Hi everyone.. So it's taken me years to finally embrace my genderfluidity, and start really living as I feel fit. But I'm struggling with not feeling enough. As of late there has been tons of stories making the news, I see them in the paper, magizens and TV shows, about trans folk. Which I mean is amazing, but it's always about people that have known since they could walk/talk that they were the opposite gender. I'm 23 and have only started to figure things out. I struggle with not feeling trans enough because of my fluitiy, but now that I'm only coming around to it now, there is more of that feeling because I should have seen it sooner. Makes me feel I must be faking. Makes me feel that perhaps I just need to ignore my feeling cause they aren't as valid as the people that have always known. I know this is silly and I'm just caving to my anxieties. But I'm not too sure what to do.. are these feeling normal?
I think your feelings are very normal. And it's not only people who are 20+ or so who feel like that. I also feel like that. I realized a few years before you. Does that make me more trans? No. There are people who realize when they are 15, 12, or 10 years old who still feel like they're not trans enough because they should have realized sooner. I try not to dwell on it but look ahead instead. Not that it's always easy, of course. Best of luck. xx
I'd definitely say your feelings are normal because I completely relate - the media manages to focus on that one trans narrative and it can really mess with you when you don't fit that narrative at all. But as Invidia said, people realise these things at all different ages and there's nothing wrong with being 'late to the party', so to speak. Just because the media skips over trans, non-binary or otherwise-other-gendered people who don't fit the "I've known since I was capable of thought" trans narrative, that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of people out there with experiences like yours. It's kind of why I joined EC - it's nice to be around people with more varied experiences of gender than the ones I was exposed to through the media filter. My wall is always free if you want to talk about anything, gender-related or otherwise!
Hey, I can also relate to this a lot. I didn't find out I was gender-non-binary sooner than mid-twenties. And now while I feel strongly that somehow, I'm not the gender I was assigned at birth, I think it's somehow weird or a phase or fake because I realized so late. It's hard because - yeah, it's great that there's more media coverage on trans* lives,but they still only take stories that fit into a certain mold. A lot of aspects are not being seen, and a lot of people are still being underrepresented. Well, before I start to rant... back to the personal. I think it's a bit of a choice: do you want to look more deeply into your past and find out why it was never much of an issue? Or do you want to try and push that aside for a while focus on what is now? I don't do well at any of the two right now... I find myself thinking back to situations where I felt the most comfortably or uncomfortably "female". Thinking whether most of that was trying to fullfill a stereotype. My main reason why I never found out I was trans: I never really new there was the non-binary option. I don't identify strongly as male, so why would I think I was trans then? When I got to meet some trans* people, I didn't suddenly identify or think: Hey, I'm like that. But it started a process in my head, a process that only came to the surface in the form of gender dysphoria. I don't completely understand how that happened, and it's driving me crazy. Especially when I hear from trans* acquaintances that they always knew, I just don't know how to tell MY story. A lot of babbling about me, but I hope it helped a little bit...
I have been told and really hope that this is normal. I believe it is. I hope it is because I have felt exactly the same way. I still sometimes feel that way but people keep reminding me not to compare my experiences with others'. Your feelings are no less valid just because other people had those feelings at a different time.
Invidia : Thank you so very much for your response, it makes me feel not so alone hearing others are in the same boat. I'm trying to look forward and not compare my experience with others but it gets hard. Just need to surround myself with others that understand and happiness, just keep on pushing forward. Oddsocks : The more varied experiences of gender is just what makes me feel at home here. I've tried to talk with others and they keep bringing up those trans folk in the lime light, comparing what I'm telling them to these peoples stories, unfair as it is I'm happy it's coming to light and I know in a few years time it will be easier. Thank you for listening GenderSciFi : I'm so glad to hear others that feel the same way. Like you I never felt I fit the mold I was put into, though it never came up as a problem (no authority figures tried to push me into the mold I mean) So I never had to fight against it and figure it out sooner. Though when I moved to a big city and saw there were other people expressing publicly what I felt inside I knew there was more to it and started to look into my options. I'm happy that the gender spectrum is more in the media light now, and know that more people are speaking up because of it. A few more years time perhaps and we won't see the same type of stories. Though, I guess seeing those stories lead people that have been questioning for a long time to find places like this and figure them selfs out. It's never too late I've been told. MtnCase : I guess it's one of those things where you know it's different for everyone, but it makes you feel less alone to hear it, to see other peoples stories. I know my feelings are vaild, and each story is diffrent, but seeing that others are in the same boat, I know I'll be okay.
