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Want to dress more femme in public, but...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Invidia, Aug 11, 2015.

  1. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    Hey y'all. I'm looking for some advice...

    As of now I dress kind of androgynous in public. Never full femme, at least not when I'm in my hometown where I live. It's a small, judgmental town where everyone tells on evreyone (it sucks :dry: ).ยด

    My wardrobe is still a material aspect that I'm still working on (though the lack of $$$ makes that a slow process, but oh well.)

    But I want to start dressing more femme. Like I do have some female clothes and I want to use them more, and I want to buy more and use them...

    The problem, though, is that I have social anxiety. I have meds, but... doesn't help against that very much, really. My social anxiety is mainly just social dysphoria. I don't want people to see me as male. Yew. I want them to see me as female, and if I can't have that right now, people seeing me as trans female is also much preferable to people viewing me as male.

    Here's the rub. I'm worrying about some things, some of which might be more or less likely, some of which are more tolerable.

    So, I'm worrying people might:
    -Look at me differently. This I could tolerate.
    -Judge me. This I also think I could tolerate.
    -Harass me. That might suck, but I think I could take it. I'm a gifted diplomat and I'm good at connecting with people's hearts and sharing compassion, I think. (And no, I'm not bragging: I don't usually give myself any cred whatsoever but I'm practising... <3 )
    -Attack me. That's what I'm really worried about... I mean, I live in a pretty blessed place LGBT-wise. But still. There is the chance that I might be attacked. Then what? I don't want to get beaten up or... worse...

    I don't know what to do... I need some advice... :tears:
     
    #1 Invidia, Aug 11, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2015
  2. KayJay

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    I was in this situation a few years ago.

    Getting attacked is definitely a scary thought, I'd recommend trying to have someone to walk with when you're out, especially at night. I know that isn't always possible but it helps comfort wise and may dissuade them from doing anything they would do if you were alone. I live in Southern Ontario which is a pretty nice place to be LGBT-wise but I'm still afraid of being assaulted. It's sort of a fear you'll have to live with while of course taking all the steps for safety as you can.

    The others are all sort of an inevitable part. I'd say it's been exerpeinced by anyone trans at some point. People are eager to express their hatred and put others down for no reason. I've been pointed at and called a hooker on multiple occasions actually, which hurts but we all sort of have to develop thick skin because of the way others may potentially treat us. It's an unfortunate reality. The more you're out and about you'll realize there's also the other side of things, there's many people who will treat you with respect like they would any other person, so it's definitely not all horrible leaving the house.

    The anxiety is sort of the toughest part, its just dang scary. I remember when I started dressing femininely it was after I'd been wearing really feminine male clothes for a while, which is sort of a primer for getting you ready to be presenting fully female dress wise. So you're definitely helping yourself meet that goal by wearing androgynous clothing. Perhaps you could continue going out in those clothes until you feel a little more comfortable at the idea of wearing fully femme appearing clothing out. I actually used to go out later at night for walks while fully dressed in my female clothes. It really helped because there was no one else around and it gave me a chance to be out in public even though not many people would see me. It's also dark so even less chance people may see you, if you're worried about that. Just remember if you ever try that to ask a friend if they'd be able to join you because night time can be even more dangerous especially while alone.
     
    #2 KayJay, Aug 11, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2015
  3. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    Thanks. I don't have anyone who can walk with me... but yeah, I think I'll buy some more clothes and like... try a little bit at a time. And I can walk in the forest if it's dark... no one ever goes there after a certain time...
     
  4. Kasey

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    See, it takes a lot of getting used to at the start. You might be comfortable at home, but going out full female at first is very scary. But it gets easier.

    And always at first have a backup set of clothes if you have to change or are uncomfortable. And going out at night offers both benefits if you don't pass well and a challenge of safety especially in a small close minded town.
     
  5. Rochelle86

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    I usually go half way feminine, or fully if I'm going out to my LGBT group. Sports bras are your best friend, I wish I had bought one sooner. I got one today, and its really comfy, and it supports my chest/back.

    I wear mascara, lipgloss (pink or nude), nailpolish, a tanktop or sports bra under a tshirt, and panties. I want to start wearing womans jeans, but they aren't practical for work. I have mens jeans and a generic tshirt for working, plus runners, as I have to wear closed toe shoes.
     
  6. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    @Kasey Thanks! <3 Yeah, I guess I'm kind of gonna take it like one step at a time and see if I can ease into it.

    @Rochelle Hmm, I'll give that bra thing a round of consideration... :3 THank you! xo
     
    #6 Invidia, Aug 11, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2015
  7. Rochelle86

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    If your concerned about your chest size in public try to find ones that are cupless, or have little padding. I want a pair from Pink Victorias Secrit, my current bra has small cups. They fit my chest really well for some one with no hormones.