im in love with a gay

It depends on who he is. Some gay men are at a delicate stage of life that they are not sure who they are. That is very treacherous territory, and I think it's important to let someone of either orientation find himself and truly understand himself before trying to start a relationship with that person.

As far as whether it's okay for YOU is a more pressing matter. If that guy is not a bisexual man, rather than gay, then your heart is going to end up being hurt very badly. If he is gay, then you cannot change him. You cannot work any miracle of any kind on him. The only way it would ever work would be if he had always been a bisexual guy, and if he doesn't know, then it's likely that he hasn't found himself sufficiently to be really eligible.

And if you did end up getting hurt over this, then that would probably upset him more than just you trying to win him over ever would. If you ended up hurting yourself, that could really bring him down. That's a source of pain for gay men in heterosexual marriages; their wives are people they care about intensely, but the kind of love they are obligated to have and to show toward their wives is something they realize, in time, they can never truly give.

In time, they realize they are hurting these women and leaving them dissatisfied and feeling alone and unfulfilled, and that is a terrible thing for both partners to go through.

 

It all depends on him. There's nothing inherently wrong with it, so long as both people genuinely want to try. But keep in mind, as Christiaan said, it can set both of you up for some potential pain. Then again, what relationship doesn't? Go in with eyes open about the possible pitfalls and don't disillusion yourself.

That said, people have every right to love who they love and want who they want. If this guy only wants to be with people who have a penis, that is his choice and you shouldn't fault him for it. Period. End of story. And if he rejects you based on those terms you should not hold that as any indicator of your own value (or lack of value).

If he's a little more open to body variation (which is his choice, not your's), try expanding your views of what a "penis" entails. In the womb, we all have the same "equipment", but it arranges itself in different ways as we develop. The physical differences between a clitoris and penis aren't as dire and uncompromising as we tend to believe. Personally, viewing bodies that way has helped me expand the range of people I'm attracted to. I love people who identify as male, and I always have. Having a penis was once a non-negotiable attribute of the men I would date. Then I saw a really hot trans guy and my carefully crafted views on sexual orientation shattered. From there, I've been more open and I've found that there are even some women I can be attracted to, depending on the presence of some more uncommon personality traits to find in a woman (statistically speaking). Hence the "mostly" androphilic label.

Another little tip, the fact that men I'm with can "pick their size, shape and color" from my toy collection is something I can now bolster my confidence with when dating gay men. Confidence was the main part holding me back before, especially because my "lack of a package" tied directly into my dysphoria and depression, so getting rejected on those terms was pretty crushing. Learning to be confident in my sexual ability with a person who generally desires a phallus was something I had to learn, but it can make a huge difference when flirting.

I hope that was helpful and not too uncomfortably blunt. >.>