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Is yelling at/hitting someone the best way to teach them?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Driftr, Oct 12, 2015.

  1. BobObob

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    Studies show that physical punishment is good for only one thing: Immediate compliance. Because it's good at getting immediate compliance, people tend to use it out of laziness and/or incompetence.
     
  2. PerfectlyNormal

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    Causing pain is always bad.

    But my school says you should break a child's will, and basically beat them (I think make their back all black and blue and make spit fly from their mouth was their exact words).

    And if the this hurts me more than it hurts you is true, then why not switch it around?
     
  3. LesbianThrasher

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    I think spanking works as well as yelling. It's not abuse as people put it.
     
  4. Chip

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    In a way, this, like many other things, can be reduced back to shame vs. guilt.

    When you yell at a child (or an adult, for that matter), it has the effect of either making them feel humiliation, anger, or shame. Humiliation and anger don't help, because those arise from a sense that one is being unfairly punished. Shame makes the person feel they're fundamentally bad and unworthy. None of those will make someone do better. They might, in the very short term, influence behavior, but in the long run, it will make matters worse.

    When you calmly explain to someone what they've done wrong, why it's an inappropirate behavior or bad choice, and separate the behavior from the person, you actually instill a desire to improve to do better.
     
  5. Formality

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    Of course! Whenever I disagree with someone I like to just punch them straight in their stupid ugly face. That always seems to do the trick!
     
  6. Zen fix

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    Hitting and yelling is effective for teaching fear so if that is the goal then, yes, it works.

    Yelling by military instructors is not intended to teach but to raise the recruit's stress level. They can't place you in combat to see who can take the stress so they yell, wake you up, toss your bed and belongings about, etc. all for this purpose of simulating combat stress.
     
  7. Serperior

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    Yelling is okay under some circumstances but hit only to protect the child or others
     
  8. Awesome

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    I was that impulsive kid who always got in trouble. I was yelled at a lot by authority figures as a little kid. I had one teacher who regularly grabbed me by my wrists and dragged me down the hallway to the principal's office. I got used to shrinking away. Now, when an authority figure seems to be at all displeased with me, I automatically go into defensive mode. I have been taught very well to fear authority figures. I have been trained very well to carefully monitor everything I do and say to avoid getting into trouble. Technically, the yelling worked.
     
    #28 Awesome, Oct 12, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2015
  9. Kira

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    My father used to hit me with a metal buckle on the end of a belt when I was younger for even petty disobedience... Sure, I stopped getting in trouble, ever, but only because of fear. He used to justify it with one of those weird bible quote things.

    Now, I do what I want and don't speak to him anymore. I pretty much became everything he hates, so yeah. Literally the second I was out of his custody I went a bit crazy. I don't think it's a good sort of parenting at all, from personal experience. I ended up having to learn everything on my own.

    So simply put, it didn't make me respect him at all. It made me fear him. Fear is what you want your enemy to feel, not your child.
     
  10. guitar

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    Yelling at someone devalues them. I think A LOT of us on this forum realize the ramifications of being told you're worthless for who/what you are.
     
  11. crazydog15

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    To me, the only time you should use that kind of (e.g., military recruit). But to hit a kid out of "love" or to "break" them, just because it's how you think you're supposed to act? No way. I've been there. It's cruel.
     
  12. YuriBunny

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    Well I tried to talk to my mom about it but she just said, "Yeah, your dad has problems," and left it at that.

    I don't imagine most people would take it seriously unless it became a regularly occuring thing.
     
  13. Images and Words

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    I would say absolutely not.
     
  14. ScatteredEarth

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    There is no best way to teach someone. That is my opinion. Has hitting worked? Well our whole last generation isn't fucked up, so maybe to an extent. Yelling? Nobody can say for sure. You can't prove human behavior.
     
  15. Aviator182

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    It really depends are we talking about your personal child or teaching in general. In my teen years there were definitely times when I was yelled at for messing up. That's okay I pushed some limits and needed to be told don't push any further :slight_smile: As far as hitting your child, no that's not something I agree with.

    If we're talking about trying to teach a skill or in a professional setting, yelling or hitting is not okay and does not accomplish anything. the best way to teach is lead by example and find out how the person learns best then adapt your teaching style to each person.
     
  16. radicalmuffins

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    I've been hit a few times by my dad. But this was because I was being unreasonable and somehow it works. He doesn't really yell but I was definitely spanked a lot. Not really a strong spanking that's enough to knock me out or make me fall to the ground. He'd let me open my hands with my palms facing upwards and then he'd slap them. I've also been hit with a belt but as far as I could remember, it only happened once. I did something way out of line and I was at fault for it. My siblings also went through the same thing whenever we did something wrong. A few hours later though when he has calmed down, he would always come to us to apologise and talk about the consequences of our behaviours. I understood that this was his way of discipline and if we don't want to get on his wrong side, we had to behave accordingly. Yes, it taught me to fear my dad but he also made us understand that it was necessary. I knew he loved us and didn't want us to develop bad habits. He stopped being this way when we reached our teens because he thought that we already had a "mind of our own" and it was time that we already knew what was good or bad. We still did stupid things and he talks to us but he doesn't punish us as much as he used to. Just words.

    It really depends on how a person reacts and although in my experience it kind of worked, it doesn't necessarily hold true for everybody. I think the way my dad handled it was okay since he would talk to us. If we didn't want to listen, he'd open the door anyway and force us to listen to him. I didn't like it at first but when you start understanding that you were at fault and that you need to own up to your mistakes, you start learning. Although I wish there was less pain and more talking that happened before, it was how my dad was brought up and he turned out to be an incredibly good man and father.
     
  17. SemiCharmedLife

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    Hitting: never
    Yelling: if it's done tactfully and infrequently, it can be effective