For the past while I'm becoming very confused about what my orientation is. For the past few years I keep jumping between being bisexual or gay. Now I guess I'm a biromantic homosexual but if people ask I just call myself gay. Basically, I have always wanted to have sex with men, but when it comes to falling in love, it was always with women. I do have fantasies of kissing men as well, but I've never had a crush on a man where I wanted to do stuff like cuddling and spending my life with them. With women, I have that almost constantly. I do know that I can never be intimate with a woman though. Ever since puberty kicked in every fibre in my body tells me that I could never do that, no matter how much I would love them. This makes me so confused with not only what orientation I am, but how a relationship like that could work. I guess in a perfect world I could be with a woman where we both have sex with other people on the side to satisfy our sexual urges. But let's be realistic, there's no way that a relationship like that could work. Especially since I feel that unless you're asexual, you eventually have the urge to be intimate with the person you're in a relationship with. I am very introverted and anti-social, so sometimes I feel like I'd be better off just not trying to get anyone. If it helps, I have been on dates with men, but it didn't work, but then again they were assholes.
I tend to like romanticism with a woman than a man as well. I have a pretty strong sexual attraction to men but I have lately been getting a lot of lust for women as well. I don't usually tend to get as turned on by a woman as I do a man but I get urges to want to have sex with women and it seems exciting. You know it doesn't really matter who you are just be happy with yourself. Sometimes sexuality for some people can be very fluid so you can't predict what may happen from one day to the next.
Hello Noided. You mention that when it comes to falling in love, it is always women. You also say that you know you can never be intimate with a woman though. This is an interesting point. What is it that draws you to women? From what I wrote above, may be it is the beauty, personality, emotional attraction that draws you? If that is the case, it could be that you harbour an aesthetic attraction, which could mean that you can drawn or attracted by the beauty, attitude , personality etc. It does, then, seem consistent with the fact that you don't think you can ever be intimate with a woman. Do you think identify with this? Or do you think there is another reason that could lead to your idea non intimacy that you harbour for women? It could or could not be social conditioning that yo use yourself with a woman and not a man. Have you ever been with guys before physically? Do you feel any emotional attraction to them?
You're describing exactly how I've always felt! The thing is, it takes a toll. I'm now 31, engaged to a woman, and realizing I probably have to call it off because I'm never going to stop wanting to have sex with men.
My best male friend used to tell me the same things: "I can't imagine myself kissing a guy, let alone waking up next to a one in the morning". He always told me his attraction to guys was exclusively sexual and physical and it turns out he's now getting attached to a guy with whom it's the first time he wants to be affectionate and loving and I can see he's developing feelings for him because he's allowing himself to change his mind. In the hetero normative society we live in, the opposite sex is much more easily available. It wouldn't be surprising you simply haven't met any guy you liked enough to develop that type of relationship.
Hello Noided. I agree with TeamTeal. You are still fairly young, and may not have met a guy you can develop romantic feelings for yet. Heteronormativity can be a pretty strong force, and can lead one to subconsciously believe that a loving, emotionally intimate romantic relationship can not exist between two men, even though it's not true. Do you know any out, committed loving gay couples? Spending time around such couples might help you overcome your resistance to this idea. Also, perhaps try watching some films or TV shows with loving gay couples. Queer as Folk (the US version) comes to mind, especially the later seasons.
Thanks for the posts so far. I did consider the possibility of it being social conditioning, especially because I was really in denial of my homosexuality as a teen, but still I really dunno. No matter how much I kept trying to deny it I still had sexual feelings for men, so I think the same would have happened for my crushes. Crushes and crushes and they happen when they happen, and in my case it seems to always be with women. What makes this more strange is that I did try to do hook ups with men before, but I just couldn't get into it. I wanted to know the person before being intimate with them, but outside of the few dates I had, all they want is sex right here and right now, without even knowing something simple like each other's name. This makes my situation more frustrating because it seems like I need to have some sort of emotional connection before being intimate with them. I'm not ruling out the possibility of me just not finding some that I have romantic feelings for yet, and I do hope that that could happen eventually. I just find it strange how I didn't even have a small celeb crush like that yet. I was in a state of euphoria with a man before my first date, but later on I realized that it was only because I was FINALLY going to have my first date and someone liked me enough to wanna do that. Just 5 seconds into that date was enough for me hate to him lol
