I've always felt an attraction towards both genders, but with guys, the sexual attraction just isn't there. I can find it amusing when guys have boners, and I have (after being abused and not being able to stomach it at all) become able to touch them without feeling disgust. The problem is I don't really feel anything else either aside from maybe a curiousity. I've come to realise it must be amusement I feel, not sexual attraction. I just don't know if the lack of sexual attraction comes from the abuse or from it just not being there. However, I am able to fall in love with guys, albeit not as strong/hard as I fall for women. And when I fantasize, 99% of the time, it's about women. My friend once told me I am bi-romantic but homo-sexual. I'm not into labels or rushing to figure such things out, but I do feel like I need to figure out what my interest in the opposite sex, or lack thereof, stems from, in order to know if my "crushes" are just interests in disguise, some sort of misguided feeling of finding the other person interesting and aesthetically pleasing. I guess I have a hard time separating emotions from desire, and also figuring out which emotion is which... Do you see why I'm confused? And, erm... Any advice/answers?
Nobody? And... Am I allowed to bump my own thread? I'm beginning to wonder if I am clinging onto being bisexual because I don't want to be a lesbian, and it's all really confusing to me. I'd appreciate any answers or advice or stories anyone has.
Hi Berru! You sound more gay than bi sexually, and I think the rest of the post would fit into the 'biromantic bisexual' label-but I am not entirely sure if this particular label is very useful to you. It is possible for some bi people to have a strong preference and still be bi- but it is also possible to use the bi label as a kind of crutch which prevents you from accepting that you are gay. I'd suggest working on accepting same-sex attractions, and working accepting a same sex preference for now, and give yourself permission to be gay. Try the gay label on for a while- and see how it feels.
It sounds like you are gay to me. I classify bisexuality as a sexual attraction for both genders no matter how great or how small, I don't think a person who isn't genuinely sexually attracted to both genders should call themselves bisexual, that's pretty misleading and consider all the guys you could mislead. If you can't make love to a man than why entertain a romantic/sexual relationship with one?
That's why I'm so confused. I always come up short when it comes to the sexual part of a relationship with a guy, but even if I'm "just" bi-romantic, I can't help but wonder why I think I fall for them if there's no sexual desire. Is it mating instinct? Pure aesthetics? Misguided friendly feelings?
I would say aesthetics and misguided feelings are a probability, but that doesn't make you less gay than you perhaps maybe. I know gay people who fall emotionally for members of the opposite sex but have no desire to be with them intimately, that doesn't make them bisexual or anything close to that and they appear to be very content with that.
Thanks for the replies. I guess you're right, I should try to be more true to myself. I guess I'm kind of scared I'll end up alone because it's so hard to meet women where I live, so I've been kind of defaulting at the guys who wanted me or showed interest, I'm not sure. You've given me quite a bit to think about!
