Fathers

There's no chance it could be good. He's only happy when he's drinking and I'm only contented when he's not drunk. He has no problem with LGBT+ people, and isn't excessively cruel to me, but he's an alcoholic and perhaps a narcissist.

 

My dad never had a degree or fancy education. In fact he left school early and got a job at a young age. He has worked hard his whole life to support me and my siblings. He accepted me totally when I came out as gay, and he has supported me with every career decision I've made, even if it's turned out to be a failure. He is now retired, and still does support us if we come upon difficult financial times. My dad has never pressured me into anything, he gives me space to find my own way and offers support and guidance where he can.

 

It's...complicated. I want to hate him for how he utterly destroyed my mother, cheated on her for two years with her knowledge, emotionally, physically, and verbally abused her, and left her with little to nothing when they divorced, but I can't. There were good moments in the 17 years that he had been in my life. He wasn't a great father, but I believe he was at least trying, even if that ended up doing more harm than good. I can't forgive him for everything he did, I can't love him anymore, but I can't hate him either.

He's transphobic and refuses to even acknowledge me as a man, but despite all this he keeps seeking me and my siblings out, trying to continue to be part of our lives even when he has become irrelevant. In a sense, I suppose he realized he needed his children more than we needed him.

I keep in contact with him, but always with a comfortable distance between us and just don't talk about anything involving my identity and sexuality. It works for both of us and suppose that's enough.

 

As I grow up, I'm starting to feel more and more connected to my dad.

When I was 3, my mom divorced my dad and took us away without his knowledge. She said she was afraid of his reaction if she told him in person (saying he could have been rash and took a gun or some other bullshit). Thus, she established herself four hours away from my birth city and only communicated with my dad about 2-3 months after.

Then, they officially divorced. While both my parents fought for custody, my mom got it because he couldn't spend his money right. I could only see my dad a few times every year because of the distance, but I enjoyed seeing him.

My mom said that she could have prevented him from seeing us at all, but she let him come for us. Though, she was always talking behind his back, which annoyed me a lot as a kid (and still does, to be honest).

He has very strong political opinions, especially on independence, which I used to criticize for being too extreme but ended up agreeing with after much thought. He also has common interest with me that my mom finds extremely boring such as geography and history.

On top of that, not only did my dad never make me feel worthless (my mom did sometimes), he also supports me in everything I do. He tells me that I could make some great money with the stories I write and the drawings I do while my mom thinks that it could never be more than a small hobby. He's also proud of my grades (which my mom is also, but she tends to be super harsh with bad grades when I do get them).

As for coming out, my mom accepted it, but she would always attack me on it when she got stressed. ''Why didn't you wait until 18 to do this??'' ''You can't blame the teachers for calling you by your birth name!'' ''Stop putting so much stress on me!'' My dad, while confused at first, accepted it really quick. Though, I admit I didn't live with my dad.

Overall, while I know that both my parents have their flaws, I feel that my mom is too harsh on my dad. I connect with both my parents on very different things, but I never feel like there's something I cannot say to him.

 

I love him dearly. But I think I inherited too much of his melancholy.

 

My biological male parent has been in my life maybe five times? His side of the family keeps trying to connect with me but I don't really bother. The male parent will never be called a father or a dad in my opinion since he's never been there to be one.

 

Growing up I used to think he was the best person ever. But growing up I developed different ideas (political stuffs, social stuffs and he racism/homophobia etc) which made me kinda drift away from him.

That being said things could easily be a lot worse. I'm glad I got a lot of his traits and glad I can make my own opinions and beliefs

 

"Children begin by loving their parents. As they grow older they judge them, sometimes they forgive them."

Oscar Wilde​

 

Mine's a real fun to be with, but he's not the role-model type. I guess it feels nice knowing that he is around, even though he doesn't help/support me in any way.

 

My dad is dead but he was nice enough. I was 5 when he died so not much to say. The best thing about him was that he could answer all my sciencey questions like "how do lightbulbs work?" and we used to play games that my mum thought were so stupid, and the worst thing about him was that he used to smash glass bowls when he was angry. Bit of an eccentric dude.

 

My Dad was a kind, honest and decent man who worked hard and cared about his family.
He taught me to stick up for myself and act with courage and conviction.
Though uneducated, he had a lot of common sense and wisdom. He had a deep faith
in God and modeled forgiveness in relationships. He always thought the world of me which meant a lot. I miss him greatly.

I feel so sorry for those of you who never experienced a loving and supportive father.