Coming Out Letter to Parents: Draft

Thank you for the positive comments everyone!

I included a copy of the following article:

When Our Son Told Us He Was Gay - July 2002 Issue of St. Anthony Messenger Magazine Online A little old, but I thought it would be useful to them.

I also included an article about the stages of grief and a printed out a PFLAG booklet for parents to use as a guide when their child comes out. I included the contact information for the local PFLAG chapter as well as the contact info for a pro-LGBT Catholic group called DignityUSA.

 

Hey all the week of no contact is up tomorrow so I will start reaching back out to them then. Word from my sisters is that my dad seems supportive based on a picture he posted to a social media site after I dropped off the letter. Here is a different version of the meme he posted. Son, i closed my eyes for but a moment and suddenly... We'll see how much my mom wants to discuss it when I reach out tomorrow. I forgot they are leaving town for Labor Day Weekend so I may not get to talk to them in person until the middle of next week.

 

Thanks. Had my first text convo with my mom. She initiated since they are going out of town. Some of it was fine, some of it made me cringe. See below for the convo:

Mom: Are you in a good space emotionally for us to go out of state to the trailer
Me: Yep. Going out with friends tonight. How are you doing with things?
Mom: God has me. He told me he has you In his arms. So I am in more peace. Yes God talks to me

(What I want to do after hearing that. :bang::bang: What I actually said is below)

Me:Glad you are doing ok.
Mom: I just have one question. Your gay and you don't like karaoke. Have fun be safe.
Me: Lol! Yes still don't like it. I don't fit that particular stereotype about gay men very well. Karaoke fuels my anxiety. BTW X knows and I told her it was ok to tell Y and Z. Told her while we were on vacation.
Mom:Told dad response would include word stereotype. Be safe
Mom: ok

So this seems like the best case scenario unless she tries to get me to go back to church and be celibate. Otherwise the biggest barrier to being open and authentic is now gone. Still going to take some work to make a habit of not shying away from being open about it.

 

I already know her mind will never be changed on the religious front. I see a difference between agreeing to disagree and giving her permission to openly disrespect or talk down to me. She's had gay friends and coworkers. My parents were basically introduced to each other by gay men. If she hasn't changed her mind with all of that history, I don't see her ever changing it. It makes me worry about her overall mental state though. She has much worse struggles with anxiety than I do. She never took counseling seriously and instead relies solely on dogmatic religious beliefs to bring order and comfort to her life.

I've got every other person in my family on my side as well. I am not afraid to walk away from situations if she becomes hateful. She will learn that I won't tolerate that kind of behavior from her.

 

Last follow up here. Things are weirdly normal. I wasn't expecting this at all based on past experiences with my mom and the way she has treated my sisters when they haven't measured up to her expectations. Went to an event last weekend where my mom was there and everything was fine. Other family even made a few harmless jokes around me coming out and my mom didn't react negatively. She even sent me a text the day after saying she had gone to see a religious movie and wanted to make sure I didn't misconstrue a Facebook post she made about the movie to be about me being gay. So it all went so much better than expected. The letter writing route really was the best way to go in this case.