How do you define the word "queer"?

Then you've literally not read some of the threads in EC where this is discussed.

I totally acknowledge that "queer" has a history as a slur, and is presently used as a slur by ignorant people. Regardless of who you've literally met, can we also acknowledge that gay is used as a slur ("aww, man, that's so gay!", "what're you, gay?", "hey, gay-boy!", etc.), and that people are daily traumatized by this as well? This doesn't make the word "gay" unfit for human consumption. Only unfit as a slur.

If my sense was that the vast majority of LGBT people (or even just the vast majority of gay men, frankly) felt that "queer" was an offensive word that should never be used, I would probably find myself not using it. And if the word had no meaning other than "slur against homosexuals" then we wouldn't even be having this discussion (see my comments above about "faggot" or "fag"). But the word does have an original and legitimate meaning, and one that does fit the LGBT community, and I do *not* have the sense that the vast majority of that community views the word as exclusively hurtful (though I'd be open to research suggesting otherwise).

I am honestly not trying to trivialize this. But people get upset by lots of things. Misspellings, grammatical errors, and misused words (including when I do these things) make me feel a small knife running down my spine. Do I have a right to say "learn to use the English language correctly!"? Or is it up to me to deal with it? I mean, sure, I can say it, just like you have the right to voice that you hate the word "queer". But it simply isn't everyone else's responsibility to post in a way that pleases me. (Oh, and don't give me that "you are trivializing it, because you've not been traumatized by bad grammar/spelling/misused words...you have literally no idea what I've been traumatized by.)

I take under advisement that some LGBT people have a problem with "queer" just like I take under advisement that some gay women have a problem with "lesbian", and some homosexuals have a problem with "gay"...and you'll notice that I do not simply throw the word "queer" around with wild abandon, nor have I ever directed it at you that I'm aware of. But I'm not going to ban these words from my vocabulary, because some people get upset by them...even while I acknowledge (fully) that some have had experiences that make it understandable that they get upset. I am sorry that you had those experiences. I've had experiences myself that have made me very sensitive to some things. And I've heard the word "queer" slung around hurtfully, including at me. I sympathize. I do not trivialize. But I'll not be bullied by you any more than I let myself be bullied by those ignorant fools who misused the word "queer".

 

Lol I may not like the word, but feel free to use it to describe the community if you want to. I viewed queer in the noun form. Like you said, you are not a queer, and I am not a queer.

But, if there's anything I had to learn about being queer, it's to develop thick skin. I have no animosity against people who reclaimed the word and turned it into a positive, nor is it my mission to ban any words, haha! I think our energy should be spent elsewhere.

 

While the noun form is definitely ugly, I don't like any other form of it either. I just don't think I can get used to the sound of the word. In the words of the random horse on Ren and Stimpy "Hmm...No sir, I don't like it!"

But if one wants to describe themselves as that, it's obviously fine with me. Far be it from me to attempt to change how one speaks.

 

Sorry for coming across as a bit combative; I took the tone of your post to be trivializing the issue, but I understand that was not your intent.

My argument is not that you should ban the word queer from your vocabulary. It's simply that you should not use it to describe others unless you are confident they are comfortable with the word, and that includes phrases like "the queer community", which apply "queer" as a blanket term to cover all lgbt+ people, including many people who are not comfortable using the word for themselves. You can use it to describe yourself, you can use to to describe other people who use it to describe themselves, but it's not an umbrella term to describe the entire lgbtq community (I would also argue that there are people who belong in the lgbt+ community who cannot reclaim the word queer because it is not used against them, so "the queer community" unintentionally excludes them, but that is an entirely different argument).

 

No, dear. You don't get to tell me how I can use a word. Just like I don't get to tell you what words you can and can't use, or how to use them. This was part of my point. And I stand by it.

 

Idk.

I personally don't mind it. I don't know what I am really at this point as far as sexuality is concerned, and I actually prefer to identify as queer. That's just personal though.

Just to be clear, I'm talking about if I were describing myself. I would NEVER describe someone else as such unless I knew they were OK with it. And I'd never use it as a noun. Only an adjective!