Why does bisexuality make people, both gay and straight, uncomfortable?

My bisexuality makes me uncomfortable too.

 

I think at the bottom of it is the wide held belief that bisexuality either doesn't/couldn't exist, as well as shouldn't. Just like with multiracial folk, you're forced to choose one side or another, and of course, this plays out differently with men and women (along with their outward expressions, relationship status, how open they are with their orientation).

People try to justify their own biphobia by saying, "I had this bad experience with a bisexual" or, "They usually lean one way or another (a spin on the old, "You're either really gay or straight, so pick a side already!" argument)". It's far easier to avoid a group of people who are misunderstood than to fight all the stereotypes, opposition, etc.

What gets me is not how many gay and straight people have a negative image of bisexuality, but bisexuals (and other multisexuals) as well! People who think bisexuality is some magic switch for life's problems don't get it: you don't get to "turn off" your attractions. When you choose a partner, you have to come out with them, and more times than not, they're going to either feel threatened by it or neutral.

Just like some gay men and women come out as bisexual at first, many bisexuals identify as being straight or gay, simply out of pressure to conform. Some are aware, while others are not. At least, we could say the LGBT community caters to gay people, whereas bisexuals don't seem to be recognized or welcomed on either side...

 

It makes them (and me) bisexual

 

Thanks. I think everyone is taking my post the wrong way. Of course if I met a bisexual guy and we hit it off and we fell in love I wouldn't end it just because he was bi. What they fail to see is I prefer gay guys, everyone has preferences when it comes to dating.

I can see this debate going down a similar road when it comes to dating trans genders.

(*hug*)

 

I'm not bisexual myself (well, maybe just a little bit sometimes ) but I hate when people are like 'just make a decision already'. Like, fuck you bitch, there's nothing to decide on, let the bisexy folks have their preferences. I kinda wish I were bisexual, though. You know what Woody Allen says - "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."

 

To be fair while I think all the stereotypes about bisexuals ridiculous, my own bisexuality confuses me. I love being bisexual and in a way would not wanna swap for any other orientation but I also hate how fluid my sexual orientation is sometimes. I sometime hope I would be either straight or lesbian so I would know where I go.

I don't think I have a preference. Some months/days I'll be all into guys and then all into women but I know that whomever I am with I'll be faithful to . even though I came to terms with my bisexuality pretty recently and haven't been with anyone since so I can't really tell how this would impact my sexuality (or capacity of having sex with my partner) but I believe that if I love someone surely there good be a billion hot guys and hot chicks waiting for me at my gate that I would still want to be with that person ? Sigh. Being bi is confusing so I don't blame other for not getting it when I barely get how 'I work' myself. :/

 

Monosexuals have a hard time wrapping bisexuality around their head, I think part of why that is is bc ppl have nothing to go on but their own experiences and tend to think other ppl are just a variation of themselves, bc momosexuality is so natural (to them) and commonplace bisexuality is a mainly foriegn concept that is slowly rising into mainstream attention.

 

I'm not saying he shoul date bisexuals, I'm saying he should endeavor to abandon his prejudiced beliefs about bisexuals.

---------- Post added 4th Aug 2015 at 10:16 AM ----------

Of course. Doesn't mean bisexuals are more likely to leave you than gay people.

No-one has said he should.
I said he should get rid of his prejudiced views about bisexuals.

Again, not at all what I said.
I said his 'reasoning' for being prejudiced towards bisexuals is no better than the 'reasoning' of a racist, who says he 'just feels that way'.

---------- Post added 4th Aug 2015 at 10:18 AM ----------

The issue is that the 'reasons' you've given in this thread for your preference, consist entirely of prejudice towards bisexuals/ity.

 

"monosexuals" :icon_roll

and let's not pretend bi/pan people are not guilty of doing this??? yes, lesbians and gay men are capable of being biphobic but bi/pan people are also capable of being homophobic/lesbophobic...

and how is bisexuality a 'foreign concept' when pretty much everyone knows what it means...?

 

Just because you know what something is, doesn't mean that you understand it.

 

I can understand this, although from a different perspective. Here's the thing I am mostly attracted to women but yes I do fancy some men. I'be been with my wife for 13 years now and not once have I cheated on her with man or woman. I myself ha e only recently come to terms with my bisexuality and I'm nigh on 40. Thing is this, if I did decide to get with a man, should things ever go completely wrong between me and my wife, I would be equally faithful to him. I can understand other people's confusion in relationships though especially if you yourself are not completely settled with who you are

Talking about settling though in relation to an earlier post , virtually every one of us is settling looks wise one way or another when we settle into a long term relationship, life is about compromise. If you hold out for a perfect looker who is also the kind of person you can live with.... You are going to be waiting a long time, if not forever...

 

Thanks for the insight. It's great to have the confirmation that once we find someone we love we are more likely to remain faithful no matter what our sexuality is. Like I said I am in a very early stage of accepting my bisexuality and I sometime have a hard time understanding it. There is phases (like right now) where I feel overwhelmed by my sexuality, because it's all so confusing and I get annoyed at my brain for not being able to 'get his shit together and pick a side', even though I obviously can't. *Sigh* I guess sometimes my bisexuality is at 50/50 like right now and it scares me. When I swap to having a preference I am fine because I am confident that that's what I want and this is that but when I can't make up my mind because I am in a mood where I find both equally attractive I panic and wonder if I'll ever find full happiness by settling with one gender.
Which I guess is what 'biphobic' people are scared off... argh, why does life/sexuality has to be so complicated ? :bang:

 

yeah but the same could be said about gay men/lesbians...?

 

Except that bisexual people know what it's like to be attracted to the same gender becuase they're you know, bisexual.

 

@acciocarie I think what Cider meant is that while people know about bisexuals and bisexuality they can't necessarily understand the concept of being able to like both sexes because they are incapable of doing so. My closest friend actually have a lot of trouble understanding the fact that I like men and women equally as she can't do the same. She knew about bisexuality and she definitely knew bi people existed but she still doesn't/didn't understand the whole thing.
Isn't it why we some people nickname bi-people 'unicorns' after all ? Because while some of us call ourselves bi, some gay and straight people can't actually imagine that someone would not have a preference and could actually be bi.

 

"monosexuals are close-minded", "how can you only be attracted to one gender", "when you think about it, it's actually a really weird kink to only be attracted to one gender", "'monosexuals: i'm only attracted to one gender' okay... sounds fake but okay..."

^ that's just some of the things i've actually read on tumblr (not even half of it tbh and not the worst of it either) ... so all i'm saying is that just because bi people know what it's like to be attracted to the same gender, does not mean they understand what it's like to be gay or that they're not capable of being homophobic or lesbophobic... just like gay men and lesbians are capable of being biphobic.

would also like to mention that lesbians (idk about gay men... i mostly follow lesbians and bi/straight women on tumblr lol) have repeatedly asked to not call us "monosexuals" because it groups us with straight people and people either ignore it or respond with "i didn't care for the word before but now that i see how much it pisses off gay people i'm gonna start using it" so yes, i get annoyed when i read the word "monosexuals" (just like i assume most bi people get annoyed when they read "bihet"? i mean, i assume you guys don't like to be grouped with your oppressors either?)

 

"A kink"? Is that what it's come down to? I miss the old insults, back when they had some weight to them, not such... desperate idiocy...

Tumblr never fails to disappoint me. Jesus...

Acciocarrie, is 'monosexual' really that bad of a word? I ask because when I use it, it's kind of a shortcut to refer to individuals who primarily show attraction to just one sex/gender. It's quicker to type out 'monosexuals' than 'heterosexuals and gay men and women', basically.

Also, what the hell is 'bihet'? I mean, I know what it stands for, but that doesn't make much sense... at best it could mean somebody who is bisexual, but prefers the opposite sex/gender. But even then...

 

What? It's an accurate nomer of how gay, lesbian and straight people differ from bi- and pansexual people.

Who said otherwise?
Arguing against straw-men is pretty pointless.

If you'd bothered to read my post or some of the others, you'd know.

---------- Post added 4th Aug 2015 at 08:32 PM ----------

No-one here has said any of the things you mentioned above or claimed that bisexuals can't be prejudiced towards gay people.
This thread is not about monosexual phobia, it's about biphobia.

So what?
So does being human.

People misusing a term does not invalidate the term itself.
It's simply a term for a fact.
The difference between gay and straight people on the one side and bi- and pansexual people on the other, is that the first group experiences attraction to one sex specifically, whereas the other side experiences attraction to two or more.

Thing is that bisexuals are often 'opressed' by both the straight and LG community.
More-over, monosexual is a factual term for the difference between gay/straight people and bisexual people, whereas bihet is a nonsensical term, unless it refers to bisexuals with a preference for the opposite sex.

 

lmao yeah i'm somehow still surprised that tumblr keeps getting worse every day. i'd probably be so much happier and more positive if i just deleted my blog on tumblr but there are still a few blogs i enjoy following which is why i haven't deleted my blog... yet.

hm, i prefer 'non-bi people' over 'monosexuals'. i mean, it's... not really a bad word but well... nearly every time i see someone use that word it's used to attack us or a cheap excuse to be homophobic, so... i got defensive when i read the word. :/

i probably should try to remember that not everyone who uses the word means anything bad and i shouldn't be allowed to use the internet when i'm tired.

yeah, that's pretty much what it means and it's meant to be insulting.

yes. so, let's get back to that. i did not mean to derail the thread, i'm sorry.