What are you thinking?

So what am I thinking, girls I'm a lesbian after all what else !!!

 

How the hell sm I 24 and still having first day of class jitters

 

ugh, I hate phone interviews...


at least that wasn't one I am super interested in

 

I'm just really pist off and annoyed right now. Oh I can't stand people.

 

Got my new jersey today. I actually wasn't expecting it until tomorrow. For once a Monday started out well.

 

That usually tends to follow. Along with "can I see pics of yours" depending on whatever set of parts they assume you have and "can u host?" God, being single sucks.

 

Kinda why I refuse to use dating sites

 

I'm thinking: Wow, my doll collection is coming along! ( that feels super stupid to say)

 

So it's taken about 2 and a half years to get from 2,000,000 posts to 3,000,000. If I recall correctly, it took something like five years to get from 1,000,000 to 2,000,000. We must be growing exponentially.

 

He told he that he was so horny, and after I didn't reply, he didn't message me again

 

I either get hit on by guys old enough to be my grandfather (nothing against older men, except those older men hit on me because I look underage, which raises all kinds of disturbing implications) or I land catfishes. I don't blame you one bit. I'm not using dating sites right now (I mean, literally just got out of relationship. I don't want to look like I'm on the rebound) but lordy, just hoping I land one of those meet-cutes before I have to resort to one.

Yup, usually the type. I'm convinced they have secretaries who do the copy/paste deal for them.

--

AUGH it's finally happening. See, it doesn't even feel real yet but I'm supposed to have my last T letter consultation on Wednesday.

 

Called my insurance provider today and they said the dentist I saw is for sure part of the new dental network, and I called their office just to be sure. I'm sooo fucking happy now that I don't need to sweat about this so much. Granted, I still feel weird being this long on T and I'm still having to hear my birth name, but still.

 

Told someone who apparently though we were going to date, that I was a trans guy.
His reply?
"Oh I don't want a GF so.."
My response?
"Well I don't want an ignorant prick as a BF so Ya know, bye!"

 

Finally got around to cashing my checks after months of not doing so. The teller at the bank was scolding me for doing that. If I wasn't trying to be serious I probably would have laughed at her.

Also listening to Merciful Nuns, pretty good day today.

 

I am thinking about how easy it is to train a child to believe that a talking snake convinced two humans to eat a fruit that introduced the concept of "sin" into the world. As far as I know, snakes don't talk.

 

I'm thinking that I really need to write. I actually think I'm a worse procrastinator than Da Vinci was.
Also that "Da Vinci" is not/was not a real surname, therefore:
- I just referred to someone as "of Vinci".
- I wonder what his actual surname was.

 

My mind: Hey, do you mind (the irony ) if I give you a random memory that may or may not be real, and also barely any context so you'll spend too much time trying to figure out the details of it and you'll end up procrastinating on work?

Me: Why would you do that?

My mind: So then you can remember the rest of the memory days later, and it'll make sense then. Also, the rest of the memory may not be real. But then again, the first half may not be either. It could be that none of this is real.

Me: I hate you.

:eusa_doh:

 

I've been feeling deathly tired all day today. I don't know if it is the result of bad sleep, not enough food or depression. I haven't been this depressed in months. I basically just wanted to lie on my stomach in the sofa all day today with my face buried in a pillow. I cooked dinner for an hour standing like a zombie by the stove and once the food was done I didn't even want to eat. I basically had a bowl of yoghurt for breakfast, a baby portion of food for dinner and two pitas after that. I just didn't have any kind of apetite today. I almost felt like puking from the dinner. The best way to describe my mood today is 'apathetic'. It was even hard for me to conjure a frown today.

This saturday I was at one of my aunts house to celebrate her husbands 70th birthday and I just felt so drained after that. I had to listen to all sorts of different stupid shit. That one smug guy who talks about how good of a person he is. Then you have the stupid shittalk that wasn't very tasteful tossed around, as I guess was somewhat expected since the eurovision song contest was on tv. I just wanted to walk outta there like "NOPE, ain't gonna spend my saturday night like this." But obviously I couldn't do that because, reasons.

I just feel like I can't ever be myself. I try so hard to just feel comfortable in my own skin but I just can't. Most of the time I just feel like I want to claw my face off in hopes that the real me will emerge. It's unbearable!

 

Simple... Pizza!