What are you thinking?

Well, almost done with homework. I can do this.

 

Who wants rum drinks with me?

 

How dare my family! They started mocking some guy on TV because he was, as they called him, a 'typical gay friend'. Using a high squeaky voice and doing the whole hand thing. I hate them so much.

 

A few hours ago I was contemplating suicide. I was done. There was no point in anything- I was planning on trying to overdose. I've had so many dreams lately about it. It's funny how things change so fast. One second, I was happy, and in love, and the next, everything was gone and my ex started using me for work or being rude or whatever and my therapist got a new job, I have a music class with the friends of my biggest bully....no point in anything if you're lonely.

But within an hour, my whole life turned around again, and this time for the better...I could never have imagined I'd get oppurtunities until college, but I'm now joining a rock or metal ensemble as a keyboardist and/or singer, and going to take classes in composing music from a guy who does a very similar genre as what I'm into. And it's a dream come true for me.

 

I wonder why I feel so sad today. Why do I feel so anxious. Why do I say I will make my life better, then wait for someone to knock me back down? When I will grow my backbone? Will will I push myself outside my comfort zone? How do I know I can't do something if I never try?

 

Met a few FtMs today and talking to them helped a lot

 

I'm thinking of going to the University of Waterloo, but I think it will be full of straight people.

 

A little early, no?

 

Some people can be so judgemental and hypocrites.

 

I admit that I can be and I have no shame about it.

 

Slept well after a long time.
Goodbye Insomnia!

 

I wonder... If I put my computer battery in the freezer, what would happen?

 

Just wanted to say you are all awesome people (*hug*)

 

It's never too early for me. More time to stay f'ed up and make mistake you or I'll regret.


Anyway,

I had the urge to come out earlier to one of my nephews. I keep thinking about all the time I'm wasting not living my truth. So many people want the chances I've been given and I take it for granted and live in fear of what's to come. What if I die tomorrow? Then I would have died with regret. I'll never have had my first kiss. No one will have known the true me.....

 

It's 5 o'clock somewhere, right?

 

i'm thinking that i made a huge mistake.. but i'm not sure either.. doing something that's difficult doesn't necessarily mean it is wrong..

 

We would, the ones who read this would. But it isnt time for you to die, not until well after you got a peaceful life and family if you want that, so keep fighting all the bullshit til you get there!

 

I literally dreamed about knives

 

It's after 6 o'clock here and I have a beer in hand

 

Holy hell is nobody going to talk about this? I'm really sorry you felt like this, it just serves as a reminder that it's better not to be impulsive about stuff with either suicide or self-harm, and I should know. Please message me if you need support or anything. (*hug*)