The past few weeks, I've been "trying out" the lesbian label, as it seems like that's what fits my orientation the most. However, I've begun over-analyzing again. In the interests of confirming my sexuality, I've been reading a lot of other threads on here started by people with similar questions. The responses are usually along the lines of, "Who are you sexually attracted to?" or "Who would you rather have sex with?" Now I'm wondering, what on Earth does that even mean, "Who would you rather have sex with?" Is the question asking about the emotional side of it all, or simply the obvious, objective physical action of sex? Here's the thing: I've never been with anyone (male or female or anyone) but I've done enough research to know that I'm not grossed out by male genitalia. It doesn't turn me off; if anything, it turns me on a little-- but I can't see myself ever being able to emotionally connect with a guy, and I feel like that would govern my orientation more than "Who would you RATHER sleep with?" (I mean, after all, doesn't it make sense that hetero- PiV sex would seem more biologically ideal, because everything physically complements everything else?) With girls, I sort of picture like a "if A, then B," A being romantic/emotional connection and B being the physical/sexual attraction. With guys, it's more like "If B, then B," like, it is what it is. I'd also like to add that I tend to notice girls more, and the only crushes I've had in the past five years have been on girls (I'm in high school, so that's like a third of my life). These are mostly "I'd like to get to know you" crushes; I don't really find anyone that sexually attractive right off the bat. Or does that make me demisexual too? I don't even know, man.
Honestly I relate to this and I'm using the label "lesbian." I know I find women sexually attractive, but I would need feelings to want to initiate anything sexual. With men, I wouldn't even want to be in a relationship to begin with, but I also would not want to be sexually intimate. Maybe it is a little demi. Because many friends and people I see are more sexually driven, and don't need emotional ties to want to be sexually intimate with someone.
The way you describe this, you sound like the very definition of a homoromantic bisexual. The question is, is that close enough for you to round up to lesbian? That's a trickier question. In terms of being demisexual, can you feel sexually attracted to someone without a close emotional relationship? And can you imagine having sex with someone with whom you don't have a strong emotional connection?
Thanks, QBear, for putting things in perspective. Thinking about it some more, while I might technically be bi, it makes more sense to call myself a lesbian because "bi" implies (to most people) that I would be okay being in relationships with either guys or girls. It also implies, especially to non-LGBTQ+ people, that my attraction to guys and girls is equal, when it really isn't. As for the demisexual bit, I think I'm still going to leave that open to interpretation. On a scale of 1-100, 0 being asexual and 100 being whatever the opposite of asexual is (the majority of sexuals, I suppose), I'm probably somewhere in the middle.
