I've recently started to accept the fact that I'm bisexual with a preference towards women. I've started to date women or have attempted to do so. Recently, I went on a date with someone and it's hard for me to determine how well it went; it seemed ok, but something changed over the weekend. She has since ceased to communicate with me. I'm somewhat obsessing over it, but I know this isn't the larger issue. People will come and go for whatever reason, and sometimes you'll never know why. The larger issue is that I'm dealing with an increasing feeling of depression and self-esteem issues associated with coming out. I'm from a Caribbean family where being gay is not okay AT ALL. I came out to my father, who is gay, and he pretty much told me it may be better for me to stay in the closet, because life would be easier. He did tell me he, "loves me no matter what", though. This weekend I was asked by friends if I was gay, I was honest and told them I'm exploring my sexuality. They were supportive. But this hasn't made me feel any better. Instead I'm feeling more anxious and fearful. For instance, with the person I was recently talking to, I feel as though ambiguity regarding my sexuality played a role. She never asked me outright and I never disclosed, because it was a conversation I would have rather had in person. Had she asked me, I would have. Though, I did compliment her and intimate that I wanted to spend time with her. She is openly gay and may have sensed confusion on my part. Or she may have sensed that I am someone who has had to deal with a lot in the past and is still working through it. I don't know. Not sure it matters. My fear is that I 1) won't find anyone, because I do come with a negative history that I'm constantly trying to overcome and move past, 2) won't be accepted. Have any of you dealt with depression during your coming out process? How did you handle it? How did you manage dating while you were going through this?
Depression and self esteem issues and even severe stuff like self harm, eating disorders and suicidality are all common for LGBT youth. This is normal. Your dad was wrong to say stay in the closet, but with his experiences I can understand why he would say so. I'm from NJ too and thi did a very LGBT friendly place to live, even if your culture and family is not. Look up some local youth and pride centers, I know there's a few where you could get some help. You can always talk to a school counselor in September too. -hugs- don't worry about not finding someone. As I just told to another kid your age, you're really young and have lots of time. and I'll be damned if I've heard of or met anyone who doesn't have some emotional baggage or family issues! You'll be fine, and you sound totally normal.
Thanks, troubleshooter. I'm not a young person, though. Im 28. Nonetheless, I appreciate your support and kind words. I've been thinking of joining a meetup group, I'll look into pride centers as well.
I'm sorry I saw the nmber of posts you had and thought that was your age. There are grown up pride centers!
