In short. I'm too moody to explain. Much in detail right now but I came out to my wife as being fully female in my mind instead of androgynous and for some reason that crosses some line. As if it's not sexist to NOT be manly but it IS sexist of me to feel womanly. Names. Feelings. Mannerisms. And that I have no right to call myself a girl at heart because I have no idea what it's like to be one. And that lying to her for our whole marriage makes her want a divorce. As if I knew I was trans before we met. She said that me being a girl invalidates our marriage license because it is between a man and woman and I'm. Not. Doing. Well. With logic and keeping myself safe. ---------- Post added 7th Aug 2015 at 05:16 PM ---------- And apparently she thinks aNY attempt at transitioning will just majestic me hate myself worse because I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Other people's opinions affect my mood. But ever since I've been acting girly I haven't cared much at all what they think. Not even her. I'm more mad. But I believe her. That life is maybe more dangerous as a trans. Or. I'd be more depressed. I. Don't know. She thinks I could never pass. I don't know what I think ---------- Post added 7th Aug 2015 at 05:18 PM ---------- I said mOody. I guess I meant .... emotionless
is being transgender sexist? dangerous?(previously posted in wrong section) In short I'm too emotionless to explain properly. Here goes Much in detail right now but I came out to my wife as being fully female in my mind instead of androgynous and for some reason that crosses some line. As if it's not sexist to NOT be manly but it IS sexist of me to feel womanly. Names. Feelings. Mannerisms. And that I have no right to call myself a girl at heart because I have no idea what it's like to be one. And that lying to her for our whole marriage makes her want a divorce. As if I knew I was trans before we met. She said that me being a girl invalidates our marriage license because it is between a man and woman and I'm. Not. Doing. Well. With logic and keeping myself safe. And apparently she thinks aNY attempt at transitioning will just majestic me hate myself worse because I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Other people's opinions affect my mood. But ever since I've been acting girly I haven't cared much at all what they think. Not even her. I'm more mad. But I believe her. That life is maybe more dangerous as a trans. Or. I'd be more depressed. I. Don't know. She thinks I could never pass. I used to disagree. But. I guess everyone has doubts right?
Re: is being transgender sexist? dangerous?(previously posted in wrong section) It sounds as though she is scrambling for excuses to convince you otherwise. Whether cisgender or transgender, no one chooses their gender. No one experiences what it is like to live as a certain gender identity before recognizing that they are a member of it. Simply because you may not have lived life as a woman openly does not mean that you have no always been a woman. The feeling of finding peace within yourself and not caring what the rest of the world has to say will only increase the more you embrace your identity. It is important to take her feelings into consideration because you did choose to enter this marriage, but it doesn't mean that you have to entertain her criticism. She is completely justified in feeling as though she cannot carry on with a marriage with a woman, but that must result in the end of this marriage. Not pressuring you to continue to live this lie. I have no idea how things were before all of this, but both of you are far too young to have to tolerate one another in a marriage. It just isn't worth it. You have to continue in your journey to becoming the most complete version of yourself and she has to move on if she will not be able to accept that person.
Re: is being transgender sexist? dangerous?(previously posted in wrong section) But the argument is that being who I am doesn't necessarily mean I'm a woman. Just a man who was shamed for being himself. Who isn't accepted as himself. That I'm cruel and selfish to think that it means something to be a woman beyond the physical designation at birth. That I'm being. Insensitive to women by saying I feel like one when I can't possibly fathom what that must be like.
If she's cisgender, she can't know what you're going through either. I feel torn between advising you to distance yourself from her and advising you to try to reason with her. I feel like if the two of you care about each other, things have the ability to be repaired, but if not, you might as well divorce- if she is insistent on controlling the lives of others and being abusive even after you try to reason with her, she'll probably just continue to be abusive and problematic. Explain to her how you feel. In all actuality, she's the one being sexist- transmisogynistic in fact. I'm biologically female, but I don't buy into the tripe of "being a woman" by the usual definition. If by being a woman she means you wont know what it's like to bleed out of your crotch one week of every month for a significant portion of your life, then yeah, I'd say she's right, but please. Like that's anything. No offense to anyone who has terrible PMDD/PMS, or period pain, dysmennorhea, etc. But trans people have way more shit to face than cisgender people- even female cisgender people. By talking this way, she's actually invalidating literally every other gender but her own and essentially mimicking tumblr trash sjw and feminots. You're not in the wrong here. HOWEVER, all that being said, this could just be her way of reacting to change. The psych student in me says that this is just the manifestation of xenophobia, and if you can manage to get her to see how you feel, maybe she'll come around. But the normal human being in here says if she wants a divorce, fucking ditch the bitch. (Sorry, I have an extremely short fuse, and women making womankind look bad is a lit match waiting to cause trouble.) --- Edit: You know what, your signature has all the answers you need here. Don't listen to my angry rant. Just use reason, and compassion, and the obvious love you have for her as your wife. If she's worth keeping, she'll come around.
Why. Is life so fucking hard? ---------- Post added 7th Aug 2015 at 06:56 PM ---------- And how does compassion make it worse before better?
