Forgiving others

Well, that's an interesting question. In a religious sense, I guess thats what is supposed to happen, but I do not practice so I would not do so religiously.

From an emotional standpoint, I wonder if that is a key to unlocking and eliminating the remnants of internalised homophobia that may remain after coming out to one's self? Where as I have expressed in prior posts I have been attempting to work through.

If I follow through on this line of thinking: if I reached the point where I have self confidence to come out to myself, and then further confidence (or is it resignation?) to come out to others, does that mean I should no longer care how I am perceived by others? And if that is the case, which is where I believe I am heading, should I allow my self to emotionally forgive as well?

Was it confidence or resignation that allowed myself to be set free? And did I set myself free from the perception of others or did I simply set myself free from myself? If confidence, maybe I should just not care, if resignation, maybe that's why internalised homophobia exists? In terms of whom I set myself free from when I came out, didn't I I set myself free from everyone including myself? Of course I did.

To me, it's a combination of both confidence (that I will be OK) and resignation (that I can no longer be someone whom I am not). At this point, I am OK after having come out, and I am now able to lead my life the way I was meant to lead it; and I am doing so because I could no longer lead a life that was not real. So, if this is the case, where does that leave forgiveness?

Well, not only do I think it's OK to emotionally forgive, that is exactly what I think I need to do. And that's exactly what I am going to start to do.

Thanks for asking the question!

---------- Post added 23rd Sep 2015 at 07:13 AM ----------

And just to add, when it comes to forgiveness, I am going to forgive both myself and everyone else as well. It's time.

 

I think part of Coming Out is realizing people in general don't understand Homosexuality until it effects them in some way.

We as the Gay person that comes to terms with themselves and realizes it's ok to be Gay.

The other side are the people around us. Most have never had a real relationship with someone who is Gay, never mind someone they care about and love.

People have this in trenched notion the Homosexuality is a bad or evil thing. Once the see that because someone is Gay they are no less a person that they were before it was known that they are Gay.

The day I did my Facebook Outing, I got a call from a person that is like a brother to me who had said some very homophobic things in the past. He told me he loved me and nothing will ever change between us. I told him it ment so much to hear that. He said it was time for him to "Grow Up " also.

Do I need to forgive him, I don't think so. He gets it.

 

They don't deserve to be forgiven. And being misguided is not an excuse. Would you forgive a "misguided" person who brutally killed your family? I wouldn't. I hate everybody who has ever wronged me intentionally. Forgiveness would be equalto admitting that they were right and I deserved everything they did to me. I don't obsess over it, but when I sometimes think about those people, I still feel the hatred and Iwish them everything bad. That's what they deserve, not forgiveness.

 

If you can't forgive yourself how can you forgive others so it also how you can begin to heal yourself. Why keep negativity in your heart and mind its just a bunch of poison.. To people who use the worst I would have to say I don't know what I would do in that situation but I would never want to be in that situation.. Right now they might said something or made you feel bad but I'm guessing their was no killing involved but I could be wrong and you should proceed accordingly.. Other wise why linger on it you don't have to like then nor talk to them

 

Forgiveness is not about admitting that someone whom wronged you was right and one deserved it. Forgiveness is about finding within your heart an ability to let go of the wrong and recognise that human nature has flaws.

 

Here's something I copied from this forum a year or so ago, by our own OGS:

"I'm very forgiving. I think holding onto things really only hurts yourself--I prefer not to give other people that type of power over my own happiness."

This was very meaningful to me at the time, though I can't say I've always lived up to it.

 

You already have forgiven him.

 

Yossarin you are a sage. God bless you.

 

Having flaws does not justify torturing others intentionally. Forgiveness is "turning the other cheek", accepting injustice. It's a sick idea.

 

Well, everyone has their own view, and their own time on forgiveness.

 

I find it very hard to forgive others but I also find it very hard to forgive myself and that hurts a lot. They say the best revenge is happiness and you can't be happy if you can't forgive. When you don't forgive the only person you end up hurting is yourself. Hurt people hurt others and if you want to break the cycle you have to forgive.

 

I disagree.

Saying that, even though someone has hurt you, someone has made your life Hell, someone has made you feel like crap every day, and you still forgive them, isn't sick. It's rising above what they did. It's letting go of the past, and living in the present, for the future. It's not saying they're right, it's saying you don't care what they think about you, and they're perfectly entitled to keep thinking that about you, but you're refusing to allow that and them to change or hurt you anymore. Dwelling on what they did can only lead to anger and pain. Letting it go and forgiving them denies them what they want: the ability to control your feelings.

So yes, turn the other cheek, because the other guy'll be too confused to hit you again.

 

Forgiveness is definitely NOT about justifying the terrible actions of others, or accepting their injustice. Forgiveness is regaining control over your life by moving past all those things. It's saying to someone, you have done terrible and unjust things. Things that have hurt me; things that were cruel and torturous. Things that I will never forget. But I will not let my life be controlled by hating you or dwelling on those injuries.

Forgiveness is saying that despite what you have done, I will still allow you a place in my memory or even my heart, but you no longer have the power to damage me--by the things YOU did, or by my reaction to them, or my remembrance of them. The people who hurt us may do it over a long time, or they may do it all in one fell swoop. But the injury itself is usually far less horrific than the emotion we waste remembering, reliving, reacting and hating. Forgiveness wipes all that negativity out of our minds. It doesn't wipe away the memory, and it shouldn't. But the memory is in the past. Forgiveness wipes away that negativity that poisons our present and our future.