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Is it normal if I don't like anal or oral?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Closet Shut, Aug 6, 2015.

  1. Closet Shut

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    I know someone already posted about not liking anal sex, but what if you're not comfortable with oral either, is that like a big deal in the gay community? I find both gross, no offense to anyone's taste, but I just can't find interest in either.. Those are areas that are likely probably not the most cleaned of the body, plus no self-lubrication like the vagina, not saying people don't clean.. but I doubt thoroughly, anyways.. I dunno, I've been on dating apps, & a few sites out of curiosity, & most people react shocked, if they find out you don't like to do that stuff,& it's made me question my orientation, since I don't like to do that stuff, it's ironic.. because I do like guys with nice bums/booty, but I'm not so turned on that I'd want to go all the way inside them, or put my mouth on their privates, it just doesn't appeal to me.. anyways give me your feedback, I'd love to hear it.
     
  2. Emerson96

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    I don't like anal sex but my question for you is what do you like to do with guys sexually then if you have ruled out two major sex acts?
     
    #2 Emerson96, Aug 6, 2015
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  3. XenaxGabby

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    There's always handjobs.

    Closet Shut, it's okay to not want to take part in certain sexual acts. Everyone has likes and dislikes. I'm not a gay man but I can relate to not wanting to do either of those things.
     
  4. Emerson96

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    Very few gay relationships are going to sustain themselves with just handjobs we have to be realistic here.
     
  5. XenaxGabby

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    I guess it's a good thing I'm not a gay man then:slight_smile:

    He and his boyfriend could use dildos on eachother. That's another option. Unless he doesn't want any penetration at all.
     
    #5 XenaxGabby, Aug 6, 2015
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  6. Van

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    I think it's normal. Maybe you're just more into cuddling.
     
  7. Emerson96

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    There's also frottage to consider
     
    #7 Emerson96, Aug 6, 2015
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  8. MetalRice

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    It's completely normal if that just isn't what you are into to.
     
  9. Closet Shut

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    I understand what you're saying, it's what I've heard on many dating apps & sites.. but that's just the problem I just can't picture myself doing that stuff, I dunno why I'm the minority in this, but that's just how I look at it.. strangely I do get aroused by certain male body parts, but is it enough that I want to put something into a butt crack.. or put my mouth on their privates, I honestly can't say.. it's also why I came to this site, for others opinions, I'm still pretty new to this gay stuff.. there are days where it just makes no sense, it makes me wonder what I'am exactly if everyone wants to go full-throttle with this stuff, & I Don't.:dry:

    ---------- Post added 7th Aug 2015 at 07:41 AM ----------

    & Thank you guys for your comments, you don't hear a lot of people who are understanding of this, I honestly thought I read somewhere that most gay men weren't into anal, I dunno about oral, but at least it was a no for anal.. but whatever I suppose, but thanks for your inputs, even though this does make me question myself more, & to Van you're a good looking dude:icon_wink
     
  10. Tightrope

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    Almost everything is normal and everything is represented, so don't worry about it.
     
  11. Sepina

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    Of course it's normal, not liking things are totes normal :slight_smile:
     
  12. OrangeRainbow

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    I'm sorry, but who made you the authority on speaking for all same-sex male relationships?
     
  13. AKTodd

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    Using EC as my source for a very unscientific survey based on threads that have come up in my time here...

    I would say that about 25-30% of gay guys aren't into anal, with 'aren't into anal' ranging from 'Well, if you want to, I guess we can, but I'm unlikely to propose doing it otherwise' to 'Hell will freeze before I do that!!!'.

    As far as oral is concerned, there have been a few threads on that as well, enough for me to say that you're not alone, although it's not as common (I think).

    A couple of things to consider for both of these:

    a) Are you not into doing them in any way, shape or form, or just not into topping or bottoming or giving someone oral or receiving oral? Some people are into a subset of activities, even if they aren't into all of them. I suggest this more from the pov of getting a better idea of where you're coming from here.

    b) It is possible, although not a given, that in the heat of passion you may find yourself getting into (or at least contemplating with more interest) activities that you currently (or would otherwise when not turned on) don't find appealing (at which point you may decide you do like it, or that it's worth the bother because you really like the reciprocation that comes with it, or that you've just confirmed that you really don't care for that activity). Again, not saying this will be the case with you or that one or the other is preferred, just throwing it out there.

    As far as whether or not you can get or sustain a relationship (however you choose to define that from fuckbuddy to marriage and everything in between)...I'm not much into anal and neither is my husband and we've been going strong for almost 20yrs now. We do do oral a fair bit, but not all the time.

    Truthfully, I would suggest that for any given act you are or are not into, some guys will really care about that, some won't care much (plenty of other fun things to do), and some will be right there with you.

    I think the best thing you can do is to know what you like and don't and then own it and accentuate it as a positive. As such, rather than listing out the things you aren't into as if they are some huge deal or a shameful thing that you should feel bad about - focus on the things you like.

    Don't like oral and anal? The talk about being into body contact, frottage, mutual masturbation, cuddling, toys (if you are), etc. etc. If the issue of oral/anal comes up then just be matter-of-fact and offhand about it and move on.

    In my experience, if you act as if you deserve to feel shame about your tastes then some number of people will step up to agree with you. If you own them and treat them as something you are proud of and have every right to have - some number of people will step up to agree with you and most of the rest will just move on under the policy of 'different strokes for different folks'.

    My 2c worth,

    Todd
     
  14. Closet Shut

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    Thank you so much for your reply :slight_smile: & I agree with the b) I think it could be a possibility, that maybe I've just never tried.. but then I also feel like I side with parts of a) I'm just not sure about anyway shape or form, I know that your thoughts & actions are 2 different things, but I dunno.. I worry about anal penetration, & possible odors.. the same from possibly putting my mouth on someone's privates, the pubic hair etc. However like you mentioned before, in b) the passion could change my mind.. anyways I appreciate your response, thank you :slight_smile:
     
    #14 Closet Shut, Aug 10, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2015
  15. Gen

    Gen
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    From the descriptions that you are writing it sounds as though much of this aversion is motivated by fear.

    As someone who has dealt with mysophobia/germophobia and still experiences quite a bit of anxiety surrounding it, orifices are about the most unnerving parts of the body for me. During my childhood I was not the most welcoming of kisses from family members and even to this day it is something that I respond by smiling to hide that fact that I am internally disgusted. Romantically, it takes an overwhelming amount of physical and emotional attraction to silence that voice in that back of my mind when I kiss a lover. When we are talking about rectums, vaginal canals, throats, it certainly does not get easier.

    There is a different between having no desire to do something and having any desire killed by our personal fears. Cleanliness is something that can be ensured through proper hygiene, using protection, and making smart decisions about when to be intimate. There is certain popular acts that I will simply never do. I am positive that I will never get to the point where I will be comfortable with them; however, I know that there are certain things, such as penetration, fellatio, or the simple act of kissing that I can be careful and hygienic in the ways that I go about it.

    There is nothing wrong with acknowledging where our boundaries are in terms of intimacy, but there is also benefit in being able to target the things that make us feel apprehensive and ask ourselves whether this is something that we have to swear off or whether we just have to be more cautious in the way that we go about it than other people might be.
     
  16. MissxVenom1991

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    I don't like anal sex either
     
  17. Closet Shut

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    Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate it.. & I never thought of it as fear, but maybe it is, I dunno.. sometimes I've told myself, maybe I'd warm up to it.. if it was with someone I truly cared about, but I dunno.. that hasn't happened yet, & I guess it would have to work with someone who is one the same page.

    ---------- Post added 14th Aug 2015 at 07:14 AM ----------

    Yeah, it's weird to me :lol: & interesting, you came out on Facebook?
     
  18. Jax12

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    I would rather bottom than top, but other than anal I like spooning, making out, and just spending time together.

    We all have our preferences, and that's completely okay.