So for the most part I've always been ok with having a girls body, although I generally relate to men better and enjoy more typically masculine things. I was always called a tomboy growing up, and I've always had way more guy friends than girls, but I never thought of myself as a boy (or a girl; it just wasn't something I thought about at all). But since I came to terms with being bisexual, it's something I've been noticing more than I used to. I've never liked being treated like a girl, and I don't like being approached by men or asked out. I like feeling like the masculine one in a relationship. I also seem to always end up liking straight women and gay men. I recently asked out a friend of mine that I've liked for a long time. I suspected he might be gay from conversations we've had, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask him out. He said no, and of course that hurt... I've had quite a few people who know us, say it's not my fault because they think he's in the closet, which I don't know if I believe or not. I guess that thought should make me feel better, like it isn't my fault or something... But whenever anyone says that to try and comfort me, it makes me feel terrible. At first I didn't know why, but I think I'm feeling emasculated? Like I'm not enough of a "man" for him. When we used to hang out people always thought we were dating, and would say things to me about how I seemed like I was the man in the relationship, which always made me feel strangely proud. And when I think about him seeing me as a girl, it hurts really bad for some reason. He never treated me that way before, and even thought it was cute that I liked to wear men's clothing sometimes. In fact, I told one of my friends once that one of the things I liked best about him was that he didn't treat me "like a girl". I'm feeling really confused right now. I've never thought of myself as a man, but lately I've been feeling differently, and I even feel jealous of men I see. I'm still ok with my body, but mentally I just feel more like a man, at least when it comes to dating? And I wish people could see past my body and realize what I'm really like.
I seriously doubt a cis girl would feel "emasculated". Would a girl ever think she's not "man enough" for someone? Think about that for a moment. You don't need to be uncomfortable with your body (have body dysphoria) to be trans. It's pretty common to not think about your gender since a young age. What matters is now. In my opinion you sound like you might be a trans guy. I'd say do more research about gender identity.
But, I don't feel any more a man than a woman. I feel sort of... 50/50? Physically I feel like a woman, I like my body and my curves, and I like wearing dresses and jewelry and makeup (though sometimes, I have the desire to dress like a man, albeit a feminine one). But when it comes to my mind, and thought processes, and especially dating, I feel like a man. I feel like I need to be with someone more "feminine" than me, and I like being the one to ask people out, make date arrangements, pay for dinners, make all the first moves, etc... I don't feel trans but I don't feel completely like a woman either, so I don't know what to think. And I never plan on making myself to look like a guy, but I still wish I could be a woman on the outside and have people treat me and view me as a man. This year, for Halloween, I had a strong desire to dress as a man, from a movie or something, I don't know why. But I settled for a somewhat masculine woman's costume instead.
You're probably just GNC or a cross dresser. A lot of people don't really "feel" like a gender, I don't feel like a guy I just don't understand the concept or feeling like a gender. You can dress up like a guy, wear makeup/jewelry/dresses, like feminine people and still be a girl. Just, don't let your gender determine how you live your life.
I'd say you're just yourself, and part of being yourself is you like to lead and take the initiative. The reason you probably don't think about your gender is because, well, you don't seem, from what little you have shared, the type of person who limits themselves to expectations or, in this case, gender roles. There is nothing wrong with that, and many women do this as well. It's a trait, a part of a personality, not exclusive to one sex or the other despite what society may want. For the record, I wish more women would take the lead. It's nice seeing a woman knowing what she wants and going for it.
Basically, it sounds like are more male in a social sense, but you are comfortable with your actual gender physically. You don't sound trans from what you wrote here, because you aren't mentioning anything with wanting to change your body to become male. You certainly seem to talk about your gender a lot differently than most girls/women would. However, that in itself does not make one transgender. One could socialize in a way more consistent with the opposite sex without being transgender. I wouldn't exactly call it cisgender though, because most women are comfortable with the idea of being a girl socially.
Mentally, you actually sound a lot like me. I started understanding I am trans through my relationships, because I always felt like a guy in my relationships and I took pride in being seen that way. I almost exclusively ended up (unintentionally) dating bi guys because I was attracted to their more effeminate qualities and they appreciated my "male mind" and ways of socializing. There was a lot that bothered me about being seen as a girl, but I ignored it because I didn't think I had any other choice. I thought I was ok being female for a long time, but I found that I had actually buried a lot of my feelings about my body, and once I started allowing myself to process those feelings, everything came out. Now, I am very aware of my body dysphoria as well as my social dysphoria, and I absolutely want to transition physically. Maybe you are trans? Maybe not. You're the only person who can decide that. Before I understood my dysphoria, I wouldn't have thought I was trans, but after understanding it the feelings just keep getting stronger. Most days I don't feel like my gender matters, but cis men and women aren't always thinking "I'm a man/I'm a woman" every waking moment either. When it comes down to it though, I don't feel happy or comfortable being seen and living as a woman, and I feel much more genuine and complete being a man. I'm mourning parts of my body that I never got to have, and I seriously downplayed how important that was to me growing up. I used to wear dresses for a little in college, because dresses looked fashionable on my body shape and I care about looking good (and I was trying to attract boyfriends), but I don't wear them any more because I'm trying hard to be seen as male. Fashion helps others see your gender, but your taste in fashion does not determine your gender. Keep an open mind. Explore how you feel. I'm sure the answers will come to you eventually. Every person is different, and even if you find someone who's story matches yours 99.9% of the way, that 0.01% difference can be a big change.
Sounds like a toned down version of what I'm feeling, and I still (slightly) identify as a girl (my social dysphoria is depressingly bad but presents itself kinda like yours, and I have some pretty irritating body dysphoria recently about the width of my hips, but I think I'm still technically a girl in my own mind and in my own way, just not outwardly/socially). Sounds like you just want to be viewed as a masculine person, though. That's okay. You can change how people view you by the things you do or say, if you don't want to be 'treated like a girl'. Of course, when people first meet you, they will probably initially think of you as a girl, but once they get to know you, they'll understand that you're not a girl in the sense that they're used to.
