...part of my fears about coming out, especially to my Baptist/Mennonite family, is the blaming... Let me explain. My son is gay. My son is trans. I'm gay. He came out first. I'm scared they'll blame me for him being gay/trans, blame the way I parented/raised him telling me I'm faking it for attention, or worse... Probably not many of you in this boat...:icon_sad: ---------- Post added 8th Sep 2015 at 01:57 AM ---------- "Hey family, I'm gay" "Is this about Sam?" ( not his name)
For starters, be prepared with expert opinions supporting theories on the role of genetics. As what you are experience is proof of that. Second, will there be some skepticism, yup there will be. But there would be skepticism even under different circumstances as well. So your dealing with skepticism one way or another. Then there is the approach of "Would anyone in their right mind put themselves into this type of situation intentionally?" response. In any event, given your going to face challenges with coming out, having additional complexity thrown in is par for the course. Good Luck!
You gay; your son trans — these are separate issues. There is no evidence, either genetic or environmental, to support a cause and effect argument. I'm one of two siblings: my sister is trans; I am gay (our parents, presumably, were straight).
My journey is mine, his journey is his own. We just support each other like family does. It's just other peoples closed- minded b.s., those who think it's a choice or abomination. I don't need that negativity.
We can't predict or control how other people will react. I think it's best to try removing that from your decision making process. It's not easy, I'm working on it. Trying not to imagine scenarios that I can't control. It just complicates things.
You're certainly not alone in that your family's religious beliefs may make your coming out process difficult. That's true even for many of the younger members on the forum. But, even from a standpoint of a religious family, I find it hard to tell how anyone is going to react anymore. My advice is that they can blame you all they want, if that is what they're going to do, but you don't have to accept and internalize any of that blame. I've read some posts on here where families initially freaked out but then calmed down in time. It may be good to give them some distance. The most important thing, it seems to me, is that you have good and supportive relationship with your son. That's a wonderful thing.
Dearest CameronMR: There is no such thing as a place on this site where no one can relate. We could sit, for days on end, discussing the dysfunction of our families, but why do that, we have better things to do with our time. When I came out to my mom I said "remember, I love you...I'm gay." After instantaneously turning into a blubbering mess she said "Do you know how long it has been since you said that?" As if it wasn't awkward enough, I had to make sure she actually heard the other half of my statement, since, no, I had never before told her I was gay. <sigh> You will have wonderful reactions, you will have some that seem negative at the outset, but (I hope) come from a place of shock and surprise, and I found I really had to be sensitive to that. There may be some blaming, some "are you sure?" people too. Reject the blaming, do it out of hand, don't let that go. I wish you nothing but calm, and center. I wish you a mindful and respectful coming out to your family, and others, whenever that time comes.
Unfortunate Reality #1 Which One Doesn't Want to Think About, But Must: there is a chance that they are already blaming you and your parenting... If not for the fact your son is LGBT, they may be blaming/criticizing any number of other things connected to your parenting or your son. This is obvious...but ultimately all we can do is live our lives the best we can, doing the best we can with the circumstances we're faced with. And as we are doing this, we have to deal with the people who are detractors/sources of negativity/sources of judgement and condemnation. And this part is not easy--at least I've struggled--but somehow we have to realize their negativity/condemnation/judgment is their problem, not ours. Unless we let it become our problem. (Which I have done all too many times...)
