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i'm so confused! Can anyone relate?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by JetBlackHeart, Nov 24, 2015.

  1. JetBlackHeart

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    I know I shouldn't worry about labels and all but I just want an answer. To know clearly who I am and what I want. I've been avoiding talking about this for the past couple months because I just get panicky but then I want to address it and talk about it.
    I don't know if I'm gender fluid, agender, cisgender but over thinking everything or androgynous? I know k want to cut my hair short like a male looking hair cut, wear more masculine olothes and also have they/them/their pronouns and a more unisex name such as Charlie but then sometimes I want to dress more feminine but still with the they/them pronouns but I don't mind she pronouns and my birth name.
    I don't necessarily feel 100% male ever or 100% female and I hate having breasts but I'm fine with everything else female.
    And then I think, maybe I'm just cisfemale and thinking way to far into it? I just want to belong and know exactly where I fit in.
    Can anyone else relate? I keep changing my mind from one thing to another and it seems though when I'm happy with one label, I change mindset and I'm so confused :frowning2:
     
  2. Yasha of XMETAS

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    I am going through similar issues on my own gender identity. I don't really mind the female pronouns for addressing me, I don't mind my name, but I would like to be reffered to as a boy once in a while as well. I also really want to cut my hair super short, have more masculine clothes, and just bind my chest. I've even comprehended a unisex name, and also a male one showing my own mix of feelings, of being somewhat a girl, but more of a boy. I haven't tweezed my eyebrows in a whole month, cuz I want them to be thicker and more male looking for when I cut my hair, I'll look more like a boy.
    I think I might be gender fluid, or genderqueer. I just know that I'm biologically a woman, but in that only like 95% of my brain. The other 5% is female who likes cute things sometimes and kittens, and a I fangirl over lots of things when I'm excited. I would like my breasts gone or at least reduced sometimes, but at the same time I don't. The other half I don't even know what I want.
    So, to answer your question, yes, I can relate. And I am confused as well, but here I hope to get some answers.
     
  3. JetBlackHeart

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    This gave me a lot of reassurance that I'm not the only one and I'm not just obsessing and overthinking things :slight_smile: so Thankyou!
    Same here with who pronouns and name thing! I don't mind either pronouns but they/them/their seems more fottong and my birth name doesn't bother me but I'd liked to be addressed as who I feel (more masculine) sometimes?
    With you on all those things too <3 binding, change pf style and hair cut but I've been trying to dress more girly and present feminine in the hope I can just forget ever feeling like I might not be cis but really, I know ignoring it won't help :wink:
    Ahh I see :slight_smile: when you do cut your hair and dress the way you want to dress and feel comfortable, good luck <3 always be yourself okay :slight_smile:
    Yeah same here! There's days when I'm like 'boy, I'm a boy but I still feel a little like a girl' then other days when I'm like 'nah definitely a female, maybe just a little masculine but I'm a girl' then the next day I think 'who am I!! D: I don't even know' :')
    Good luck with figuring it out <3 :slight_smile: you've honestly really helped and I'm worrying a lot less about it and I feel reassured :slight_smile:
    Thankyou for your reply! X
     
  4. Romin

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    I went through something similar when figuring myself out too. For me, I identify as female and use she/her/they/them pronouns. But I also strongly identify as Masculine-of-center, or butch, meaning that I'm female but just very unlike a 'traditional' cisgender female would be. Mentally, I'm probably 65% male and 35% female but I try not to box myself in too much. Just go with the flow and recognize that your interests, style, or haircut don't have to have anything to do with your gender. Best of luck to you!
     
  5. Yasha of XMETAS

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    You're very welcome :slight_smile: I'm glad I helped someone out. I never dressed in more feminine clothes unless I was going to a fancy dinner or Christmas dinner or something. And even then it will always be with pants and a shirt, never never never EVER will i wear a dress, skirt, or anything like that. I've always been more of the non-gender clothing, meaning like baggy shirts, T-Shirts, loose jeans and pants. So I might have always displayed genderqueer qualities, meaning I'm neither one or the other as far as my understanding of what genderqueer is, I apologize for any ignorance or anything on this matter. But now that I'm an adult, I feel that I've slowly been opening myself up to fully embrace my masculine side. I really do think that people can in fact feel like both, because: Why not?. You can be anyone or anything you want to, life's too short to pretend to be something your not, it's way more exhausting than just being yourself. I'm still kinda closeted so I can understand why people would not want to express themselves this way. But, I hope to get better, and gain the courage to just go to my family or strangers and say "Hey guys, I'm Genderfluid, I'm not a girl, I'm not a boy I'm both, I'm neither, got a problem? Too bad, it's my life not yours."

    But good luck to you :slight_smile:
     
  6. Fairyglitter

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    I'm pretty much the same. I bind a lot, I wish I could get my hair cut short (though I haven't done it yet because I'm afraid of regretting it), I wear masculine clothing. I'm often unsure of whether I'm actually genderqueer or just a cis girl who was given too much freedom to wander off the "norms". However, when I think about being referred to as a girl by everyone, I feel trapped in the gender binary. I sometimes wanna be referred to as a boy, sometimes as neither, sometimes as both, and sometimes I'm ok with be referred to as a girl. That's why I started asking people to use they/them/their and identify under the umbrella term of genderqueer. And I hope that one day, me, you, and everyone going through questioning find what makes us most comfortable and happy.
     
  7. Yato Gami

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    I have similiar feelings. I'm so confused about my gender right now. At first I thought I was a lesbian, then I started thinking more about gender identity and figured I might be genderqueer. But then I read more and more and now I think I'm genderfluid because sometimes I'd like to really be a boy but other times I feel pretty girly and I like wearing dresses and all (not very often but it happens) and mostly I feel like I'm something in between. I'd like to buy myself a binder and I want my hair short again.
    Sometimes I get a bit doubtful though and I think I just might be a tomboy as I've always hated the colour pink and all and I start thinking, I'm jusf getting "manipulated" by seeing so many queer/ trans people on tumblr and at this forum or else. And I'm just so confused. I can totally understand you.
     
  8. justine16

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    I can definitely relate! I am going through the exact same issues right now. I am really confused as well!
     
  9. JetBlackHeart

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    I thinks that's one thing I definitely need to remember; hair style, clothing etc doesn't necessarily change my gender, it's just who I am. Thank you Romin, for all your help :slight_smile: sorry for the super late reply too!
    Oh gosh, dresses are a hugeeee no!!! I hate the idea and thought of wearing a dress :') my friends want me to wear a dress, get my nails, hair and makeup done for some school prom but for a starter that would cost a fortune and two, I can't think of anything worse! I'm so glad it's not just me who feels like this, it's really quite reassuring. Ah I see. I like your point. Why not step outside the mainstream norms of society, right! Good luck with coming out and feeling comfortable. Thanks again, I've taken in every word you've said and it really has helped, everyone has.
    That's exactly what I was thinking fairyglitter! As in, am I just overthinking everything and manipulating myself in a way by overthinking? Or do I just feel like this because some friends are transs/gender fluid and I'm thinking researching to into it to try and perfectly fit myself into a label when in reality I know that's not possible? Thankyou for sharing that <3 I hope you find a place when you are fully happy and comfortable in the end. Thankyou for the support and help :slight_smile:
    Totally relatable! I think it's all down to how recently so many more genders have been discovered and there's so many different labels that we try to find the one the we fit perfectly because really, for me at least, it gives me a sense of belonging. Like when I finally figured I'm bisexual, I was happy and felt like I had a label that fitted me. I know label really mean nothing as we should all just be ourself without having o identify as anything exactly. Good luck Yato Gami, I hope one day you'll be able to be 100% happy with your gender <3
    Good luck Justine. *hugs*
    Thanks again everyone for sharing and I honestly feel so much better after reading your comments. Best of luck to you all :slight_smile: