For lack of better wording, have you ever felt "detached" from yourself? Almost like an out-of-body experience but not exactly the same thing. Like when you're talking, it feels like it isn't YOU talking. Or when you're doing something, it feels like it's not YOU doing it. I don't know, it's hard to explain. I hope it makes sense I get that a lot, and it freaks me out because I feel like I don't have control of the situation. It's happened to me when I'm talking to someone, and a few times while driving, which is pretty scary and I suppose very dangerous. It's like my body has a mind of its own, and my actual brain isn't a part of it, but it only happens for a few split seconds, then it's like I "snap back to reality". :eusa_thin I should probably discuss this with my psychiatrist, right? Could it be a side effect of my medication - which I've been on for a long time now, and this only started recently
You're talking about dissociation, likely depersonalization, possibly derealization (subsets). Usually people have certain triggers for it (e.g. anxiety, crowds, events, noises, etc.), but it doesn't need to be externally caused. If it feels like it's disrupting your life or causing problems in some way, it's definitely something to discuss. If it isn't probably bring it up anyway.
Thanks I am socially anxious and an extreme introvert. Talking doesn't come as naturally for me as it (seemingly) does for others. Online's a different story though. When I do have my more talkative moments (in real life), it just feels so unreal. I think I have to discuss it either way, because maybe we can get to the bottom of what causes it, be it external or internal. I don't know, it's just really weird to experience something like this. I am bipolar, and according to this page, dissociation isn't one of the symptoms of either a manic or depressive episode, so I doubt it's because of my mental condition. Unless that site is a little inaccurate? I just want to know and understand why this happens to me because I feel really awkward afterwards, and feel like I've been in this sort of haze for a very long time, even when it only happens for a couple of seconds/split-seconds. I also often find that I do stuff automatically. Like driving. I will just all of a sudden realize that I can't remember if the light I just passed was green or red, and can't remember most of the trip. I have to add, I do get anxious when driving, it's not something I enjoy doing, but I do enjoy the freedom and independence it gives me. I prefer to be a passenger though. Especially when driving around an unfamiliar area.
I get that feeling too, like when I got home from driving, I don't remember any of it. I have talked to multiple people that say that happens to them a lot, including a lecturer at a university I went to! I think it is very natural, but if you feel anxious about driving now because of it, or when dissociation is disrupting your ability to function, my opinion would be maybe it is a good idea to see a therapist.
What you're describing isn't unheard of. My roommate professed to me that he experiences something similar sometimes; that he feels disconnected from his body, as if he is watching himself speak and act, and not actually doing it himself. When he first described it to me, I was incredulous. Certainly we all have experienced moments where we "zone out" and cannot remember exactly what we have been doing. This happens to me often while I'm on my bike. But that is not the same as feeling as if you are not performing your own actions. But it is something that some people experience. I should also add that my roommate is not on any medication and doesn't have any mental illnesses. Just this, for some unknown reason.
Glad to read that it's normal and that many of you experience the same thing. It doesn't bother me to the extent that I cannot function, but it does bother me nonetheless and I wish I can keep it from happening.
souverian said it well. And well, both literally that hard detached yes, but I likely have depersonzalition to some extent in general.... so well, most of the time for me... meh
It is just depersonalization, as noted above. Pay attention to your sleep hygiene, since it can be linked to poor sleep quality. Let me share you an article on that. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_hygiene You can have depersonalization and be hale as a spring lamb, though. It is mostly just aggravating. Just keep your health care people informed, and you will be fine. I used to be that way all the time. I cured it by learning to be more outgoing, but some depersonalization won't hurt ya, I don't think.
Welcome to my world! At least in some indirect way, I totally get you on "It's hard to explain." Maybe you're experiencing something more than the typical effects of auto-pilot from repetitive tasks. I talk out loud, without really thinking. Sometimes I complete entire conversations, and I can only recall the last few words when I "catch" myself. Sometimes I can still sense where my body is, and I can only see a jumbled mess. I like to think of it as "We are experiencing technical difficulties, please wait while we attempt to get you back to our scheduled program ASAP." In my experience, talking about these things, can cause more problems, so I mostly keep to myself. I don't really lose control of myself behind the wheel. If chewing gum doesn't stop the loss of control, then the problem is more persistent than mine.
Thanks for the link, I'll check it out in a bit. The part in bold is a problem for me. Though I haven't been officially diagnosed (Going to mention my concerns to my p-doc at my next visit), I am sure I suffer from social anxiety on top of everything else. I get anxious before social events and avoid it as much as possible. It's a little better with family, but I haven't seen my friends in months, I keep putting off socializing with them. I hate when I get invited to a social event or party because I never feel comfortable, and I can't relax and just have a good time. My mouth gets dry and palms sometimes gets sweaty and my body "freezes". I keep to myself either way, and hate when someone talks to me because that means I'm going to have to talk back (and I'll have the attention on me for a while), and I don't like it. I'm always the "weird, quiet one" wherever I go. Talking just doesn't come naturally to me, been like this since I can remember. Online's a different story because then the pressure of response time is taken away. I get to edit my response before clicking send and I have time to think about what I actually want to say. I can list a whole bunch of stuff that I go through but don't want to bore anyone with the details. Anyway, going off topic now. I think my depersonalisation is mainly caused by my (possible) social anxiety, because I want to detach myself from the situation, so I float away into my own little world to keep myself "safe" from outside things. It could very well be that I go into auto-pilot mode when doing repetitive stuff like driving to and from work every weekday. That would explain the "zoning out" and failure to remember the trip. I remember specific parts though, like when someone is being an asshole or idiot or something, but the rest is a blur. I talk out loud too. It's like I have to physically HEAR my thoughts in order for me to comprehend or something. People have heard me talking to myself quite a number of times, and it's extremely embarrassing. Especially when I'm throwing some sort of personal tantrum. The one time I was talking (softly) to myself in the mirror, ranting about how I always have to do certain things, no matter what and I was gesturing with my hands and pulling faces and everything. The bathroom door was open because I only went to wash my hands. My brother-in-law walked by and saw me. Needless to say, the "conversation" with myself ended there and I was feeling very awkward afterwards... :lol: Yes, I can also sense where my body is, but it's like I'm a bystander and my body is just reacting automatically. I even sometimes think, "Wow, I'm actually talking. For real" or "Is this really me talking?" I'm not sure why this happens but it's not very pleasant to me. But oh well, it's something that happens so I just have to deal with it. It's not really a loss of control. It's more a matter of going into auto-pilot mode, like you've mentioned in the beginning of your post. I've never thought about chewing gum, maybe I should try that. I'm not very fond of chewing gum though because I chew for a little bit and then feel the need to swallow it, so I do. Or I'd chew so much that my jaw starts to hurt, resulting in me swallowing my gum too. But I'll give it a go and see if it helps me focus more. I've heard somewhere that people in general only really focus for the first 10 minutes of their trip, the rest is automated. Well, I live about 30mins from work, so if that's true then I run on auto-pilot for 20 minutes each time! Scary.
