I think i've turned gay and i hate it.

Hey Kingjules. I am really very sorry you are going through a hard time. I can understand what you are going through.
From what you have written above, it doesn't seem that you are gay. When the thought first occurred to you, was it because of a past experience, of you being physically-emotionally drawn to guys? Or was it just a random whimsical thought?
The instances of eye contact and walk that you mention, I think it could be anxiety and and ocd. If you haven't ever felt an attraction towards guys but keep trying to check for arousal, I am lead to believe that you aren't gay.
I feel really sorry about the situation with your girlfriend. Also, porn is a very unreliable indicator of sexuality. Just because you get turned on by gay porn does not mean you are gay. I have read that, for eg, many lesbians get off to gay porn, or gay guys getting off to straight porn. Having said that, you having a fetish for anal sex doesn't necessarily make you gay.
If you think, it would really help seeking a therapist, if there is no one that you can speak about this. You can openly speak about it and calm yourself.
Please be safe! I hope you feel better soon...

 

I want to start off saying that there is nothing wrong with being gay. Along with that, I have lots of straight guy friends that find other guys attractive, its completely normal to admit that another guy is good looking.

Things to consider would be that you could be bisexual (or at least something other than only attracted to guys?). Another thing is that you don't just simply "turn gay" you're born this way and it may have been the case that it has been laying dormant inside you for years.

I'd suggest talking to a counselor about this, maybe one at school? or even whoever diagnosed you with OCD?

This isn't the end of the world, its simply just a fork in your road to self discovery. We're all here to support you.

 

Did you lose attraction for your girl before or after? Losing attraction could be due to many reasons. I know its easier said than done, but try not being so hard on yourself.
I hope things calm down for you and you feel better sooner than ever

 

May be with all that you are going through, has led to the loss of libido in you. The very fact, that you say you're still attracted to girls should give you a peace of mind. Don't you think so? Irrespective, therapy will do you good. And again, please don't be hard on yourself.

 

I agree with myself123, sounds like you might need some professional help.

 

There's aesthetical attraction; which is finding someone attractive or hot but not with the desire to have sex with them.
Then there's romantic attraction; crushes, that butterfly feeling, falling in love...
There's sexual attraction too. The desire to have sex with someone.
From what you've written, it just sounds like you can acknowledge that a guy is hot but you don't have sexual desire. That's perfectly normal, even if you're straight.. I have a lot of straight friends who would say someone of the same sex is attractive, but would never consider dating them.
Sexual and romantic attraction is what really determines your orientation. Have you ever had a romantic crush on a boy? You already said you kind of hate the idea of having sex with a man, and that already means you aren't gay if you find that repulsive. Liking anal doesn't make you "gay-er", because you always imagine it with girls.
And, really, there's no "feeling gay". I mean, if you feel gay, then you're feeling attraction towards the same sex. What you describe sounds more like depression. You don't feel like yourself anymore...
As for your girlfriend, it just sounds like you're losing attraction to her, but not to women in general. Also, things like depression can lower your sexual drive.

I don't know exactly what you're feeling, but from what you wrote you sound pretty straight, don't worry! There's nothing wrong with being gay either though. The "out of body" and decreased libido are effects of depression and they will come back eventually. I agree with some of the others up there, therapy or counseling would probably be helpful.
Good luck

 

I think you might just be a bit OCD here, but I'm not a doctor.. or psychologist, so I wont pretend to know your situation, but one major thing that's crucial in knowing if you're gay is something that you mentioned in your post

In my opinion I don't think you're gay, judging by what I quoted.. you're just scared, & I can understand that, some people may say it's homophobic but I don't see that, there are many young guys who occasionally have those moments, but I wouldn't get worried over it to the extent that you are, & it's not gay if you find another man good looking, a guy can look nice.. but you don't have to be attracted to him, but like I mentioned earlier in the post, your attraction to someone is determined by what gender arouses you more, is it both? or one of the other, then you have your answer, & if it's still a concern.. I think the best thing to do would be to talk to a therapist, or a peer or family member who can help you through it, in terms of the anxiety & fear you're going through.

 

Hey just want to say I'm in the same boat. I always thought I was straight and never checked out guys in real life but was turned on by gay porn just like you. I also was always obsessed with analing girls more so than having vaginal sex.

I'm still not totally sure on my orientation either, some days I feel gay and other days I feel like I am 100% straight so it is very weird. What I can say is it has been easier accepting myself lately and with that I think I can tell that I'm actually attracted to guys, as much as I try to avoid that possibility.

My advice to you is to relax a bit and do what you feel with whoever. There is no need to choose what you are right now. This is also coming from someone who has only been with girls, has been aroused by them and has been able to fantasize about them, but for some reason these "gay" attractions won't go away, and it's mostly only about the penetration. As far as my relationship goes, I really have no clue what I am but I know that I don't want to be gay so I try to avoid these feelings, but they are seeming to go away. So the big challenge is just accepting the fact that your attractions aren't in your control so there is no point in fighting them. And that does not mean going and fantasizing about this stuff whenever you get an urge but it means to cut yourself some slack if it does arouse, because it's perfectly natural.

---------- Post added 18th Aug 2015 at 06:27 PM ----------

They aren't going away**

 

Hi there,

It sounds to me like you are struggling with OCD around your sexuality.

I have struggled with this too and what you are saying sounds very familiar (except I am female).
What has helped me is ERP therapy. (you may already know about this but I'll write it anyway )

Here is my advice:
Stop doing your neutralising behaviours (i.e checking, looking for evidence/ reassurance etc...) Your OCD will never be satisfied.

In the short term your behaviours satisfy your OCD but it is actually just fuelling the problem to get worse. The pull to satisfy your OCD will be really strong but if you keep fuelling it with compulsive behaviours your anxiety may lower in the short term but longer term it will remain high therefore fuelling the obsession.
If you learn to endure the anxiety/uncertainty without your neutralising behaviours, your anxiety may stay higher in the short term but in the long term it will lower and gradually it will fade.

Hope that makes sense?

Here's another thing that has helped me. Accept the possibility that you are gay.
This does not mean that you are gay and you are not giving in by doing this. It's actually a really powerful thing. Your OCD is driven by the fear that you are gay and in order to find an answer you keep doing your neutralising behaviours. The problem with this is that it teaches your brain that it is a legitimate fear and fuels you to keep obsessing.
If you stop making a big deal of it by accepting the uncertainty and just saying something like 'so what if I am gay?' when these thoughts pop up without doing any neutralising behaviours, after a while your mind will realise that it's not actually big deal and you will stop obsessing.

I appreciate that sounds really hard but it's only been a couple of weeks for me and I am feeling much better already


Give it time and as your anxiety fades, your true attractions will start to show through again.

 

There was a recent survey stemming from the UK that indicated that almost half of the men surveyed don't completely identify as straight. I don't know how much this can be verified or generalised, but it does give a strong indication as to how sexuality is a lot more than a neat categorical box that is just "straight" and "gay".

When I used to hear kids back in school overtly repeating their disgust towards homosexuality, later on discovered that this was just because of peer pressure and societal expectations. This of course led them to be quite cruel to other kids who did identify as gay, because it reminded them of something they did not want to be. Most of the people here will tell you that as you mature, it'll become clearer to you. And it's exactly that, you can't have all the answers when you're a teen, all you're going to get is more questions. Based on what the limited information we know about you, in my opinion, you're most likely to identify as straight.