What's it like seeing old friends who you haven't seen in a long time, particularly when they knew you as straight? It's a silly question, I know. I'm planning a trip next summer that will include visiting some old friends in a city where I briefly lived. I'm excited about it, of course; it's been about 10 years since I've been there or seen these people, even though we've kept in touch. But I have a lot of dark memories of being in the closet there, and I'm just barely starting to come out to these people. Part of me is really looking forward to making some new, good, memories there, but I'm also really nervous. One issue is that friends can drift apart after a while, and it's been 10 freaking years. But another issue is that I'm finally showing them who I really am, or at least a great big part of who I really am, and I don't know how things will work out. Maybe I'm just overreacting, but it's been something I've been wondering a lot about.
Help us out here just a bit ... are these folks known for being particularly conservative or religious?
Well, so far I've found people's reactions to be far less intense than I thought they would. You know, you imagine the questions they're going to ask you and how you're going to respond and go round in your head with all that, but honestly, so far the reactions of even my oldest friends have amounted to: Oh, ok. Glad you figured that part of yourself out. It must have been hard. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
I had that same problem 8 years ago. But honestly, they cared more about me becoming too fat than me coming out ) So I guess you'll be okay
I think people care even less than we want them to, to be honest. I think if your coming out is not coupled with a huge change in demeanor or dress, they will probably be pretty chill. Maybe you'll meet someone else who has come out in the intervening years too!
This actually came up with another of my friends, actually. He mentioned something like, you know, I bet you (insert mutual friend's name here) is gay, too......... And it wouldn't shock me.
Nobody is going to care. I'd be surprised if anyone even brings it up, to be honest. I've been in situations since coming out which I thought would be very awkward. Turns out I just blew them way out of proportion because I thought people would care way more than they actually do.
My brother had a friend who was known as "straight" in his college years. As time went on, he acquired a boyfriend and lived life in the gay section of town. I am not, but my brother has always been a strong Republican. This friend made the wrong assumption that my brother would not respect his choices. My brother never lost patience and eventually, he regained the friendship of his old college buddy- as well as the new boyfriend. Moral of the story, have faith in your friends. You have more to gain than to lose.
Yeah, I completely understand that you're a bit nervous. Who wouldn't be? But I agree with what everyone else is saying here: it's probably not a big deal at all to your friends. Maybe you could even go there with the intention of not coming out? Not as in acting straight, or closeting yourself, but as in having no agenda. You don't have to prove anything, or be a certain way. The subject of love and relationships will probably crop up in conversations anyhow and at that point, I'm 100% sure you will say something that feels true to you in that moment. What those words will be we don't know, but allow yourself to surprise yourself. In other words: don't prepare!
