I had a rough falling out with my church over my beliefs (you know, that gay ppl should effing have basic human rights), and I had three friends that stuck with me through that garbage, I've lost two bc of their homophobic parents and the third is having his friends shunned from him bc the aforementioned parents are spreading rumors and shit about him to every parent of a person he's friends with connected to that church and I just feel so bad, he's cishet he shouldn't be carrying the burden queer folk do just bc he supports one. Now he's having a bunch of panic attacks bc he's losing all of his friends and I don't even know what to say, I feel like such a trash friend. ---------- Post added 29th Jul 2015 at 03:18 PM ---------- I've tried to get him to go to the police (bc it's defamation of character and harrassment) but he doesn't believe they can do anything.
Wow, I can't imagine how hard it must be for the both of you. I don't have any experience in dealing with homophobia of this magnitude. But I would like to offer how brave of you and your friends were to stand up for what's right. You must NOT think of yourself as a bad friend. Your friend was their for you when times were tough and now he is going through a crisis. If he didn't help you in your time of need I'm sure he would of felt like a 'trash friend'. Remember this when the guilt seems unbearable. Feeling this way shows how strong your friendship is. To start he needs to deal with his panic attacks. Talking I find is very helpful but I suggest you guide him to professional resources. Stay strong!
You're right that he doesn't deserve this, anymore than we do. But it's the fault of that church, not you. The only thing you really can do, for now, is offer all the support you can. Right now he needs to know that he isn't alone. If he'll let you help him find counseling like OfTheKokiri said (and if he's able), then that would be great. Other than that, just being a loving friend - listening, understanding, and helping him enjoy himself - will do him good. You can't stop the panic attacks for him or bring his friends back, but you can make his life better than it would be without you.
Don't feel like a bad friend. Your friend chose to stick by you and you obviously feel bad for what he's going through because of it and if you could help in some way, you would. You're not doing anything wrong. It's everyone else's fault whose spreading rumors and stuff about him. I'm sorry to hear about all that though and that really sucks. Even though the consequences are not ideal at all, it's still great that you and your friends stood up for what you believe in and maybe you can't see it, but perhaps you have made some difference. I'll bet there's at least one homophobe in your church that you really got thinking about all this and that's great. Either way, it's great that you were brave enough to do that. Hopefully in time things will settle down.
You are not a bad friend. You and your friend are going trough a lot all you can do really is support each other like you have. Don't feel like you are doing anything wrong because you are not. Please try your best to convince your friend to talk to a professional because there is only so much support and advice people who are not qualified to can give. But you are doing the best you can and for that you are a great friend.