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My friend is gay but he doesn't know I know

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by tri137, Jul 16, 2015.

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  1. tri137

    tri137
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    Out to everyone
    Ok so while me and my one friend were going through our other friends phone (who I will refer to as Steve) we opened up his hot or not app and saw that it was full of men, we read his bio on the app which said he was gay but he had told us previously that he was bi when we found a profile for him on a gay dating app several months ago, when we showed it to "Steve" he said that it wasn't him and that it was people trying to make fun of him and then he revealed to us that he was bi. Now after going through his phone (like terrible people) it's clear that he is gay and now we know something that we shouldn't know about him and we don't know what to do and was hoping some of you guys /gals would be able to help.
     
    #1 tri137, Jul 16, 2015
  2. Sevan

    Sevan
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    Just be honest and say you found out by accident. It's up to him to confirm or deny anything, right? Just say what you have to say, and if he insists he's bi, he might not have come to terms with it yet. So if he denies he's gay, let him figure it out on his own.

    Believe me, nothing is worse than feeling forced into an identity you're uncertain of. If he admits he is, good on him. If not, he's got more figuring out to do! Good luck.
     
    #2 Sevan, Jul 16, 2015
  3. Oh Lilac

    Oh Lilac
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    It is really his business if he wants to tell you or not. You're just friends, and maybe he truly is still exploring his identity. It has nothing to do with your friendship. Say something if you feel the need to. If it were me, I wouldn't. If he wants you to know, he will tell you. In the meantime, just be an open, caring, and accepting friend.
     
    #3 Oh Lilac, Jul 16, 2015
  4. resu

    resu
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    What does it matter to you if he's gay or bi (or even straight!)? Treat him the same, and stop snooping. There are plenty of gay men who say they are bi first, usually because they are still unsure or are uncomfortable.

    I would take this a step further and say that you're probably stressed him out when you first confronted him. When I was firmly in the closet, I was really anxious about anyone speculating I was gay, and I remember panicking when a girl asked if I heard about a certain gay hookup app (I said no, she apologized for assuming, and I kind of implied I wasn't gay).
     
    #4 resu, Jul 16, 2015
  5. Open Arms

    Open Arms Guest

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    Just let it be and stop invading other people's privacy. What kind of friends are you anyways?
     
    #5 Open Arms, Jul 16, 2015
  6. larkcarmen

    larkcarmen
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    Dang, you've got some harsh critics. But seriously, it's not cool to be nosey.
     
    #6 larkcarmen, Jul 17, 2015
  7. timeforchange

    timeforchange Guest

    there's nothing you to do other than to let him have his privacy and to respect his space and not bring it up unless he does.
     
    #7 timeforchange, Jul 18, 2015
  8. guitar

    guitar
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    One of my closest friends I've known was gay since we were 13 and I only got definite proof (when he outright told me) 10 years later. Give him time & space. It can take years to really come to terms with & accept who you are. Maybe drop hints you're pro-LGBT but beyond that, leave his sexuality alone. Just be there for him.
     
    #8 guitar, Jul 18, 2015
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