Hey, well as you can tell from the title, I'm not feeling so good at the moment. I just moved into my Halls of Residence for Uni a couple of days ago and before I moved in, I was so excited thinking that I'll finally get to be independent and I'll make good friends with the people I'm living with. However, what I didn't expect was for me to feel so lonely and isolated and today I just broke. I was in my room sitting on the floor crying my eyes out feeling like no one likes me and that I'm never going to make any long lasting friends during my time in uni. Don't get me wrong, they all seem like nice people but it has shocked me how they've all suddenly bonded and I'm just stuck on the outside. I've been trying to deal with social anxiety for the past couple of years (and being more of an introvert then an extrovert doesn't help either) so whenever someone tries to start a conversation with me or I try to start a conversation, my hands get all clammy, I feel sick inside and I literally don't know what to say in response. It's because of this that I get the impression that no-one tries with me anymore but it's really hard for me to try with them! My course doesn't start for a few days and I can't join societies yet but I'm really hoping that things will be different and that it'll be easier for me to talk to people. Otherwise, I'm probably going to break down! Again! Anyway, apologies for the long post. I guess I could just really do with some support.
Hello, I've struggled with social anxiety too, it's not easy, but with practice you'll feel more confident. Come up with questions to ask other people that will strike up a conversation like: what are you taking in school? what kind of music are you into? Try to find out what you and other people have in common and it will be easier to talk to people. Give people the chance to like you and remember, most people are the same just packaged differently.
Ok, this is how it is - The people in your uni halls may not be the friends you're looking for, they're just the ones you've been lumbered with in your first year. I remember when I was in my first year, I hated all my housemates! I didn't bond with them at all and wondered if I would end up lonely for my whole time at uni. Turns out, it actually took a while for me to meet the people who would eventually become my friends. I found that my course mates were much better, but I was always meeting new people in different scenarios, e.g. society activities. The first people you meet aren't necessarily the best friends for you. <3 You've only been there two days - give yourself a chance!
When I started at college, I'd often find myself on the outside of the social circles that naturally form in these circumstances, and it was difficult to begin with. I had no money, so when the other students were buying snacks and burgers from the canteen, I'd just sit in the library or stay in the classroom at my desk. I felt pretty lonely, but realised I was far ahead of the others because I got my work done and had lots of spare time on my hands. Then I joined the football training free lessons that they ran and made a couple of friends there. Then I had a drink with a couple of other students and one of our lecturers and suddenly I was part of a happy group. Give it a bit of time and realise that sometimes you are the one who may need to make the effort. Look for any clubs to join that may be an interest to you. Soon you'll make friends and you won't feel so alone.
It's really tough going to university. When I went right after high school, I was too shy to make friends and ended up having a breakdown. I stopped attending classes and spent the rest of the term essentially alone in my room, drinking and watching YouTube videos. The fact that you've reached out already, and so early, is a great first step. I'm on my second attempt at university, aged 30, and feel like I'm better equipped to handle it. I highly recommend you take advantage of any counselling available at the school and maybe see the on-campus doctor. You might benefit from joining a Pride club on campus if you are comfortable. I know it's really REALLY hard to get yourself out there (trust me, I also have social anxiety), but you will feel SO much better once you do. And if you're struggling, please continue to reach out for help, we're all here, rooting for you On a cheerier note, what are you studying?
Thank you Ladyhawk It makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one who goes through this kind of thing and yeah, I'm going to study Biology which I'm obviously looking forward to. I'll be starting my course tomorrow and I'll then be able to join some societies. I was actually considering joining my uni's LGBT+ society long before I even arrived at uni and there's a Bio-sciences Society which will fit in nicely with my course! If things don't improve, I'll start thinking about seeing a counselor but hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.
It gets easier....make yourself a lil more accessible. Sitting in your room wont make u any friends...get a good book and go sit outside under a tree.....be inviting....things will get better
Oh awesome, you seem to really have your head straight, you're going in with the right attitude and studying what you love. I'm sure you're going to have an awesome time of it and enjoy every minute
I just had my first day today so maybe you might like an update. I'm feeling a LOT better now and even though it's still a bit tricky, I'm finding it easier to actually just chat with my housemates. I also had some nice conversations with people on my course so that increased my confidence so much. I think now that I've started my course, I have something to focus on and to look forward too which helps to take my mind off of any negative stuff.
It's a massive step your first few days away at uni away from home but you're doing well, get yourself along to some of the social meets or try a sport good on you for gaining independence a step I was frightened to take
