Hello Everybody! I'm so happy I found this site. It looks like the community here is incredibly supportive. I'm a 22-year-old woman and just recently began questioning my sexual identity. I have never had a crush on a guy but I always just assumed I was straight and that it would happen when it happened. However, recently, I have developed feelings for my close friend. She is the person I would generally feel most comfortable talking to about things like this but considering my feelings for her I just don't feel ready to do so. At the same time, I've started realizing that being with another woman (sexually/romantically) appeals to me. Writing it out like this makes it seem so obvious that I am lesbian, but for some reason I'm still questioning whether this is the case. I think it's partly that (I think) I'm demisexual (but maybe just never recognized my feelings for other women for what they are?) but really don't have any close male friends so it's hard to know whether I could be attracted to a guy. There's also always a little voice at the back of my head telling me I'm imagining my feelings. I'll hazard a guess that such "voices" are not uncommon for people who are newly questioning. It's just so confusing to me that I don't just know my own sexuality. I know I'm not alone but it drives me crazy that I don't know with certainty whether I'm gay, straight, or bisexual. There's also a part of me that is fighting hard against the possibility that I may be gay. I am in no way against homosexuality. However, I am now questioning a major part of my identity that I always thought was very clear. Also, there's no question that my life, if I'm gay, will be harder and more complicated and I just don't feel up to the challenge. :icon_sad: Sorry if I've rambled a bit. This has been eating me up inside and I just needed to get it all off my chest!
First of all, let me just say that whatever you are, you are perfect the way you are, whether you like men, women, both or anything at all, your great the way you are; just remember that fact and don't trick yourself into thinking what you feel is wrong or needs to be corrected. Now, on the matter of the question at hand, I am not one to make judgements on these sorts of things, as it is the person questioning that needs to figure it out, but what you said in post does lead me to believe that you definitely like women, but whether you are a lesbian or not is something I can not say, and only you can figure out.
Thank you! I'm mostly frustrated that I can't seem to figure myself out. I know that once I do, I will come to accept it with time. But even though I know there's nothing wrong with me, just the fact that I'm questioning such an important part of my identity is taking me time to get used to. And yes, I know that I am the only one who can figure it out. But it definitely makes me feel better to have somewhere to share my thoughts and feelings!
Oh yeah, it's a common feeling to be frustrated when you start questioning, as the beginning of that process shatters everything you thought you knew about yourself, and forces to reevaluate and think about so many things that it can really hurt the mind; but you'll figure yourself out eventually *hugs* Glad I could listen to your sharing through, I am always happy to help if I can.
There are definitely challenges, but there are also whole communities out there--like EC--willing to lend a hand and listen. There are offline ones, too.
this is how i felt when i first started questioning. like i am also 22.. and its like why dont i have this figured out by now... as 22 year old people we are supposed to have it clear dont we? as for what you are, i dont think we should tell you what you are, we are here as support to help you understand what you are going through. which i specially do. i can just say that it takes time, a lot of thinking and a little bit of patience... just try to stay positive through this journey and it will get better, if you feel like you need to talk it out, you should look for a counselor, someone who can help you process out these thoughts.. when i first started questioning (june) it was even embarrasing to voice it out loud, but it really helps. there are many lgbt centers in most states, where you can talk to people or attend events.. hopefully those can help.
-squishes- Try not to get too stressed out over all of this. While I don't want it to seem like I'm marginalizing sexual or romantic identities here, I do feel the need to point out that you will ultimately still be you, regardless of orientation. There's so much more to a person than which genders they're attracted to. I guess my point is, questioning yourself can be difficult and frustrating, but you shouldn't let this completely define you. n.n Now, in regards to what your orientation might be... As others have stated, this is really up to you to figure out, but if you're looking for opinions, I'd say you sound like a demiromantic/sexual with a preference for females. I could, of course, be wrong here, or even over complicating it. As you mentioned before, it can help wonders to just talk through your feelings on forums like this. Keep expressing your thoughts and emotions, and you'll eventually discover what you're comfortable with. ^^
Thank you all for your support! Even though I know it cognitively, it's good to be reminded that nothing is wrong with me and that I am the same person I've always been. I'm feeling much better having shared that I'm questioning. It's funny. Until my post I somehow wasn't sure that I liked women. It's almost as if by taking this step I've given myself permission to do so (or at least to acknowledge that I do). I think I'll probably sit with this newfound self-knowledge (and think) for the summer before I even consider talking to anyone in person. Come fall I will hopefully work up the courage to meet with the therapist I've worked with in the past at the counseling center. I'm sure it would be helpful.
