I didn't know where else to put this as there's no subforum for "mental health," but I've been in and out of the doc's a lot lately and I've been diagnosed with undifferentiated type schizophrenia. I'm not entirely sure what that means other than it's bad. I didn't mention much of the sexuality stuff i have to my Docs (yet... it seems there will be plenty of time for that) but I'm starting to wonder if my 'homosexuality' is some sort of delusion i've built. I might not actually be gay at all but rather my thoughts and desires could be the result of a fantasy i had when i was young and it has manifested into a sort of mania. anyway, yeah, I've been prescribed some sort of antipsychotic called Larausadone- it's new, so hopefully it will take effect soon.
Hi! Hopefully you're feeling a bit better. Just remember that if you're experiencing any problems with the medication, communicate with your doctor over the issue. Usually it's an ongoing process of figuring out what medication/dosage will work best for you, since a lot of them work differently for different individuals. Thanks for the update.
Yeah, it's making me sleep a lot, the doc said that's gonna happen. I'm a little loopy right now so my writing style is a bit out of phase which i apologize for .
Hi, Benway. If you want to know exactly what it means, I suggest ask your doctor - clarity can be comforting. If you ever want to talk, my wall is yours. I hope your medication will work and that you are doing okay. (*hug*)
The question still remains, could my sexuality and my apparent abhorrent attitude toward it be a manifestation of some delusion I created years ago when my psyche began to break down? Do I really feel the things I feel or do I only think I feel them, explaining my aversion to direct sexual interaction in a homosexual coupling? Could I have some new disorder? One that hasn't a name, yet? Am I schizosexual? Split sexuality disorder? Are there multiple sexualities in my brain, yet I am only one of them and another is fighting to try and take over knowing that it cannot win?
If it is a delusion, then it's not an entirely unheard of one. That said, it also doesn't necessarily have to be a delusion. Can't say because obviously I'm not you, though. It's difficult, but it seems like you're trying to make sense of a lot right now. Maybe you can go one problem at a time and work through them that way instead of trying to untangle the whole mess at once.
I thought about your question, Benway - and I am sorry, but I don't think I can give much advice :/ I think a psychologist would be better suited to answer such a question. That said, I do realize that you want an answer - and it's good that you're thinking about it. Thinking about it yourself can help.
A couple of my friends don't seem to believe it to be a delusion though they've been suggesting I was schizo for a long time. Now that it's 'official' nobody knows what to think and I'm not about to make any concrete statements.
Homosexuality is defined as the "persistent" emotional and sexual attraction to the same sex. Is your attraction persistent or do you also find the opposite sex attractive, too? In addition, isn't one of the traits of schizophrenia paranoia? You could have paranoid thoughts about the source of your homosexuality (i.e. questioning whether its an illusion or actually real). This is definitely something to talk to your therapist about.
Persistent, I am attracted to women as well, and hitherto (and hopefully furthermore) I've only had sex with a woman. I am extremely paranoid-- I believe I'm under surveillance, I think my smartphone is secretly listening to my conversations so I've wrapped it and most of my room in wire mesh and tinfoil. I've never been able to have a gay encounter because according to statistics (which we all hold onto so dearly) there are almost no female serial killers but many serial killers have been gay men and I don't want to end up a statistic for the next John Gacy's scoreboard. I do firmly believe that someone from my past implanted a hypnotic or posthypnotic suggestion in my brain that has made insanely question my sexuality for the last ten years and they believe they can fool me by-- no no no no no I say no more of that person they are listening. Do you see?
