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Coming out when parents forbid it

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by CyberStar, Nov 14, 2015.

  1. CyberStar

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    So, my parents have forbid me from coming out to anyone at this new school I'm going to. I'm transgender, mtf, and I really hate being stuck as a guy. But my parents are determined to keep me that way. So, should I come out at school? And how should I go about it?
     
  2. Connorcode

    Connorcode Guest

    Don't make life difficult for yourself. I mean this in two ways: don't feel trapped just because your parents have forbid coming out; don't feel like you can't come out to people; and don't separate yourself from your parents.

    It's a difficult situation for sure, and I would say you should only come out to people at this new school if you feel very close to them and believe they won't make your life difficult.
    I'm sure other people on here will be able to articulate a response better than mine! Good luck!
     
  3. Linus

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    Does your school have an alliance club? Check into that, and if they do, you can be yourself there. And if nothing else, most schools have a school therapist. So you can tell them about your situation(or if you have another therapist) hopefully, and maybe they can help you communicate with your parents.
     
  4. Distant Echo

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    What reason do they give? And to be honest, you're 17. They shouldn't really have a say IMO

    Maybe they think if you don't come it, it will go away? They need to understand that it won't, however much they may wish for that.
     
  5. ANerdWhoCares

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    Not their decision to make. By doing this, they are forcing you to be someone you're not. I'm not your parents, so I can't say for sure if it's because they fear you'll be subject to prejudice, or if it's because they think it'll somehow make you conform to their image of what you should be. Regardless of their intent, you're old enough to make that choice for yourself, and my advice towards that choice, be who you truly believe you are. Who knows? Maybe showing that feat of individuality and bravery will make you a few new friends at school! People admire someone who doesn't let others put them down.
     
  6. CyberStar

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    Their reasoning in not letting me come out is because they are worried about their reputation. It's in my opinion pretty selfish. But according to them everything in the house works as "because I'm the parent and I said so", so I'm expected to unquestioningly obey them (not that I ever do). But lately I've been trying to be more careful since I'm only about a month and a half away from being eighteen, and getting thrown out would be quite bad.
     
  7. ANerdWhoCares

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    Bide your time, I guess? This situation is a tough one. I'm not sure my advice is the RIGHT answer, but it's one answer...

    Once highschool is over, a college campus is a great place to be yourself without being subject to your parents' rules. Once you're out on your own, you're home free (literally :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:). I personally wouldn't wait that long, but if you truly believe it would be a danger to you to come out while your parents are still supporting your needs, then don't. Hang in there, it'll get better sooner than later. :frowning2: