Nastiness in LGBT culture, societies

I'm obviously not going to argue that there aren't LGBT jerks out there. Every barrel's got some bad apples. I will say, however, that in my twenty plus years in the community it has been striking to me how little of this I have encountered. It always amazes me how I can go to a new place, find the community and be welcomed in, and, frankly, it's been that way since the first time I went to a gay bar. It's been amazing to me how people in the community look out for each other.

Part of this may be that my interactions have largely been face-to-face. The LGBT community online is a relatively recent thing for me and I have to say that in my experience it brings out the worst in people. If my exposure to the LGBT community had been largely online I believe my opinion of the community would be a great deal lower than it is. But if my experience of humanity was largely online I would have given way to despair long ago...

 

I notice this too. People throw around the term "bigot" a lot. It's gotten to the point where I would sometimes find myself defending people from the other side because the things people say from the LGBT community are ridiculous. It ultimately hurts our cause. :/

 

No offense, but assuming you're a white, cis, conventional gay man, it would make sense that you would be welcomed at most events, establishments, and organizations, since that's the group which is represented the most. I've plenty of friends who don't feel understood or welcomed around the larger LGBT community as a whole, and have opted out of attending events like Pride (or are unaware of it).

I think people are just more open about airing their dirty laundry on the internet. It's a lot easier to avoid someone you don't like if they're only on one site. You just turn the computer off. My other theory is that minority groups have more stress, hurt, and baggage in general.

 

The only disgusting thing I can think of is the over-sexualization in the lgbt culture as well as other ideas regarding relationships *cough*open relationships*cough*.

 

The experiences I referred to were real life ones. They were post internet but before sites such as Facebook and smartphones became big deals. At least half, if not two thirds, of these people were college educated, and some had good jobs, including professional ones. The time frame was also fairly compressed ... about 3 years or so, that is, until I did a fairly good job of removing myself from this sort of stimuli and am so happy that I did.

 

It happens in every community. You will always get people who you assume they would be understanding because they are just like you but instead get laughed at for wanting to find that support and friendship from people. I think anyone who has a lot going for them in their lives can fall into that trap of being self centered and not wanting to lift others up. From around where I live the gay community is not so inviting as small as it is. They have their groups and associations and mostly no one seems to be inviting or community orientated. It is like you hint that you want to to hang out or even if you do no one seems serious or real about making connections. That is just my area and it makes me think why would i want to live in a bigger city close to me where from experience no one in that city who is gay seems to give damn about me at all. It's pathetic and been the experience of many I talked too.

 

These kind of threads always make me wonder why people seem to have such different experiences of the community. Obviously everyone is actually encountering different people. It's not like we all went out and met the same twelve people and some of us liked them and some of us didn't.

Still it seems so divergent that it makes me wonder. People talk a lot about all the people out there in the community or the scene or whatever and it seems like a lot of people find this almost universally negative thing that I really have only encountered in a handful of situations and it just makes me wonder why that would be.

I mean I guess you could put it down to geography, and I suppose that must be part of it. Although, as I think about it I've encountered "the community" in a whole lot of places. We sort of make it a point to find it when we travel--because we've always found it to be so open and welcoming. And while the community is different everywhere that sense of open inclusion has really been the only thing that has seemed to characterize it everywhere we've been--and I've really kind of encountered it across the board from Salt Lake to New York, from book clubs to circuit parties. Again I would say the one place that I have not really found it to be that way is online, but I think straight people are meaner online too.

Gravechild has a point. I am white, male, cis, masculine and as such have a wealth of privilege. I suppose that is part of it. My life in the grand scheme of things is not that difficult in a sociological sense. Still, in my experience that sense of inclusion and welcome has been pretty broad, broader than I would ever expect in a straight setting, by a longshot.

I guess I don't really have a point, just that these conversations always make me wonder...

 

I've only ever seen extreme behaviour on the internet...then again, there's a lot of extreme behaviour online. :eek:

My sibling has a friend like this -- It is fairly disappointing that someone who is part of the community would act this way in order to "get even" and "treat the straight cis" people (even when they are supportive of the LGBT community) awfully -- I really don't think that is promoting tolerance and acceptance, its just promoting more hate all around. Why can't people treat others how they wish to be treated, and treat them on an individual basis? (&&&)

 

I see this throughout human societies in general. I see no reason to exclusively critique the Queer community for it.

 

That's sadly very, very true. So much hatred for anyone who is "different" in this world -- I really wish that people were just tolerant (they don't have to accept but of course, if tolerance and acceptance happened I'd be a very happy bunny)towards others, especially if what people do/like/love does not harm others, why become so filled with obsessive hatred towards a particular group of people? One of my parents is like this; racist and homophobic, there are no arguments that I can say that will change their outlook, and when the hatred is spewed out it really does hurt. I don't think people see nor care the amount of damage they can do to someone when they are like this.