I'm a gay man and I try to be as out as I can. I throw it in peoples' face sometimes. Lots of people don't want to know. I will tell you the hardest thing for me after all these years is the shame of being gay. I'm ashamed of it. I don't want sex with women. I want sex with men. A lot of it. With any man. I don't care. I need it like a drug addict. I'm ashamed of that.
Wanting sex with a lot of men is being natural, for you. Being ashamed of it is a choice. Change what you can, and accept what you can't change.
Lots (most in reality) of straight guys want lots of sex with women and are not ashamed of it, why be ashamed of something that's natural for gay men.
Shame is one of the hardest feelings to overcome and until you do just that it will hold you back. To overcome the shame it's a good idea to look at why it's there. What is causing the feelings of shame? You seemed to identify two shame related feelings; the first was the shame of just being gay and the second was the shame of wanting/needing lots of sex with men. Although the feelings are related, they are also somewhat distinct. More often than not it's societal, family or religious issues that feed all of the feelings of shame -- is that the case for you? You can't simply pretend the feelings are not real or present, but you can adapt and gradually change your mindset about those feelings and that's probably what you need to focus on now. Sometimes we can put in a bit of self work to do it, but there may be times we may need the support of others to get there. Don't be afraid to ask for, or seek help if you are struggling to see a way forward. So, where do you think the shame is coming from and how valid are all of those push/pull factors?
Hi vamonos, I wish I had advice for you. I'm a chick, but ever since 'coming out' I have felt more urges in that department than ever. If I could quit my job and just do it all day, every day, it would not be enough. It is really shameful to me and I'm not sure if it's due to coming out bringing a second adolescence, or being a woman and hitting midlife supposedly my sexual peak is now? I don't know what caused it but I am completely at its mercy. You are not alone.
I would lay aside the guilt. I want lots of sex too but I'm not crazy, bad, evil etc. Quite the opposite.
Society has embedded the guilt in us. The hardest part of Coming Out has been realizing that there is nothing wrong with being Gay. It is a natural urge for a human to want sex. The balance is to know when it's the right time.
