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Can being sexually abused influence your sexuality?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by bounced, Jul 28, 2015.

  1. bounced

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    This is something that I have never told anyone before... I think that I may have actually blocked it from my memory for a long time because I have only recently been thinking about it the past couple of months. When I was very little (5 or 6) years old I was on a class excursion and I went to a public bathroom. While I was in there an old man (mid 60s) touched me. I remember thinking that what was happening was bad but I didn't tell my teacher and I never told my parents about it. I never really thought about it again and even when I did awknowedge that it happened I kind of thought what does it matter? It was only once and it was a very long time ago...

    Now I'm wondering if it might have had an effect on me when I was maturing and into adult life. I'm 28 now and only recently accepted the fact that I am 80% gay... even when I was younger I have always avoided situations where anything sexual might occur. The only times I have ever had any sexual encounters (there haven't been that many) was when I was drunk. I'm starting to think that this incident may have something to do with that... almost like anything sexual is dirty or something to be ashamed of?

    I'm also starting to wonder if this experience could have shaped my sexuality at all? I keep thinking that it's something that happened so long ago and was a once off occurrence so it shouldn't be a big deal but my mind keeps coming back to the incident...

    I hope it isn't innapropriate to post this here... please let me know if it is - does anyone else have any advice or experience in this area?
     
  2. justin88

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    To a certain extent I think it can influence one's sexuality but I always believed we are born the way we are. Being an abused victim myself by several older kids in highschool I can say that I already knew I was gay beforehand.

    Your incident might affect your views on sex though. I know for me I don't really like being touched anymore, I feel dirty and guilty afterwards. Therapy has helped me greatly to move on and I'm slowly getting better.

    As much as I'd love to give you more advice I'm as baffled at the whole thing as much as you are. I wish the best of luck to you, I know its hard but you're not alone in this.
     
    #2 justin88, Jul 28, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2015
  3. Fallingdown7

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    In my opinion, it doesn't influence/change sexual orientation, but it influences/changes FEELINGS.

    An example is one of my straight female friends who was raped by a man. She was still 100% straight before and after the attack, but the attack changed how she felt about men (hated them, was more cautious, etc).

    So something similar could happen for guys.
     
  4. Spartan 117

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    This question has come up in the past, so you're not alone in this situation. :slight_smile: However, the general consensus has been that past sexual abuse is not a causative factor for your sexuality as an adult. As you know, there are plenty of LGBT people who were not abused as a child. I think it's quite likely your sexuality would have been the same regardless.

    However, that doesn't mean that your experience wasn't a "big deal"! The fact that you were abused, does matter - it doesn't make a difference that it was "only once and a long time ago". I think you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to 'sweep this under the rug', but you're within your rights to talk about how this makes you feel. If your mind keeps going back to that incident, and you think it may have affected your sex life - perhaps working with a councilor or therapist might help you.
     
  5. Leifa

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    This pretty much...you are you are. It may change your perception some but you are still you. I've suffered various forms and degrees of abuse for pretty much my entire childhood and still in to today by some people... I don't think it's changed who I am but it's definitely hurt me in other ways.

    The last incident of emotional abuse was so overwhelming I came looking for people of similar mind and found this place...they are good people. I hope you can feel safe here to talk about it...
     
  6. paris

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    I may be wrong but I think it doesn't affect one's sexuality but it can affect one's sexual behaviour.
     
  7. MetalRice

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    Behavior maybe, but not orientation.
     
  8. Leifa

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    Is there a spot to talk about these types of things...?
     
  9. allnewtome

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    Firstly I'm sorry for what happened to you as a child. I am also a victim of childhood sexual abuse and it left me in a very long state of confusion. After a lengthy process of both soul searching and a ton of research I don't believe it can influence ones orientation. It can however influence ones behaviour from some who have an inexplained desire to recreate the abuse (often in a subconscious attempt to control something that they never had control of at the time), to issues of intimacy.

    Similar to you for years my sexual encounters were few and always in a drunken state and I to actively avoided any sexual contact as a teen when everyone around me was doing anything they could to get any sort of contact. Excuses with girlfriends to not really do anything beyond kissing, ending relationships when it seemed as tho there was no longer any way to avoid it.

    I think it says more about the damage abuse can cause relating to our individual feelings on intimacy than on actual orientation. Shame is huge, and sometimes hard to put a name of and in the end those that carry the weight of it aren't the ones that should be. Being a victim is nothing to carry shame for,nor is being gay, or trans, or short, or tall, or overweight etc etc.

    Before I came to a place where I could say assuredly that abuse doesn't influence orientation, I came to a realization that even if it did "so what". Attraction isn't something to carry shame for, neither is intimacy or ones sexual fetishes. The sum of me is more than who I'm attracted to, what I wear or what turns me on in the bedroom. And the sum of me is a hell of a lot more than what some pervert did to me as a kid.

    Intimacy is a beautiful thing, not just sexual but truly opening yourself up to another human being. This is still something I struggle with but as I've learned that the shame I carried was never mine to carry in the first place and have been more open to meeting people (sober even) there's a freedom I feel in my soul that really makes me feel more whole on my own and more optimistic of the power true intimacy will bring into my life.
     
  10. Invidia

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    Talking here as someone with practical experience both first-hand and with helping talking to people who has experienced the same thing.

    1) Can it affect your sexual orientation?
    My answer is no. Or at least, if it can, only little. Sexual orientation is deeply rooted in the brain and trauma does not usually affect it as far as I know.

    2) Can it affect your sexual feelings and behavior?
    Absolutely. I was a sexual child, but after that I became extremely sexual. And no, that is not because one "likes it" if anyone is thinking that. Sexual confusion is very common following sexual assault. It can be a complete lack of interest in sex, it can be an increased sex drive or sexual impulsivity (which it was for me), and probably other things I don't know about.
    It took me a long time to discover my orientation better after that. It is extremely confusing.

    If you were heavily traumatized by the experience it might be affecting your sexual feelings still.