mother pretending i didnt come out

I came out to my mother at 15, and I am 26 now...she still refuses to acknoledge, she knows I am, but she just wants to see me married with kids, because she feels thats what would make me happy, but when it comes to gayness she has no imagination of where that can go. Besides she comes from the place where if you are gay you are doomed.

So my advice is, you may need to give it time, but the best way to get her to come around is to live a happy healthy life, and show her..look...its doable see. Also if the conversation comes up, remind her that things can go very bad even if you are straight, so not liking guys may not be such a bad thing after all.

 

I told my mom I'm gay but she hasn't said anything about it since. Nothing on the general topic at all, and she never does that to me. I don't think she believes me.

 

I told my mother in February, too, and she still tries to ignore it. We've danced around the topic a couple times since, and she point-blank refuses to talk about my girlfriend. in fact, the last time we did, she outright told me, "You're not dating her."

I'm satisfied knowing that she knows, even if she tries to lie to herself. I hope she'll come around eventually, but have decided to give her some space. The thing is, your mother has spent the last 16 years thinking you were straight. Maybe she needs a few months to get used to the idea that you're not. Parents go through the stages of grief, too. They go through denial. There's actually an excellent article on EC about this.

I hope your mother will come around, OnceUponADream. I think she needs time, but if it is really getting to you, don't give up. Set her straight (no pun intended) when she acts as if you're into guys. Tell her how it makes you feel. She will, eventually, get the point. Try not to let this ruin your relationship with your mother. Chances are, it's as hard for her as it is for you. You just need to learn to understand each other.

 

I came out to my mom over 10 years ago, she was in total denial and still is. Talking about finding a wife, have kids... Ect. I learned to just ignore it, I'm done wasting energy on the whole thing lol

 

Came out to my mother when I was 15. A few weeks later than that, she denied that I was a "lesbian"(even though I came out as bisexual). Now I'm 17 and a few weeks ago, she saw I was crying and she asked me if I was in love with a boy, and then if I was in love with a girl.
It was not that, but what she said certainly did make some noise in my head.
I think it's a lottery. It's totally random. Maybe your mother just needs time, like people say here.

 

That would be extremely annoying! God I don't know what you could do. Have you considered writing your mother a letter or maybe getting a family counsellor?

 

Yah, definitely. I have come out twice and yet she won't believe me. But it is not like I can go and throw my romantic/sexual life in her face.

Continuing to be honest is probabky the best, but you may need to accept that she won't accept. When you marry a girl, yah she will have to. Or maybe she won't. But for now, this seems to be the choice she is sticking with

 

This must be a really tough situation. If I were you I would remind her every time she refers to you as straight that you are gay. If this isn't working then perhaps you should confront her about it and tell her that you're upset at how she's ignoring your sexuality.
If no matter what happens and she still ignores it, you might just have to live with it and wait till you get a girlfriend. (*hug*)

 

I know talking to parents isn't an easy thing (I don't communicate with mine that much)
But I think the best thing would be to just have an honest, calm chat with her about it. Just ask her if you can talk. It could go something like this "Mom, I just wanted to talk to you because remember how I told you I'm gay? Well it just kind of hurts me sometimes because I feel like you don't accept it. I know it's hard to accept, and I understand that but I'd like to talk about it. I just feel like sometimes you're pretending I'm not gay and it hurts my feelings and I wish you'd acknowledge it more."
I know easier said than done, but I think this is the only way you can deal with it. No matter what, don't respond with anger or try to make her feel bad because then she'll just feel offended and put up a wall. You want her to understand you so try to understand things from her side. She's probably in denial right now because it came as a shock to her. She's always thought you were one way so when you suddenly challenged that, she probably just had trouble accepting this new thing. Some parents struggle with this a lot, but there are lots of parents who get over it in time. But honesty and communication is a good way to try and deal with it. Just try to be as patient and understanding with her as you'd like her to be with you.
Best of luck<3

 

No matter what age you are your mother is still your mother. I'm 51 and when I Came Out to her in March she told me she loved me. Then she almost avoided the subject for a month or so.

I then decided to casually inject me being Gay into our conversation. She now talks with me about it and it's getting to be almost natural when we talk about it.

Give your mom some time. She'll come around.

 

People have different Coping Mechanisms when faced by hard/difficult stressors. In your case or more specifically in your Mom's case. She chose Denial as a Coping Mechanism and has particularly made use of Selective Amnesia. It is advisable that you try to ease her back into the truth that you are homosexual. Don't force it unto her completely as this make break her and she might go into further deviant coping mechanisms.

Try to talk about gay issues with your mom. If she responds positively talk about a friend who is homosexual. If the response is positive. Gradually introduce her to the idea of what if she had a gay relative. If the response is positive. Ask hypothetical questions regarding what if she had a gay child. If the response is positive the ball is in your hands to come out to her.

Just emphasize that nothing really changes. Our sexuality is but one aspect of our being. You are still the same daughter she had brought up.