:help::help:I know I am a lesbian. I am also married to a man. I have 2 sweet kids who have been jerked around because of my military career way too many times. We are no longer in the military and bought a house not that long ago. I can tell my oldest (8 years old) feels really happy and secure for once. ALL of these things make me so anxiety ridden throughout the day. I want to be happy with who I am! I feel like I can't really be ME until I come out and start the road to separating from my husband. But how can I do that to him and the kids? He is such a good dad and we really do lean on one another. So then I think about what would hhusbandsave to happen in order for me to raise these kids without a dual income and a shared mortgage, etc. etc. I went back to work as a part time teacher assistant this year, which has been a huge step! It works because my 3 year old goes to preschool at the same place and the same time that I am working. So I don't have a daycare fee to worry about. That being said, I can't really afford to LIVE on this income. My question for others who have been through a separation or a divorce when they were not the main income in the house is......how did you do it? Has anyone continued to live with their spouse after a divorce so they could both get on their feet before moving out? I should love my life. I have so so many things that I am thankful for and I have been lucky. So why do I feel so trapped? It is a horrible feeling to have.
I completely understand where you are coming from. From the outside looking in my life also looks ideal, I should also love my life, but still something is missing. And has been missing my whole life. I feel so guilty for not being able to keep everything as is. But I am at a tipping point, which it sounds like you are as well. I cannot stay, but I don't know how to go. I wish I had some words of advice, but I am at the same point you are. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. I KNOW we can do it, it is just working out the details and mustering the courage.
Hi LBSmitty, I guess I don't qualify to answer your question, but I just wanted to let you know that things will get better. Even if all the logic is saying otherwise, just hang in there. Try to stay positive, no matter how pointless and disheartening it may seem right now. And no matter how little my words may mean to you, please know that I really hope you will come out from all of this on top, happy, with no regrets. Take care, Mila
I would suggest making a long term plan. For me the plan has been to go back to school, and get a way to support myself and the kids alone... my relationship with my husband has morphed and become better since I started this plan, so plans can change, but i do need to know that I can take care of myself and provide for the kids without him. It my not be perfect, but making and carrying out this type of plan can be progress, without huge risk or disruption, the kids get some security, and you will have better options when and if you are ready to take a leap in a few years. Talk to you kids about justice issues for LGBT people. Raise them to see these options as normal, teach them to recognize injustice, and issues women face trying to support themselves. When and if you are ready, they will more likely understand.
thank you everyone for your kind and supportive words. It means the world to have a place to talk about this stuff.
Make the plan and do your best to stick to it so that if/when you need to, you can break away and support your self/children. I did not realize this was the path I was on until last year during therapy when things became clear and I came up with "the Plan." I am getting closer each day and by this time next year, I should be out (in more ways than one) and able to support myself and my daughter. 2016 is coming soon, time does not stand still. Make a plan - J
Good for your, Irish! Best wishes, LBSmitty. I am coming to terms with my own sexuality (maybe bi) and don't feel like I need to leave my marriage to be true to myself. However, if you identify as a lesbian, that has got to be very difficult. I admire your courage in beginning to take the steps to be true to who you are. Hang in there and take it slow.
You are not alone. I am anxious all the time. I even find it hard to be around others. I feel I am lying about who I am. I discovered I was queer about three years ago. Married 12 years with two daughters. All I can say is be kind to yourself and make that plan. People move out of marriages everyday.
I understand you so well!!! It's like you are writing about my life. I don't have any advice for you since I haven't figured out what to do myself. I have this huge sense of duty towards my family, my kids, I feel that I have no right to come out and ruin their lives. Because, let's be honest - kids want to live with their mommy and daddy, not the mummy and some other lady..It's the fact, you can't ignore it. So, I am thinking of other ways to deal with anxiety and feeling unhappy. So far - zero luck