Why does my family need to know I'm bi if I'm married?

To reply to your three points:

1. I Agree it would make it more real, but maybe thats exactly what your looking to do?
2. As a parent, I doubt I would ever wonder why my child told me something like that; I would be happy they did. Even if your parents did not express a reaction one way or another, I am sure they would not dismiss it.
3. If you do send a letter or email, the one you wrote shows a lot of thought and consideration, so I would suspect they would know your being genuine.

All that said, is talking to them on the phone an option?

 

Yes, but I battle about coming out, or why I should considering I really at this point do not want to leave my husband, so it seems pointless to come.out as.gay/bi if im living as a hetero...

 

Seems like you do know how to feel and what you want.

"One of the things that really makes me feel sad is that my orientation is invisible, it's erased. I don't like that. If i can't at least act on being bi, I'd like to at least acknowledge it verbally."

But you need to be ready.

 

I, too, want to come out eventually, for reasons of personal politics. I want to be a verbal member of LGBT from within and spread tolerance even more than I can as an ally.

Right now I'm on a maybe 3-5 year timeline for coming out. I have to wait until my feelings fade for my current female crush, or my husband will react negatively and I'll be endangering my home life. I can't see my feelings dissipating in a shorter timeframe on their own.

This seems unbearably long! I want to talk about it with my friends and family now. I want to share my personal take on what is essentially a fascinating and awesome orientation with people I meet in person.

Like you, I also want people to know the real me. This is now a huge part of that.

But I'll have to wait until my interest in women is merely non--threateningly general and not tied so closely to my good friend.

---------- Post added 15th Sep 2015 at 12:00 PM ----------

Exactly.

 

Well, you know, one step at a time! Do what feels comfortable now. There will always be politics you can join in on if and when you are ever interested.

 

I decided to come out to my mom yesterday. I really felt like I need some familial support. And guess what? She told me I'm probably not gay, it's a phase, it's normal to not want sex with your husband, and think about what this will do to the kids...

I really was NOT expecting this response.

My only advice is if you are going to do this, make sure you stand strong in your beliefs and be prepared for anything.

Good luck to you. (*hug*)

 

Pointless? I dont know thr answer to that, I battle with it a lot cause although I feel I am not being who I am, im not sure WHO that is. Also, I feel, I guess its pretty childish maybe, but feel coming out in whatever y I end up identifying as while maintaining a hetero life style seems like a Dick move for m.

This is why i'm going to therapy lol. I think if it helps you feel more authentic then its something to consider. I feel like i'm lying to everyone every day, I feel like even if/when I do come out, walking around with my super straight looking family is lying also, if that makes sense?

 

I can see my mom reacting in a similar way. I told my sister, and she offered that perspective more as a question, not a statement, and allowed me to discuss. I think for some parents, they need to feel like they know their kids better than we know ourselves... It's a pride thing, a belonging, a need to be a "good" parent. That reaction is a reflection of her, not you, but I know how hard it is to battle a mother's opinion! I hate it, but if i know my mom supports me, that is when I feel the most able to move forward.

Hopefully your mom will come around. Sometimes it takes time to process.

 

You have put a lot of thought into this. It's obvious how important being honest about yourself is to you.

You asked:
"Anyone else in the same situation, and thinking about how to come out to your family?"

Yeah. I am married to a good man. We have children. I am gay. And I am starting to tell family and close friends.

I carefully chose who I would tell. But I could never "find" the RIGHT time. Nothing ever felt comfortable. I realized after waiting for "that right moment" to tell, that there just might not be such a thing.

I contacted each of the people individually, told them face to face, and allowed time for them to adjust.

In my life I am surrounded by people who are very accepting of people different from themselves, but also, the majority of those I am surrounded by, disagree with any type of gay lifestyle.

My husband has been my number one person to talk to about being gay, and he always listens. Some of the family I told, stopped talking to me for a while. The friends I have told say they love me no matter what and they support me in my choice to stay married even though I am gay.

I don't know who else I will tell, or when, but I find I am having less anxiety by facing who I am. I feel a little more confidence in myself. I have been able to (finally) pin point the reasons I turn to food to cope (no matter how you plan to act after people know, hiding this part of you will have an obvious affect on you, as I have learn it has on me).

Good luck. It's not easy or comfortable. I hope though, that during this process, you are able to see your value.... And that, what ever you end up choosing to do, you will love that choice.
Peace

 

I'm in a similar situation, and at least right now, I'm not sharing with my family. Here's why:
1. It's not going to change anything I'm currently doing (outspoken supporter, married, etc)
2. I think it will open more questions and concern than I feel like I want to deal with right now. I work with my parents, so there is very little separation in our lives.
3. I have a plan for if/when to come out. Right now, we are extremely open with our young kids (7&3) that they can love any people they want (boys, girls, both, etc). If I suspect or find out one of my kids is queer, or my husband and I are no longer together, I plan to address the issue at that time.

A not insignificant part of me feels like I should come out for the political effect, but I can't at this point justify the possible ramifications when my outward personal life isn't changing. And I reserve the right to change my position in 5 minutes, if I feel like I want/need to. And yes, I realize this is me using heterosexual privilege to my advantage, and yes, I feel a significant amount of guilt about being able to pass as straight when so many can't.