I've posted about this before but my new boyfriend, who I've been in a relationship with for about 2 in a half months, was cheated on and abused by his last boyfriend and its understandably caused him to put up major walls. It took us almost a month to finally go on our first date because my boyfriend kept standing me up. He stood me up 4 or 5 times before we went on our first date. I asked him why he kept standing me up and he said that he was afraid that I'd either just want a no strings attached one night stand or I would randomly up and leave him out of no where at some point in our relationship. We've been going thru periods where we will be communicating and everything is fine and then out of nowhere he cuts contact with me for up to weeks at a time and we've gone thru these periods wherw he cuts contact with me 4 or 5 times in the last 2ish months and we're currently in one of those periods which just so happens to be the longest which is pushing 3 weeks. I know he is doing this out of fear, he is doing it because he's afraid of getting too close because he' afraid of getting hurt again not because he doesn't like me. In fact, I have asked him more times than I can remember if he still wants a relationship with me and every single time I asked him that(which has to be at least 5+ times now) he has always said yes he does still want a relationship with me. I know he isn't cheating on me because he hasn't posted anything about him with other guys on any of his social media sites. He actually seems to be quite depressed the past month or two because you can see in his eyes and lack of expression on his face when he posts pics on facebook and instagram. He also has been posting some pretty depressing things on facebook the past month or two as well. I have also been texting him "good morning" and "goodnight" every single day without missing a beat since he last texted me which was almost 3 weeks ago and I have even told him multiple times that if my constant texting annoys him that he can tell me and I'll either tone it down or I'll completely stop but he hasn't told me to stop or tone it down or anything. I know he doesn't have my number blocked because I can call him and it still rings the normal 4 to 5 times and then goes to voicemail. One thing I will say is that I am not ready to give up on him. I know that if I give up on him now, not only will it guarentee to devastate my boyfriend but it will garentee to devastate me as well. I know that it will hurt me worse if I give up on him rather than keep doing what I'm doing because I know he has strong feelings for me but his fears and anxieties keep getting the best of him and I just need to show him that its okay to trust again. So giving up on him is not an option for me at this point in time. And don't say that if he really did have feelings for me then he wouldn't be afraid to get into another relationship. Relationship are not that black and white, I wish they were because that would make things a lot easier but they're not. When you have feelings for someone but you let your fears get the best of you, its not as easy as saying that if you really love this person then you would be with them and you wouldn't let the fear control you. I know this because I've been in those shoes before. I also know that I'm not his psychiatrist and I can't "fix" him but the least I can do is be a good boyfriend and be supportive of him when he does try to get professional help, which he has mentioned to me that he was thinking about doing, and even encourage him to get professional help. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I gave up on him and never spoke to him again? All that would accomplish is hurt feelings from both of us and it would confirm to my boyfriend that not only will he never be able to trust me again but he will never be able to trust anyone again. I feel like I need to talk to him in person but I can't just go to his apt and knock on his door because although I know the apt building he lives in, I don't know the apt number. How can I try to talk to him in person without coming off as a stalker or creeper? Is there anything else I can do?
If it's been three weeks since you've heard back from him, I definitely would not show up at his apartment. If he can't answer a text, he's not going to answer the door. I really think you hit it on the head when you pointed out that you can't fix things for him - which includes many of the things you've mentioned wanting to do for him. Maybe he needs professional help, but he's not going to benefit from it until he decides to go himself. And so on. If he's communicating anything to you by not responding, it's that he needs space. Try giving him that, and see what happens.
In the past when I've withdrawn from the world, gestures like this were exactly what kept me from completely losing it. Silly texts from my sister-in-law helped me when nothing else could. If you're unwilling to give up on your relationship these kinds of gestures are good. Your boyfriend's emotions are completely valid, and it's good of you to show him that by letting him have space. Don't push too hard, but reminding your boyfriend that you care about him and are worried when you don't hear back might help him to communicate better with you during the times you don't see him. Even a simple thing like him texting back a "goodnight" each night might be a thing you could ask him to do. You could even frame it as not a "you're my boyfriend" request, but as a simple "I care what happens to you" request. There is no way to make him understand truly that you will not hurt him without his cooperation. In his mind he genuinely believes that he's in danger any time he puts himself in a place to feel love, so he's going to avoid that kind of exposure instinctually. He may even pull away harder the closer the two of you grow. You will most likely be hurt emotionally in that situation. If you continue with your relationship please take the time to care for your own emotional health as well as your partner's. If you find yourself getting stressed/angry/irritated by things outside of your control it can eat away at you and overwhelm your ability to be his supporter. You are going to have to learn to let go some of his nervous behaviors that concern or irritate you. He will contact you in person again when he's ready. Try to keep the lines of communication you have now (text/phone/email?) open until he's ready to see you again in person. However, if you're afraid he'll do himself harm or kill himself make sure you call 911 to get him the help he needs.
One thing he started doing last night is he started flirting with this other guy a little bit on his facebook. I've seen them flirt before just not this much but this guy is in his circle of friends and they might just have that kind of friendship where they can flirt but they both know it doesn't mean anything they're just goofing off. I dunno if I should be concerned about that or if I should shrug it off. I feel like if they had feelings for each other then they'd probably do something about it by now. Not only that but it took us almost a month to go on our first date because he was so nervous and anxious about dating so I can only assume that it would be the same for them two.
