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"You can't change people" - agree or disagree?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Anongirl123, Aug 17, 2015.

  1. HunGuy

    HunGuy Guest

    It's true. There may be some aspects of their personality that is easier to affect, but the ingrained traits are too solid for anyone else to change but the person. And more often than not even they can't or won't do it.

    Btw, drugging and brainwashing them may be a little bit over the top, so I don't recommend that. XD
     
  2. Blue787Bunny

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    It depends on how we approach this question..

    Can I force someone to change? Well No. You can badger someone as many times as you want, a stubborn person, a person who does not want to change won't change. I am an example of this. My family comes from a minority Christian denomination, they're hardliners. I wanted to convert to Protestantism. My mom did all the talking, badgering she wanted I just did my rhetorics and stood my ground. Is there another way at this concept? Yes. I can coerce someone to change like through violence, abuse, etc.

    Can someone change as a result of a major event in their life? Yes. Parents change drastically at the death of a child, vice versa. Some people as a result of trauma such as accidents change also. Near death experiences can cause someone to change. Etc

    Can people make a conscious effort to change themselves? Yes. There is a saying old habits die hard. Meaning they need to muster everything that they can to change. An example would be my dad. My dad used to be very strict as I was growing up. He expected that I was to remain "masculine" and grow up to be a "man". In line with this I was expected to dress appropriately, conservatively in "man/guy clothes". A lot of things happened. He and my mom had a lot of talks. Eventually they accepted I was metrosexual. Now he even goes to my room while I unpack the things I bought, looks at them and just says "remember to wear them". Before things had happened he would have lost it seeing what I had bought and had a shout-fest.

    I have a saying--- "It is easier to change yourself than to change others."
     
    #22 Blue787Bunny, Aug 18, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2015
  3. Frisk

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    I don't think one person can directly change someone with the intent of doing so. I think it's more that their actions might influence how they think and feel and act themselves, or that even if someone tries to change someone against their will they will be the same inside but trying to convince themselves they've changed. It's quite a complicated little thought experiment thing.
     
  4. Ryu

    Ryu
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    I would normally agree to this, and I was just thinking 'you can change a mountain with a chisel, but you can't change somebody with anything'.
    And the I remembered lobotomy existed, so yes, you can change somebody, or multiple people, for that matter.
     
  5. Seahawksfan

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    I think you can change. A person But they've got to be willing to put in efforts To try to change themselves but I think it can be done if the person wants too change they will but if the person doesn't want to change pointless in even trying!
     
  6. Kellian

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    Everyone can change, but they have to be open minded. ^-^ And if you try and try and try, and they never change, drop them like a rock.
     
  7. I have been someone that tried to change, only due to people-pleasing. I have had aggressive personalities try to mold me into what they wanted me to be, because they claimed that it would make me feel happier. I gave into their pressure. But, it didn't work. Acting like someone I'm not made things much worse. I felt so fake and depressed, and then I got resentful to the people that were trying to change me.

    Just sharing the other side of the coin when it comes to people changing. People can change, but will it work in the long run? The change has to be positive and come from within.
     
    #27 Fullofsurprises, Mar 12, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 12, 2016
  8. Innsanchez

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    Agree, you really can't change someone unless they're willing to change you can influence them but you can't totally change them who they are as a person that would stay forever it may change a bit, but that change caused by something that happened to them experience example.
     
  9. beastwith2backs

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    I think one of the main reasons that people, especially if they're old or have believed something for a really long time, have a hard time changing their long held beliefs, is because they've been taught to fuse their beliefs, political and religious and eveything else, into their identity, instead of viewing them as two seperate things, that could change over time. I hate to hear that i can't change some people and i wonder if that's really true.
     
  10. Kinky

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    I've pretty much accepted the fact my boyfriend is always gonna be a big spender, but at least he has enough talents to earn money. I can't say the same for myself.
     
  11. sam the man

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    My response is more or less along the same lines as what's been said: you can't force someone to change because it's something that comes from within. So I wasn't gonna respond to say what's already been articulated by many posters.

    I just thought this was an interesting take on it, though. It's pretty intuitive for the case of political beliefs, and I think different views on what identity is, e.g. its changeability, its relation to ideologies, hobbies, other people etc... can have an impact on someone's responsiveness to change. If I take someone's criticism of my politics as a personal attack rather than a rational refutation of my arguments, of course I'm less likely to take it on board. So I like the point this post is making.

    That being said, there are other forces at play, such as personality, habits, upbringing, level of comfort with one's life, etc. that aren't so easy to "decouple" from identity (if, say, I'm naturally a cautious person, perhaps that makes me more predisposed to conservatism regardless of how I view the ideology in relation to my identity...?). I think, rationally speaking, if there's a healthy view of identity change is easier. But even *with* that healthy view, there's a lot of irrational obstacles, because imo no-one is fully rational at the end of the day.