Lost my virginity today - biggest mistake EVER

Accept that we have all done stupid things. We've all done things we regret.
Learn and know to never do it again. Use condoms.

 

Hey. I have no experience in this area at all, but I do know something. I know that no matter what happens, it will be ok. If you have an STD, you will deal with it. You are not going to die. You are ok. This too shall pass.

Everyone does stupid things. This does not define you. Sometimes you have to make a mistake to learn the lesson, and I think you've learned the lesson.

This isn't the end of the world, your life, or anything except you having unprotected sex. You will be ok.

 

Aptiva, I'm sorry you lost your virginity this way, but it isn't the end of your life. Get tested for sure and learn from this mistake.

I think the fact you lost control to the point of putting yourself in danger has shaken you up the most. As you found out, it's not worth it. I've been told by gay male friends that casual sex for the sake of sex is not all it's cracked up to be. These types of cruising encounters always made them feel like crap afterwards.



Good luck.

 

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. No STD that you get could hurt you as much as that would. Just breathe. Yes, there are potentially horrible consequences to what you did. However, the chances of any of those things happening are fairly slim.

Do you know where you can go to get testing for STDs?

 

You are in a panic zone right now Aptiva which is a hard place to be. Is there some way you can break the spell of this obsessive thinking and move yourself out of this panic zone prison?

If not...

Can you go to a friend's or share this with your brother who knows you are gay? ... someone who will just hold you and tell you you are OK and everything will be all right.

 

Aptiva,

Please try not to worry before you need to. Get tested and wait for the results. You can't do anything right this minute anyways.

Also, do a search here for Chip's posts using the keyword "infected". I can't remember which thread it was but he explains very clearly what you can expect. It will put your mind at ease.

As for paying for medication. We don't pay. Remember? Provincial healthcare pays. I am self employed and on the rare occasion when I did have to pay for a prescription, it was never more than $10.

 

1. HIV can be treated very easily especially if it is caught early. People are living normally for a regular lifespan after infection.

2. Just because you are getting tested should not indicate to anyone you are being irresponsible. In fact, quite the opposite. My ex and I got tested twice while we were together, and we had used condoms.

3. You realized your mistake. You know now what to do next time. The fact that you take this seriously bodes well for your well-being.

 

I had a similar experience, lost my virginity without using a condom, was awkwardly fine after that but then had a dream where I was told I had AIDS and totally freaked out. I did as many research as I could about AIDS before getting tested and everything I found was reassuring. First the chances of getting AIDS even with someone having the virus are low, then with the Medecine and the technology nowadays AIDS would litterally only shorten your life span of a year ( if you consider that the average age of death is 80 were I live) and that you could basically have a pretty normal life if you keep your viral load at zero (when your viral load is at zero you normally CANNOT transmit the virus). I was also scared about different things since I am woman (such as pregnancy and stuff but also noticed that it would be all possible as long as my viral load was low).

So after reading all of this and having those infos confirmed by a doctor I was much less freaked out and much more comfortable idea of having a positive result come back. I still arrived at my test day, sure that I had HIV which slightly amused whoever did the test but thankfully the result was negative.


I know realize that the stress of having to go through that again is NOT worth a bit of fun without condoms but the knowledge have gained through this experience have been a blessing as I have realized that AIDS isn't as terrible as people paint it out to be and that I would still have more chances of dying in a car crash during my life span than from the actual consequences of AIDS.

So I would take a deep breathe and relax, you didn't destroy your life, you made a mistake that a lot of us have been guilty off. You can always talk with a doctor who could give you an heavy preventive treatment if he thinks you are genuinely at risk to reduce even more the chances of you having AIDS. I know for the actual test they ask you to wait for three months after your last unprotected sexual encounters as it's when your viral load (or something along those lines) would start to change and when doctors would be able to detect the virus. The test personally took a second and I had the result about twenty (long) minutes later.

Don't beat yourself up since there is nothing you can do now but wait, instead try and turn this experience as something positive and informative for the future.

Good luck and keep us updated (but I am sure you are only going to be given good news ! ) (*hug*)

 

A viral load is : '' a measure of the number of viral particles present in an organism or environment, especially the number of HIV viruses in the bloodstream.''

There is NO WAY you would feel HIV symptoms today nor tomorrow. You are just freaking out so your brain is trying to find symptoms to prove to itself that you are indeed affected by the virus.
Take a deep breathe and relax, the chance of you having it are extremely low.