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I told my dad I'm trans, and it didn't go well.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Pyrokel, Oct 25, 2015.

  1. Pyrokel

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    I've known I'm a guy for about a year, but I've just started telling people. My parents are extremely conservative Christians. I've been very vocally supportive of LGBTQ issues for about seven years now - it took them a long time to get used to that idea - they don't like that my beliefs are different from theirs.

    I told my best friends I'm transgender several months ago, and they're extremely supportive, but they live several states away.

    I came out to my mom a couple weeks ago. It was kind of an accident - she thought I was bi, so I just told her the truth. And I was incredibly surprised!! She told me I'll always be her little girl, but that she's willing to try calling me by a new name and pronouns when I start to come out more publicly. She's been much more supportive than I thought possible. That gave me the courage to talk to my dad. My relationship with him has been pretty rocky for the past few years, so I've been worried about telling him.

    I told him tonight, and he reacted kind of badly. He immediately started talking about how I'm confused, and how he'll never pretend I'm something I'm not, and how God made me a girl and I can't change that.

    Like I said, my friends are states away, and I'm sitting here alone tonight, in desperate need of hugs. Sorry for venting.

    -Kai :cry:
     
  2. Hawk

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    Aww... I'm sorry it didn't go as you hoped. I hope he comes around. (*hug*)

    No need to apologize, vent away my friend.
     
  3. Aurelia

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    Hey, man. I'm sorry about that. I really am. That sucks.

    I know it's painful when someone you love and who should love you rejects you. I've been there. You're awesome, and you're really brave. Never forget that. And always have hope. Maybe he hadn't accepted you now, but the longer he lives with this reality, the better a chance there is that he will. It's never guaranteed, but it's always possible. Anything's possible.

    Either way, hang in there. Be strong, because you are strong! You've already shown that just by telling him. And never forget that!
     
  4. Origamidragons

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    I'm very sorry it didn't go too well. You're an incredibly strong and brave person to talk about who you are and you'll be okay, I promise.

    *hugs*
     
  5. Null

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    (*hug*) I'm so sorry your father reacted that way, but look at the bright side, your mother is great! She looks like she's really going to support you despite her beliefs; that's an awesome mom right there. Maybe you can get her to talk to your dad?

    You're not alone (&&&) even if your friend is far, they're still there for you, and your mom too. As for your dad, well, parents who react negatively to their child's coming out is because they're shocked and/or confused. Give him time, I'm sure he'll accept it someday. If he doesn't, though... well, his loss.

    Good luck with everything! (*hug*)
     
  6. Chip

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    I'm really sorry your dad reacted the way he did. One of the challenges that parents face is... understanding. You've had time to think this through and come to this understanding. Your dad has not. And he may never have heard anything about trans people before, so he may have no idea what any of it means except for, perhaps, some sensationalist stuff he's seen here or there.

    So he's likely scared, upset, fearful... not knowing what to think. And above all, he cares about you. And straight men are less equipped to deal with difficult feelings than straight women are, so the only go-to response most of them have is annoyance and anger. Once he has a chance to get past that... I think his attitude will change.

    None of that makes his response any more acceptable, nor does it give you what you need. I'm hoping that maybe it gives you at least some understanding of what he's thinking... and with it, I think there's also hope that he will eventually come around to understand and accept you.
     
  7. Pyrokel

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    Yeah, he's never known anyone who was trans, so I guess he's falling back to all the things he's heard his whole life from the crazy people at his church. He doesn't understand that those kinds of things coming from him hurt so much. And I'm lucky he didn't immediately want to disown me or anything. I guess I just got my hopes up too much after my mom was so great.

    Thanks so much for all the support. <3
     
  8. Dollop

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    hope your dad comes round, can be really hard when the two people in your life who are ment to look after you turn on you

    hopefully as time comes and your dad learns about trans life he will be more suportive
     
  9. littleraven

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    I can relate to this. I'm glad your mom was supportive.
    (*hug*) (*hug) (*hug*)
     
  10. Jalo

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    did god make him a bigoted prick?
     
  11. ChibiToyFreddy

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    I can relate to this as well. I grew up in a Catholic-Christian family, and when I told my mom I was genderfluid, she gave me a speech about how transgenders and genderqueers are crazy. On top of that, one of my "friends" (I say that in air quotes because this person only wanted me for my art.) started harassing me over my gender, made me cry several times, blamed my gender for issues that had NOTHING to do with it, tried getting me to call myself the pronouns HE wants to call me, and even went as far to say that I have mental issues and an identity problem. I broke ties with him because 1. I had good people supporting me and loving me for who I am. 2. If my gender is such a big deal, then I want nothing to do with him.

    Basically what I'm getting at, there's other people out there who love you and support you. I'm not too close to my parents, and I vent my problems regarding my gender to my friends because they truly love me and could care less about my pronouns. I really do hope you get the support you need. (*hug*)
     
  12. MetalRice

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    I'm so sorry that your dad reacted poorly *hugs*