I'm starting to feel more positive about things this week. I posted something on Facebook on Coming Out Day, not explicitly stating my identity (as I don't know it) but indicating that I was one of the many who grew up repressed by the social restrictions of the 1980s and having a hard time seeing clearly through the shame. Then Thursday my work (large international corporation) had an event for their intranet group of "Proud" people - queer, etc. plus allies. I knew a few people there, not too many. But what I was overwhelmed with was the enthusiastic greetings I got from everyone. I could not tell who was gay or straight, and my mind kept going to that place when I looked at women. But the end result of the experience was that I was around people to whom my preference was as irrelevant as my hair color. Then this morning I got a FB message from a girl I've known casually for years, admitting to me that she feels like a FtM but is more attracted to men and isn't sure what that "makes" her. I was so floored that she opened up to me, and I know it was only possible because I was open. I am starting to see such a cascade effect, and starting to understand how so much social change has happened in just the past 10 years. One person coming out means all the people they know now have a reference point, one person they can talk to. I had no idea how empowering that was going to be. I am starting to see that my outness has consequences for others who are scared and might really benefit from my own actions. That makes it harder to want to stay hidden. I feel not ashamed, not hated, not rejected at all. I haven't told my direct coworkers and I'm a bit afraid to do that, but we shall see. Just the fact that I'm accepted by the company as a whole that is encouraging us... that's phenomenal. I feel a bit odd here because I want to be out for almost political or ideological reasons. The idea of finding a mate isn't on my radar (for the first time ever) but more the idea that I am tired of shame and self-hate and want to be real with myself and with others at this point in my life. Of course it helps that I have mostly lost my sex drive. Oh my goodness, my forties were AWFUL in that regard! I do like the idea of companionship at some point, but if I do pair up with a woman again, I want to be 100% there and have her also be 100% there... not a bi-curious tryst. Love. But we'll see. I long ago gave up trying to predict my future. Anyway, just wanted to share... I've been quiet and feeling like an oddball for my peculiar approach but this is still the first place where I could openly talk about my feelings and I don't want to let it go just because I am starting to also do it in real life. (&&&)
Sounds like a great event! Regarding a relationship, your being very thoughtful. No rush there, you have quite the journey ahead of you regardless.
You are sounding like you are really getting your head in the right place for you. I am so happy for you
So glad! Thanks for sharing that. I was thinking about you Bc you had been quiet his week. I love your perspective on things. Made me feel good too....esp your comment about your out was being a reference point for others who may be struggling as well---you have become a safe place for some. Keep talking, I love listening to what you have find say.
This is fantastic! I'm so happy for you to feel so empowered and to have such a welcoming environment to come out to!
That's so great! Isn't that often the way...the more you come out, the more you find that you aren't alone and that there are others out there who thought that THEY were the only ones...so awesome for you! (!)
Feeling comfortable with yourself is so important. It does take time to figure this whole thing out. When I came out on Facebook one person I've known Came Out as gay and one as trans. It was such a touching thing.
Hi! I'm so grateful that you shared. I totally agree with the hope that one out person can provide to others. It's so empowering and it made me feel secretly hopeful for years. Now, it just empowers me to tell more people and be me more, and accept/love me. What a process... Also, I just got done telling someone that I really liked her and she didn't reciprocate. Anyway, that is showing me that I need to be by myself for a while and be more comfortable with me, and take care of me. Thanks for affirming that. And I agree too that I am not in a super rush to find someone now either. I thought the other day: I would rather wait a hundred years for a beautiful woman than have a guy right now. That might sound strange, but it was always instant approval/attention with guys for me and not what I really wanted/who I really am. Anyway, glad you are here. (*hug*)
I think when we all start posting we have a certain amount of shame and insecurity. As we discuss issues that affect us, our support from EC makes us more at ease with ourselves.
Yes! This past month seems to have been amazing for all of us! Wonderful how not feeling alone anymore helps us to think and learn and grow. (&&&) ---------- Post added 17th Oct 2015 at 07:05 PM ---------- Thank you for sharing that... part of what I'm pondering is about how I relate to men vs. women, why have I fallen into things I may not have really wanted and felt relieved when they stopped. Time to just be with myself and listen for the tiny voice one day that tells me my deepest desires.
Hi Snowshoe Geek, I love when you said, "Time to just be with myself and listen for the tiny voice one day that tells me my deepest desires." I think I will do that too. Haven't listened to her much for far too long... Thanks (*hug*)
