1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Am I gay if I fantasize about gay sex?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by UTHS, Sep 26, 2015.

?

Am I gay?

  1. Gay

    16 vote(s)
    34.8%

  2. Straight

    2 vote(s)
    4.3%

  3. Bi

    28 vote(s)
    60.9%
Thread Tools

Thread Tools

Page 2 of 2
  1. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,758
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    The problem with the above is, if he's in the stages of loss, then he won't accurately be able to answer the above because of the denial and bargaining stages. Conscious is going to object and insist that he's straight, doesn't want any of the above things even if unconscious is clear that he's hardwired gay. That's why the sexual fantasy test (masturbating to men vs women) is the most reliable way to tell... because it's tapping into the core self, not the self that conscious *wants* us to be.
     
    #21 Chip, Sep 28, 2015
  2. Cubster1980

    Cubster1980
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2015
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kansas City, MO.
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Sometimes I feel like my sexual attraction to women has gotten stronger and my sexual feelings for men are not as strong as they used to be. Trying to figure out if I am going straight or gay drives me crazy. I have had just as good of orgasms looking at women than I do men. I still however do consider myself predominantly homosexual. Could I be becoming predominantly heterosexual or maybe equally heterosexual and homosexual?
     
    #22 Cubster1980, Sep 28, 2015
  3. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,758
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's important to understand that the orientation itself doesn't change but your awareness of it does. So if, for example, you're finding yourself connecting with both men and women, then there's a bisexual side to you that you may simply have been less aware of.

    Your conscious and unconscious mind play a significant role here, and as you get more comfortable with yourself, usually things get clearer. Might be sensible to just take a breath and simply allow whatever is going on to unfold.
     
    #23 Chip, Sep 28, 2015
  4. Willa

    Willa
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2015
    Messages:
    193
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Virginia
    No one can tell you what your sexual orientation is, sweetie. That's something you have to figure out for yourself. But I think it's a good idea to start exploring these feelings and engaging in some introspection. Maybe you're bi. Maybe you're pansexual.
     
    #24 Willa, Sep 28, 2015
  5. brainwashed

    brainwashed
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2014
    Messages:
    2,141
    Likes Received:
    494
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    All the comments above are great and filled with good info - to numerous to quote. What worked for me was to go back into my life and exam it via journaling and capture what my sexual conscious / unconscious was doing.

    Human sexuality is very complex. I looked at the trend in me over time. I did not draw a conclusion I am gay by watching porn movies (which I am not into) and making spontaneous conclusion(s).

    I've observed this subject flip both ways. Guys who deny they are gay, don't know they are gay, get married and find out deep down, way inside they are gay - they are unhappy. I've read accounts about guys who go through "explore and discover" with another guy, find out it's not their thing and get married to a girl and live happily ever after.

    Good luck

    ---------- Post added 28th Sep 2015 at 04:32 PM ----------

    And with reference to the poll, Am I gay? A "tbd" button is needed. It's not that simple.
     
    #25 brainwashed, Sep 28, 2015
  6. brainwashed

    brainwashed
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2014
    Messages:
    2,141
    Likes Received:
    494
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Interesting. I'll have to read up on this. At the moment don't know how to Google this one. Lol

    Later
     
    #26 brainwashed, Sep 29, 2015
  7. UTHS

    UTHS
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2015
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Firstly, I'd like to thank everybody for responding, your advice has been invaluable. Obviously this isn't going to be a problem that can be solved instantly, and it will take time for me to discover who I am, sexually. Your advice and opinions have been very helpful, and I thank you for sharing them.
     
    #27 UTHS, Sep 29, 2015
  8. Cubster1980

    Cubster1980
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2015
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kansas City, MO.
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I get these psychic connections with women that I can't explain and this usually doesn't happen with men. I also can get sexually aroused by women as well. At age 17 I originally came out as bi but at the time felt I was much more sexually attracted to men. As some gay men told me that I was probably gay and not bisexual and told me a lot of gay men use the term bisexual before coming out as totally gay. Back then I used to think of myself as bi but likely more sexually attracted to men than women. It feels like it still is something like that. I usually score between a Kinsey 3 and 4.
     
    #28 Cubster1980, Sep 29, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 2 of 2