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Starting to really not trust dating sites. (Read)

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ChloeKiss, Aug 24, 2015.

  1. ChloeKiss

    ChloeKiss Guest

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    I don't know what to do anymore.. Because there are no lgbt meet ups or groups in my area I resort to online dating and while I have met some cute girls and one in particular who stole my heart for 3-4 months it still has its flaws! I can't even count the number of times I've encountered perverts posing as cute women on lesbian dating sites. I mean what do they want from us? We're on there for women so why pretend to be one? I have massive issues with this because they could have a picture of a cute girl as their profile pic or album pics and then I'll start to suspect a pervert behind that photo and not the girl I see and it makes me almost explode with anger.

    As I like to quote: ''Hate is within the fire of a thousand suns'' that is EXACTLY how I feel when I encounter this bullshit! I despise people who pose as someone their not to fill out their sick twisted fantasies! They ruin my fun and I'm getting so tired of it! I just want to meet a real girl.. Someone I will want in every way! Is that too much to ask?
     
  2. TeamTeal

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    Well, I would suggest not spending too much time talking online before you decide to meet up. If you encounter someone you like, you should bring up a meet up quite early on. Or at least a cam conversation or a phone call. This way, you avoid getting attached too soon to someone who's not who they pretend to be. Impostors usually find all kinds of reasons not to meet up and to continue their perverted twisted game online. I can understand your frustration though. (*hug*)
     
  3. justin88

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    Online dating definitely has its ups and downs, unfortunately there's not much safeguards against imposters pretending to be someone theyre not. I agree with TeamTeal, don't spend too much time talking online before meeting. I cam chat or anything similar is your safest bet.

    Have you reported any of these fake profiles? It would prevent them from doing that to others
     
  4. ChloeKiss

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    Hey guys! Thank you so much for your replies! Yeah well you see as soon as I suspect they aren't who they say they are (which is early on these days as I ask them for their Skype) so the getting attached isn't an issue here it's the disappointment and anger I feel when I REALISE they aren't who they say they are. You know? Oh trust me I have thought about reporting them and I think I did with one awhile ago! Thanks for reminding me of that! Great replies well done helped heaps! (*hug*) xx
     
  5. mangotree

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    I feel your pain.
    Fakes, "pic swappers", spammers, scammers, (ro)bots, so annoying!
     
  6. ChloeKiss

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    Yeah Mango :frowning2: what can we do though honestly?
     
  7. ChloeKiss

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    Also when they act like you're crazy and keep trying to prove they are women with NO solid evidence really annoys me! They can get pictures from anywhere! The upside for me today is a cute girl named Natasha liked me and as long as she comes back online I think we would get along! I love her name too <3 xx
     
  8. justin88

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    Yay! :grin: that's nice to hear. Amongst the sea of crazies there's usually that one cute sane person that makes online dating worth it. :slight_smile:
     
  9. ChloeKiss

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    Exactly Justin! She has a nice body too :wink: but I just hope we click! Maybe I'll make a new friend out of this if it doesn't work out! Which would be good because I hate the town I live in and don't give people a chance to get to know me because I know what they're all like here. I only have 2 good friends here.
     
  10. RainbowBright

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    To provide another perspective, not all people you meet online who don't want to give their personal information out right away are dudes. I'm a real woman, but cyberspace is a very vulnerable place to be, especially these days. It is full of hackers and spammers and scammers and liars and psychopaths, so protect myself, I need to go through several levels of getting to know and trust someone before I divulge personal information. Frankly, EVERYONE should be as cautious as I am. And all the more so because I'm a woman, because hackers can easily find out your address and everything else in a matter of minutes, just being online.

    My identity has already been stolen 3 different times, and I am extremely careful! My usual pattern is to connect with a woman online, then exchange email addresses (I only use a spam account for this that is attached to a fake name for security, never my main account). I don't always give my real name up front, although I'd like to. I give a nickname or user name instead, because who knows what psychopath is on the other side? Then when we start emailing with the spam account, I'll usually give my real first name but not last if they seem for real. If we still like each other by that point, I then exchange several pictures. If we're both still interested in getting to know each other, and we've been emailing a lot of details back and forth for several months so I believe this person is real and not a risk, then I give them my real email account (which has my full name, which is why I'm careful about using it, because it's not a common name and could be more quickly used to hack my identity). I also live in a place where I could lose my job for being gay, so while I am not closeted, I don't need a stranger using the information about me to identify me and then out me at work because they turn out to be insane.

    So I feel like there are a lot of reasons to be cautious. If after a few months of emailing they have my real name and email, my photos, and we're still close, then I would be open to giving my phone number, or to skyping. I still would not give out my address yet (although they could easily look it up).

    Because internet relationships are so anonymous, I need longer to built trust with them than I would a person I know in real life. And I feel no shame about that, I think it's smart.

    One woman I met online who was from another country I had a strong interest in, and so I hit on her directly, and said I would like her email so we could get to know each other better. But she was constantly questioning me, indicating I was a liar or a criminal, and I was really put off by that. I myself wanted to know if she was a woman, and an adult not a minor, but I didn't ask her 10 times in a row - only 2, lol! But everything I said, even though I tried to be open about my reasoning and reassure her, she was like - why would you even know about that? You must be a criminal or some bad person to try to hide your identity online, or to know about hackers. And I was like no, I read the paper. I thought she was being naive, and at a certain point insulting.

    Anyway, she eventually trusted me enough to give me her email (apparently she likes to play "hard to get" which I'm not into), and we had a few nice exchanges whereby we were both apparently real people. But then she kept pushing us to be girlfriends, to make a commitment, and got really psycho about it, writing me several times a day for an answer. She got angry that I didn't reply yet (I hadn't even gotten a chance to read my email, sheesh!). So when I checked, there were like 10 messages. Some of them were talking about moving to my country so we could be together. And I was like, I want to take it slow, I really like a lot of things about you but at this point we've only exchanged a few emails over like 4 days, I don't even know what you look like, we've never talked on the phone or Skype, I don't even know your last name, or if we have much in common. I'm not ready to commit to being your girlfriend, I want us to get to know each other better. Plus she criticized several things I said about what I like to do, but then still was pressing to be girlfriends because she's lonely and in her country (not that far from my country, and the same language) there are no out lesbians really. So at some point she got so mad she suddenly stopped writing me. It had been all of like 5 days since we met in a chat room, and I still barely knew her. I don't even know for sure if she was a man, but with that mess of emotional drama, I'm pretty sure it was a woman, lol! Sorry, but I'm looking for somebody stable, not looking to Uhaul over the internet the first day we meet in a chat room!

    So this is one of those many examples, where I am GLAD I do not give everybody my personal info all out from the get-go. If that psycho had my contact information and my real name, who knows what kind of harassment I might be in for!

    So I think you should rethink being angry that every person who does not give you a copy of their most recent gyn report is a man lurking on a lesbian site. Yeah, there are a lot of those, and they suck ass. But, there are also rael women on there like me, who would love to spend her life adoring a woman in person, but who have found through experience the need to be careful out there in "The Interwebs." :slight_smile: Like really, people out there are crazy. So just because I take my time doesn't mean I've got a dick and a beard.

    If someone ever reported my account just because they don't believe my photos are mine, or that my word is for real, just because I didn't want to Skype right away or give them my phone number, I would be REALLY upset and feel violated. I am on a site which verifies its users as female with a photo (which is rather imperfect as a system, but still, at least I am verified), so that should be enough for a lot of people. But on a site that doesn't use that, you have to use some level of trust and skepticism for a long time with anybody new, until you really get to know them - at least 3 or more months. They could be lying to you in all sorts of ways - they could be married, they could be pregnant and never showed you, they could actually believe they're straight, all kinds of things.... but that's all true of in-person interactions too. You just have to take a leap of faith at a certain point, and know that whatever you choose to give is something you can afford to lose. If you waste a few weeks and learn a lesson, well that's not so bad maybe. Hopefully the conversation up to that point was at least stimulating! :slight_smile:

    So liars are horrible. But some of us are not liars, we are just afraid of being too vulnerable and getting hurt for it - some of us because we specifically got hurt before by strangers, or particularly strangers online. Something to think about, maybe 20% of those people you're feeling hatred for are actually nice people who are just afraid to trust you because they don't know you. Maybe.
     
  11. ChloeKiss

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    I read all of that! Wow that was long :lol:

    Good points there though! I don't know what to say in response besides the fact that you actually opened my eyes up a little. Thanks for that!