Bisexual - Prefer Dominant Men, but Equal F/F Relationships?

I don't think you need to interpret this as saying anything negative about you.

There's a lot that *could* be going on here. For one thing, I personally am repulsed by the idea of some guy "taking charge" of the decisions in my life. But:

(a) I have difficulty envisioning living with a guy who wouldn't try or think he should. This is my issue. I know not all guys are like this. But it affects me nonetheless. It means that when I think of a life partner I typically don't think of a guy. But if you feel similarly, it could be affecting what you consider *desirable* (rather than just likely, as in my case).

(b) Although I am repulsed by the notion of some guy taking control of major decisions in my life, I find the notion of a guy taking control in the bedroom...at least for a night here and there...to be kinda...hot.

I'm just careful not to confuse (a) and (b). [This is one reason why some people are poly. They may have a need for egalitarian feminine energy in their lives on a regular/ongoing basis, but at least some level of need for masculine energy in the bedroom. If needs go unmet for long stretches (I'm talking 20+ years, not 1-2 months), we become increasingly miserable...and that's not good for any relationship.]

I am not suggesting you consider a poly relationship (though there's nothing wrong with that either). Just saying there's nothing wrong or unusual with having/feeling needs that can't possibly be met by any single person.

 

Piggybacking on what BiAnnika said, starwind78, are you talking about being attracted to an older man who takes charge in real life, or an older man who takes charge in the bedroom?

What this means, and what you can productively do (or choose not to do) with this attraction depends to some degree on whether its more of a sexual kink or a lifestyle/relationship issue.

---------- Post added 4th Sep 2015 at 04:02 PM ----------

On a side note:
As a queer fella that tries his darnedist to be an egalitarian feminist ally, I'm sorry to hear that, biAnnika, but I also totally see where your coming from. A lot of guys do really macho and controlling things that piss me off, and sometimes I'll be interested in a guy, and then he acts like a total dude or says something misogynist, and it kills it for me. I think its part of why I tend to partner with women, too. Lol

 

Have you ever had any problems with your dad? I have the same thing, but it's probably more unhealthy. See, I can't even consider myself bisexual and I'd probably puke if I figured out I fallen in love with a guy. I have been feeling betrayed because my father showed sexist beliefs and I know a bi lady that just got able to accept her attraction to men after doing some theraphy, realising that not every men is the same. Is something like that happening to you or is it just a confusion for the way you think about an ideal relationship with both genders?

 

I'm going to take a different direction and mention this:

It is possible that, perhaps, you seek a relationship like this to sort of 'have another try', to overcome what you feel/believe/think you never did then. It may even go further than this and -- going off what I've seen you post and share here -- you could be wanting to regain a sense of control and respect, things you hold high... if, again, I go off what you have posted and shared... from the figures that controlled you.

I wanted to contribute something that wasn't just parroting what others have said, but may also provide a degree of insight.

 

From what I see you saying here, it seems like you are attracted to men and power situations with men that remind you of your father, as you say your dad had authoritarian sexist attitudes, despite being generally good to you. Or, perhaps, to men that represent your experience of sexism more generally.

In this, you are not alone. This is a classic relationship dynamic (albeit a bit more sexualized) made more confusing because you are queer. I know I was attracted to my ex wife because she was controlling and it reminded me of my overbearing and controlling mother. Even if a dynamic is disturbing, one can be attracted to it because it is familiar. And it was almost as if in breaking up with her, I was acting out my own liberation in ways that I couldn't do as a child or teen.

It did (and still does sometimes) make me question whether I can have a healthy relationship with a woman. However, my sexual attractions tend to favor women, so I've decide to try to heal from that stuff as best I can with awareness practice, meditation, and therapy.

So I guess I'd suggest finding a gay & bisexual affirming and sex positive therapist to help you sort through this. (I wish I'd gone to therapy before I'd gotten with my ex - it might have saved years of heartache. So be glad your looking at this now, before you're seriously involved with someone.)

Good luck!