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I think my brother was also gay...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by cate1515, Oct 30, 2015.

  1. cate1515

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    Im 33, and came out as a lesbian 7 months ago after falling hard in love with my best friend, we now have an amazing relationship with each other, though we both still live with our husbands (who know) and children. I definitely have since come to the realization I was always a lesbian and a lot of things make sense for me about my entire life now.

    I also have been correct about my intuitions about a few other people as well. When me and my best friend/girlfriend first became close friends, I somehow could feel or sense that we had that connection and we would eventually be what we are, and here we are. Another girl I was friends with in HS, long before id even begin to allow myself to acknowledge my true identity, there was a girl I was friends with, and I sensed she was a lesbian even though she acted as though she wasn't, and years later after many years of not seeing or talking to her, I see she is in fact married to another woman. And the list goes on...

    I now believe thinking about it, my brother was also gay. He was my only brother, 6 years older. We were super close. We also have a younger sister, who is seemingly happily married to her husband). He suffered from severe depression, didn't date girls very much ever at all, and I see the same patterns as myself now that ive figured out what those patterns meant for me (deliberately strongly focusing on other things, and making those things take up all your time so you don't have to make people wonder why you are avoiding dating like everyone else is.) For me, it was dance. I danced every day and when I wasn't in class, I devoted my time to babysitting, or assisting with the younger dancers at the studio. He devoted himself to math, and school clubs. I know when he went to a summer program at a college a year before college, he had some episode/panic thing happen, which I was only a kid myself then and only remember hearing bits and pieces of what happened but I believe it was about an experience with another male, which I didn't understand then but I do now. He married at 23, to a woman older than him, the first woman he officially dated. She was very nice, but they never seemed to have a romantic connection, she was divorced and had a child (possibly was looking for someone who wanted to settle down with her), and she has eventually opened up they never had much of a real connection, he always seemed though he was nice to her that he wasn't into having a romantic or sexual relationship. This mirrors my marriage.

    Unfortunately, I will NEVER know for sure, because my brother committed suicide when I was 18 and he was 24. Over the years my mother (who is very open minded, and knows now I am a lesbian, she wasn't in the least bit surprised) has made comments about my brother and his life and death over the years that have led me to believe she knew deep down he was gay also. I also think part of why she wasn't in the least surprised about me, was because she also knew my brother was gay also. I have come to terms with my brother's death and how depressed he was, though I miss him every day. Yet, I feel awful knowing this could have been part of his issues, especially being that 15 years ago things were a lot different than they are now, as far as feeling acceptance to live life as a member of the LGBT community (which is a main reason I forced myself to suppress it). No I don't know for sure, but I have one of my gut feelings based on a lot of things. I, too have been an emotional rollercoaster of feelings these past 7 months. I still "talk" to my brother quite often, and he probably could tell I was gay also before I even did.

    Welp, I don't expect any advice from this post I just wanted to share my intuitive feeling. I also know it doesn't really matter, other than to kind of make me feel like Im not alone in another aspect to think he felt the same was as I did.
     
    #1 cate1515, Oct 30, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2015
  2. Chicagoblue

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    I know its hard to piece things together about others and our collective pasts. I'm going through the same thing with some close associates...but indirectly.

    So sorry about your brother.
     
  3. Jamie1975

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    Sending you big hugs cate
    xx
     
  4. baristajedi

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    Big hugs to you (*hug*). I'm so sorry for your loss.
     
  5. Sara90

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    I am sincerely sorry for your lost.

    I am very glad LGBTQ communities all over majority countries in the world are finally accepted after all years, struggles. challenges. We are now seen as hetrosexual couples and are able to fall in love and legally marry our partners.
     
  6. Shadowsylke

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    So sorry to hear about your brother, Cate. I have also lost a relative to suicide...it''s really hard. Hugs! (*hug*)
     
  7. zuice

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    Sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. Suicide leaves guilt within others. Thank you for sharing your story. Maybe, his inner struggle did not involve one issue. I say this in a supportive manner, because suicide often involves many levels of despair.
     
  8. Cool Bananas

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    There is certain people in my life that now I look back at it and realize that they could have been gay. Knowing someone who has taken their life must be tough, but the only thing I can think of is there must be lots of factors involved, and I guess you always wonder what more could you have done.
     
  9. bi2me

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    I am so sorry for your loss, but I am glad you have had a bit of insight that might be helpful to you. (*hug*)