reality of the feelings they are expressing and the underlying issues, that's good too, but don't make yourself vulnerable in the process. The temptation to do anything and everything to rescue someone with suicidal thoughts can take a huge toll on us. Sometimes, people open up more when they are talking to a stranger who is not emotionally invested in their lives, so do consider that. It might be better for you to point him in the direction of a suitably qualified therapist or suicide prevention helpline (check out the following link): International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) - Resources: Crisis Centers
Okay hopefully a new post will move this back up to where people will see it. With finals and the end of the semester approaching, I'm starting to get worried again. He seems happy enough, but he didn't seem really depressed beforehand either. Is there any way to tell if he is still planning on doing it?
Talk to him but don't make it too obvious. Ask how he's doing, make small talk and get a feel for how he's doing overall. There is no way to be absolutely positive but you can get an idea of everything by figuring where his emotions are.
People who are seriously planning to kill themselves don't give out any signs about it. Often people think they are getting better although that is just an act they put on not to raise suspicion. A class mate of mine killed himself and it came as utter shock to everyone. Outwards he seemed so happy and then he just jumped in front of a train. Monitor for ANY unusual behavior. Usually small out of place acts are the only clue about imminent suicide. For example a person who never hugs their family might do it on the morning of his suicide. Perhaps you could try convince him he should try talking to a psychologist. I mean if he considers suicide then he has nothing to lose by talking to a shrink.
