80% gay

Why bother searching for a label? Is a label that important?

 

I believe the label I choose should describe who I am now and who I am interested in now...
So even if all my past experiences were with men, since I came out to myself I realized that I'm not interested in the opposite gender really anymore in that sense.
In this case I think saying I'm bi would be deceiving, since men would think I am still interested in them.

Otherwise I'm struggling as well with the "you have no experience, you can't be sure" thing, but other than getting angry a few times for why it happend like that, well, it did, and this is who I am and I don't really care anymore.
Accepting that I'm not 100% sure and that's ok gave me some peace of mind.

 

Not 'struggling' with this per se, but I totally get what you mean.


"I believe the label I choose should describe who I am now and who I am interested in now...
So even if all my past experiences were with men, since I came out to myself I realized that I'm not interested in the opposite gender really anymore in that sense."

Yeah, when I started to accept that I was bi, my attraction for guys faded quite a bit. It's still there though. I could never identify as 'gay', but I don't like the 'bi' label either, because some guys are like an exception to my orientation rather than a huge part of it.

Maybe instead of focusing on a label for now, it would be better to try and think about what you want from your marriage, or a relationship. This is a really big decision to make, either way. You could tell your husband what you're thinking, or you could leave things as they are, or maybe take some time apart to clear your head.

I haven't been in this situation before, although towards the end of my last break-up in a serious relationship, it was coming pretty close. But I do understand where you're coming from in terms of sexuality. You're not alone.

 

Here's a quick answer

Kinsey 4 is 70% gay and Kinsey 5 is 90% gay, so Kinsey 4.5 is the most accurate way of saying that you are 80% gay. Some might argue this isn't a valid Kinsey score, but it's based on the extrapolation of the following graph https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale#/media/File:Kinsey_Scale.svg.

The label "homoflexible" describes someone attracted primarily to members of the same sex, but occasionally attracted to members of the opposite sex. This has been used by the younger generation as a less precise alternative to the higher end of the Kinsey scale.

 

I have attached to mostly gay or just queer as an explanation for both my gender and sexuality.

What scares me is as ive let this shit out more, thr less and less attraction i have for men. Thisscaresme because we arecurtrbtly trying tofix our marriage and its just added to it nowthat i feel like i wont be sexually attracted to him...well, i havent beenn for a very long time but its changed now. Ugh anyone else doing that at all...the attraction for opposite gebder fading almost completely?

 

As someone who is about a Kinsey 5 or ~80% gay, I have a question for you: do you think you would sleep with/date someone of the opposite sex? Because I seriously doubt I ever would again, I tell people I'm "gay." If your answer is yes, you might just say "bisexual with a preference toward girls."

 

Some people say ''bisexual homo-lenient''. Meaning they like males and females, but find themselves more often to be attracted to those of same sex. [hetero-lenient for those of opposite sex].

 

This. Even Tho i intend to stay married. I would never ever ever date a man or have sex with a man again if we got divorced. I wish my marriage was more sexless than it already is

 

I've developed a joke with some friends where I tell them I'm "95% gay." I've also said I'm a Kinsey 5, though sometimes I'll say something or do something and they'll be like "and that's why you're a 6!" :lol:

For real though, honestly I've decided that if and when my fiancee (soon to be wife) and I were to split up, I would probably never date or sleep with women again. I wouldn't date them because I've already been through two relationships where my attraction to men (which is stronger) became an issue, and I also truly believe that I could easily never have sex with a woman again and be satisfied. Whereas, I'm really not sure I could say the same about men...actually, I'm pretty sure I cannot say that!

Also, my fiancee, in one of the nicer conversations we had, told me that if we did break up, she'd basically hunt me down if I ended up with another woman. Since half the reason we would break up would be because of my desire to be with men.

If we were to break up, I'd have no problem identifying myself as strictly gay.

Lately, I've just been going with "not straight," since bisexual doesn't actually feel all that fitting at all.

 

I get baristajedi's point that choosing the bi label helped with the denial. I also understand the desire to find something that better defines one's own experience. But, I think it's really only helpful to the individual. If I were to use pansexual, demisexual or any of the other potpourri of terms with anyone in my circle they wouldn't have a clue what I was talking about.

 

In trying to figure out your orientation, try to deemphasize your history (who you've been with) and focus more on who you would prefer being with. Even though I've had more sex with women than with men, I identify as gay because I realize that I prefer relationships with men. Within EC I identify as Kinsey 5 as well as gay, and once you accept that you are Kinsey 5, the jump to gay is much easier

 

Well given your situation there is probably a difference in how you identify TO youself vs. to others. Would you tell your husband you were 80% gay? I think mine would find that very threatening, because he'd be like "and the other 20% is denial" no matter what I told him.

I am, alas, still a Kinsey 3. Which is a really awkward thing to be, in part because no one believes me, lol.

 

Essence of Gay?
Gay-o-liscious?
Wunderqueer! (In a German accent, please.)

 

This is the best :icon_bigg
Should get a t-shirt with that (well, that would be for me out of the comfort zone level 100)