I just got out of a pretty bad relationship with a guy who hurt me pretty bad. Before we started dating he told me that he was afraid that I'd either up and leave him or I'd cheat on him or whatever but he basically did that very thing to me. It sucks because I thought he had all the traits I wanted in a guy but turns out that he lied to me and just kept me on a string just in case things didn't work out with this other guy he's in a relationship with. My question is, there is another guy at my work that I'm interested in and I know he's interested in me because we make eyes at each other all the time but idk how to approach him. We work in a call center and his desk is a couple rows away from me and I wanna ask him out but I dont want hr to get involved. The other bigger thing I'm worried about is I'm worried about not being as emotionally available for this other guy and I don't want to lead him on but I also don't want to miss a great opportunity with what seems like a great guy. I just don't want my hurt from my last relationship to affect things with this guy if it turns into a relationship. How should I approach this situation? I'm sure I will get over the hurt I feel fairly soon, I have amazing friends and family that have my back but I don't want to hurt this guy. I'm not looking at him as a rebound I am sincerely interested in him and have been for a couple months now. How should I approach this in an HR friendly way and without allowing this other guy to be just a rebound for me?
When you have been hurt in a relationship it is hard to learn to love and trust again, but learning to love and trust is absolutely essential to the process of recovering, healing and moving on. It can take time, but the sooner you commit yourself to it, the better. For as long as you are wallowing in the hurt and pain of the previous relationship, your ex (the person who hurt you) retains a level of control over your feelings and actions and the cycle of hurt continues. Don't be afraid to approach this other guy if you and he are genuinely interested in each other, but do be honest with him so he understands any reticence on your part. As you get to know him your trust may return and the concerns you have now will probably subside. It's not a case of being on the rebound, it's more to do with progressing from the wreckage of the past and living your life again. That's what it's all about.
Thanks for the replies! Yesterday was a hard day for me because yesterday was when I found out that my he basically cheated on me and was seeing another guy. I don't even know if you can call what him and I had a relationship because I hardly ever saw him amd he would always stop talking to me out of nowhere. Before I thought he did that because he was legitimately afraid of getting hurt again because he told me his ex hurt him pretty bad but it all makes sense to me now. He just had me around just in case it didn't work out with him and his new boyfriend. It sucks because I thought we both had a really deep connection and I thought he felt that connection just as deep as I did but apparently not. Sucks for him because he blew it with a really good guy. Sorry I just had to get that off my chest. I had a pretty good talk about it with my dad last night and he put things into perspective for me and although it still hurts, I am feeling happier today than I was yesterday. I remind myself that my ex or whatever you wanna call him is probably miserable and depressed and he just likes bring other ppl down and unfortunately I was that person for him and I let him do it to me for way too long. I do think your right Patrick and I have a good feeling about this other guy. How should I approach him? He works two rows away from me but our breaks and lunches are at different times so its not easy for us to talk to each other
You might need to be bold and approach him in some way. I know call centers are quite busy, but could you put a note on his desk when he is definitely there and leave some out of work contact details. Alternatively, could you hang around at work until his shift ends and speak to him then. Introduce yourself and try to spark up a conversation then.
