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Why am I so scared and unsure?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by xx Kellin xx, Dec 6, 2015.

  1. xx Kellin xx

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi! So, I have been dragging my feet on coming out to my mom for a few months now. I am only out to both of my youth pastors at church, all my church friends, and 3 of my cousins. All of them are supportive so far. But when it comes to my mom, I am scared stiff even though she loves all of my LGBT+ friends.

    I am looking to come out as FtM transgender, and panromantic/asexual. However, I am afraid that she will take the news very hard - especially the transgender aspect. She has expressed some feelings before where I get the hint that she would be okay if I was just a full-on lesbian, but anything else freaks her out. She loves my closest transgender friend to death and often defends him when someone hurts him, but I have a feeling the circumstances might not be so much the same if it was her own child.

    Some days I feel like I want to lie and just say that I'm lesbian, but then there is the fact that when I finally get the guts to tell the truth, I will have to come out to her again. And other days, I feel like writing a 10-page double-spaced 12-point Times New Roman font essay about my feelings and explaining that I am trans, pan, and ace. This also sometimes leads me to question if I am really trans and pan and ace - sometimes I feel like I'm just covering the fact that I'm just a lesbian and it often leads to some pretty bad mental breakdowns because I know in my heart what the truth is.

    I plan on coming out to my mom in either a letter, or an email. I am far too shy and unorganized in speech to try and verbally explain things to her.

    So, what should I do? I know there isn't much of a clear cut question, but I am just so lost on what to tell her, how to word it, etc.
     
  2. Acuba403

    Full Member

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    Hello, first of all congrats on coming out to the people you already have. I never would have thought about coming out to a pastor, I'm glad that they're all supportive.

    With your mother, from what you've said, is promising especially sense she love you other trans friend. the reason it may freak her out is (if she's also religious) is the whole going to hell thing, which is total B.S. or it could just be the fact that she doesn't understand it completely. It's human nature to be weary of the unknown. From what you said though it sounds like you're all good to come out, just make sure you are ready.
     
  3. DemiLiHue

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I find that sending her a letter would be the best thing to do. Handwritten. True. She will understand and see it as you where there saying it, because it has your handwriting. Good luck with the transitioning, Kelling. And don't forget to say you will be much happier that way!! :wink: